My pregnancies cause bad things. Need some kindness please.

Whitney DD

I'm not sure why this keeps happening.

When I got pregnant the first time, my Great Uncle Bill died, and then after Silvie's birth, my BEST FRIEND of almost 20 years (since I was a Brownie Scout) committed suicide. Maddie hung herself 10 days after Silvie was born, and had actually come to visit me the day before she did it. I realized after that it was her way of saying goodbye. I am still seriously struggling with the loss of Maddie, and the guilt that comes with not recognizing or being able to prevent it. Then, I found out 2 days later that another friend from elementary school died of a heart attack. We are only 25 years old.

I found out a week ago that I am pregnant with #2, as some of you may already know. Today, I get an email from one of my other best friends from elementary school (we've lost touch in the past 8 years or so but used to be really really close.) Her mother, who was also my summer and after school babysitter for several years, committed suicide Monday. She was only 49.

I know it sounds silly, but I can't help but feel like its karma or something. When Maddie killed herself, I had someone on FB message me and say that when a new life comes in to this world that the universe balances it out by taking a life. I thought it was stupid at the time, but now I feel like I'm cursed. I've experienced more deaths/suicides in the past 15 months than I have in my entire life. And I'm terrified of giving birth to this one, because I don't think I can handle losing anyone else right now.

Please don't flame me. I just needed to vent this. My parents and DH think I'm crazy for feeling this way. Kind words please. I'm really struggling. 

TiffanyTheMom

I felt that way with my first 2 pregnancies. The first was a really bad m/c the day before my birthday, then 2 weeks later my aunt Candy died of breast cancer. Then as soon as I got pg the next time, we found out H's father had cancer. After my 2nd child was born, he passed away without ever getting to see his son's first daughter. With this last pregnancy, my stepmother was found to have cancer. Thankfully we're not having anymore kids, so I kinda feel she's safe. (the pattern: one kid, cancer found. next, death. next kid, cancer.)

The truth is, death comes for us all and it's inescapable. It's always sad and always hard to understand, but *you* are not causing it. My friend's brother committed suicide while I was in FL, and we were able to go to the funeral. I would normally think, this is what happens after I have a baby- someone dies. Truth is, that person would have died whether or not I'd had a baby. 

I'm so sorry you're losing all these people close to you, but maybe you can find some sort of morbid comfort in knowing everyone experiences this. :(You're not crazy for thinking something bad always happens with a pregnancy, but you need to realize there's no way your pregnancies cause these things to happen. They're going to happen whether or not you're KU. 

I don't really know if that helped or not.

Aviee

Bad things happen when you're pregnant as well as not.  I had a billion things happening all of the time all around me and I was too emotional and overwhelmed to really be able to handle them right and I took them all a lot harder than if I hadn't been hormonal... only now have things started looking up and it's been a long way coming! 

My best friend and I had a huge falling out for a long time when I got pregnant, her grandmother who was super wonderful died, ppl were getting sick all of the time, cancer, ect... It would have happened whether I had L or not, but it doesn't make it any better.  

sunflower.17

i'm so sorry to read about all of these tragedies in your life, truly breaks my heart i have to agree with pp's, the real sad thing is these things are going to happen regardless. maybe your babies being put in your life before these things happen is a blessing, gives you something to focus on and be grateful for, to help remember those who you lost in a good light instead of the tragic way they were taken. i hope that makes sense, and didn't come out wrong, because i really mean well. let yourself feel what you feel for a bit, then let yourself feel peace in all the sadness.

Whitney DD

Thank you ladies. And Tiffany, it does help to hear its not just me. I guess the hormones make everything just so overwhelming. 

"maybe your babies being put in your life before these things happen is a blessing"

this is a nice way of thinking about it too. Because honestly, if I didn't have my 10 day old daughter to care for when Maddie died, I would have fallen apart. I had to be strong for her, and caring for her is what kept me sane. So this makes total sense.

Thank you again ladies. I know I put this out there and it probably threw a lot of people off. I just needed to hear some reassurance rather than "you're crazy for thinking that" and I really appreciate you taking the time to write something. It really means a lot. 

vflipo

((hugs)) I'm so sorry that all of these awful things are happening.

cgr8979

I don't have any advice to give you...but I'm so sorry that those horrible things are happening.

LadybugPicnic2011

I am sorry to hear about these tragetys in your life.  When you feel up to it, you should read The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint Exupery.  The book is written kind of like a childrens book, but the meanings behind the story are much deeper.  Thius story brought peace to me, when dealing with a difficult time, though it brought many tears as well.