More kids??

MCKS

DH has an 11 year old daughter who we adore and have every other week.  When DH and I married (5 years ago, been together 7) we had always talked about having 2, maybe 3 kids together.  Through work, I ended up going back to school and still have a year left.  We decided to wait until I was done with school before we had kids.  There was no way we could have a baby along with us working f-t, SD, and me going to school.

 Well, now that I'm getting closer to the end of school, I'm really starting to have doubts whether kids are the right decision for us.  If we had the chance to have SD all the time, we would jump at it, yet we also enjoy the week we have just the two of us.  We are leaning towards not having kids together, but have thought about fostering/adopting older kids in the future.  (We know several people that have done both).  Not that we're old (I'm 33 and DH is 36), but I think if we had a kid within the next couple of years, we would be pushing 60 by the time they went to college.

 Has anyone else gone through this?  I've been checking out different boards and websites about people who don't have kids and it's been very interesting.  There are people who just HATE kids out there and want nothing to do with them.  Obviously we don't feel that way, but as long as we've been together there's always been a child in our life and of course the drama with BM.  I think when SD goes to college or moves out, that we'll be ready for "us" time.  Any thoughts or experiences on this?

Oh, and DH said he is fine either way.  He said he's experienced having and raising a child, and would be fine having more, or not having any more kids.  (I know a total cop out!)

Ilumine

I am right there with you.  Children ARE time consuming and DO interfere with your independence. 

And while I am very happy to have my baby girl growing in my belly (though not happy with the scares), I had a specific end date for getting pregnant.  Were I not knocked up by my mid-37th year, I would have DH snipped.

Why, because I really was ambivilent about it.  I love my SS (who DOES live with us full time).  And I am fulfilled with the rest of my life (I don't NEED to be a mommy to BE happy).  My belly-girl is just the flowers on the frosting of my life cake.

DO NOT stress over this. Do what YOU both want to do.  Heck, go off the pill for a 6 month time period and see.   If you get pregnant, then God/Fate wanted you to be parents.  If you don't get pregnant, you have your answer (simplistic, but hey).

 

 

PlannedChaos

When DH and I got together I really didn't believe we'd have more kids.  (I have one, he has 3), but he really desperately wanted more.  I put my age limit on at 35 - so this baby will be our only child together.  I guess if you feel ambivlaen about it, don't do it. Pregnancy is beautiful, but its also HARD.  And that's the easy part of parenting.  SO...you're bio alarm isn't going off yet.  If you don't think it's for you, and your H feels the same, then do what's right for you.

The one thing I will say to those people who "hate kids" - I believed I never wanted kids.  I got pregnant when I was 18 (not planned, obviously), and found the most amazing transformation.  I couldn't even bring myself to imagine giving her up, and once she was born, there was no going back.  I fell more than head over heels.  It's truly amazing what a baby does to your heart, and your head!

MrsHeidiR

I am similar age/older children but had a much different outlook and am the BM not SM. I have an almost 9 and almost 11 year old, DH and I have been together 7 years. We have sole custody, he does not have any children of his own. From the beginning it wasn't a question with us. DH said he couldn't imagine living life without having his own children.  I had a very unpleasant first marriage and co-parenting experience.  I REALLY wanted to be able to "do it right." 

That said, the decision wasn't in question for me, but here is what I can tell you....First, pregancy is much harder the older you get.  Second, parenting is hard, if you aren't 100% sure, the better decision is not too.  Don't allow the pressures do society convince you to do something that isn't truly important in your heart.

It is a tough decision, but you will find the right one for you in the end.  Nothing anyone else can really tell you will make it.  You have to search your soul about how important it is to you....that will drive the rest.