Independent Playtime?

kristalovesjared

At what age can you start promoting/enforcing independent play? DD is almost 18 months and does nothing by herself. She hangs on my legs when I'm trying to cook or do anything else around the house and rarely plays by herself. When it is just her and DH home, she is the same way with him. However, when we're both home and all hanging out in the same room, she will play by herself sometimes. I want to start working on getting her to play by herself, even if just for 5 minutes at a time before baby #2 is here, so it will be a little bit less of a shock that she doesn't get ALL of my attention. What worked for you? Any good books or websites? Thanks!

AnnetteWalker

I think each child is different. But for us Robbie will play alone for a few minutes now at 3 years old. He started about 2 or 2 1/2 doing that. Expecially if he is in the back yard and I am cooking dinner. He will play in the sandbox or in the grass.

 

Mrs.Kiltlifter

Both of our kids are independent players, they are 8 months.  I started them from the beginning because with twins I just could not handle having two kids at my feet all the time.  They also play together but like to do different things too.  This morning while I did my hair and make up (in another room), I had DD in the high chair playing with toys and DS in his walker. It has been essential so that I can get stuff done around the house. 

If I had to start at 18 months I would start with giving options that only include independent play.  "LO you can play with these toys here or those over there while mommy vacuums."  "Mommy needs to do the laundry how about if you play here with your dolls or play with the kitchen."  I would also build up in time frame.  Start with a few minutes, come back, see how she is doing, and if you need to intervene do so.  Then build upon the time.  

Seattle_JiLLn

I don't know when they got this skillbecause it's nothing I have ever felt like I had to make happen. I don't remember feeling like you're describing. I joke it's because I ignored them early on. not really. But all along I've given them tome where I'm not actively engaged and entertaining them. One if my friends gave me that advice because she felt like her kid expected her to entertain him all the time. She was like "here I thought I was being a good engaged mom an now he has no idea what to do if I'm not there". I think I struggle with making sure I do spend more engaged time than less. Especially now that there are two of them because they play together a lot an often don't care where I am. if I were you I'd get her set up with something and then say "keep playing. I just need to go to the bathroom." then go and come back and praise her. Then make another excuse and stay longer. Etc. Good luck! I hope she gets it before the baby comes. That was something I really valued with Ben. He was older though so it was much easier.

Alli923

Lucy has always been really independent, so she was playing/entertaining herself from just a couple months (obviously always while being supervised).  If she's particularly clingy though, I usually find that giving her jobs to do helps (sorting laundry, unloading the dishwasher, picking up toys).  Even though she isn't actually helping, it keeps her busy for a bit and makes her feel involved.  Usually she gets bored in a few minutes and goes off to find her own toys.  But, we also have it set up that on each floor (we have a tri-level) there is something there that she can play with when I'm trying to get stuff done.  Otherwise we're asking for trouble.

Lately she's really taken to toys that she can interact more with.  She is  in LOVE with My Pal Violet, her little music cd player, anything that she can turn on and make work. 

jcyahne

I would describe my situation as a lot like Jill's.  It really has been a non-issue.  I have never been one to feel like I had to interact with my children the entire time I was with them.  So if they were a baby, I never hesitated to sit them in a bouncey seat while I took a shower.  Or I let them crawl around and play with toys while I clean the house.  As they have become toddlers, I would not hestiate to finish up what I was doing to attend to their cries if their needs were not urgent.  I do interact with them...we read books, we go places, we talk about things, we'll play with toys, etc.  However, I have never been one who limits getting my things done to naptime or bedtime.  And I am disrupted constantly because their attention spans are short right now.  However, I know moms who focus on their kids completely while they are awake with structured play and learning.  And I used to feel guilty that I was not that way, until I realized that my kids are able to play much more independently as a result and I am able to live my own life too...both of which are good things.

I think you are smart to think about this now.  I have a friend whose first was used to constant interaction with her mom, and she has had difficulty much more difficulty adjusting to a new sibling than Jillian.  She sees her little brother as a rival whereas Jillian sees her sister as a playmate.  So if Ella cries and clings to you while you are cooking, you can try to redirect her to play.  But if she still cries, then I'd say just keep on doing what you are doing and ignore the cries.  It is hard, but honestly you have to get good at ignoring them at some point especially as you get closer and closer to age 2 and temper tantrums.

kristalovesjared

Lately, I have been suggesting she play/do something on her own and then just ignoring her when she is clinging to me crying while trying to get stuff done, so I guess I'll just keep at it and give lots of praise when she actually plays by herself! How is it that she gets bored of a toy after 2 minutes, but can whine/cry for at least 30 minutes when she doesn't get her way! haha! Let's hope she catches on in the next 3 1/2 months!

MrsKatie

I'm in the same boat at jcyahne... I feel like a horrible Mom sometimes (glad to know I'm not the only one who does this).

Krista, just keep doing what you are already doing.  My SIL had this same issue and by doing what you are, she had it resolved quickly.  You'll do great and so will she!

Seattle_JiLLn

Find things she can do to help you or set her up in the same room. Like if you're cooking, give her pots and pans and dry pasta to play with. Or stand on a chair and play with water in the sink. Give her laundry to fold or a sponge to clean the floor with.

skenyon

I think it varies by child, L has always played by himself fine. J still never wants me to leav the room. He is fine if he can see me, but it turns to madness if I go to cook or use the bathromm even if he was engaged in an activiy prior.

KNemo

Mrs.Kiltlifter:

Both of our kids are independent players, they are 8 months.   

Max is obviously not a twink, but he's been playing alone since about 8 months too. He has moments where he won't let me play with him. I agree with everything L suggested. We have also had great success with play dough. Max loved to play with it and will sit at his little table with all his PD toys and go to town. Have you made PD yet? It's worth a shot. 

Kglan

I agree with what everyone else suggested too.  Zach started to be an independant player around 5-6 months when he could sit up on his own, then really independat when he started to crawl, then walk.  Have you tried wearing her on your back when you need to get stuff done and she is very clingy?  That really helped us thru those stages.

jcyahne

kristalovesjared:

Lately, I have been suggesting she play/do something on her own and then just ignoring her when she is clinging to me crying while trying to get stuff done, so I guess I'll just keep at it and give lots of praise when she actually plays by herself! How is it that she gets bored of a toy after 2 minutes, but can whine/cry for at least 30 minutes when she doesn't get her way! haha! Let's hope she catches on in the next 3 1/2 months!

Oh Krista I feel for you.  I have been there so many times!!!

StellaZ

KNemo:

He has moments where he won't let me play with him>

Same here! Sometimes lately I'll go in his room now and he'll be quietly playing trains and turn around and say "bye Mama" and shoo me out and close the door - for real!