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Attachment Parenting
Can you please give me your "objective" opinion on this...
I feel as though I can relate to many of you on this board and I consider DH and I to be AP-like parents most of the time. (I lurk here mostly, sometimes post). Anyways, DH and I have talked about a huge life changing idea and I really need objective opinions...from people who just know the "facts" and not me as a person.
So...DH and I currently live in a larger midwest city (well just 10 minutes outside the city). We love where we live for the most part. We are in a liberal city with a ton of culture and diversity. Our state is undergoing a lot of political changes and with that my job is effected and DS's education will also be effected on some levels. I randomly brought up the idea of moving to the "country" and that has sparked some conversations. Now, I can't get the idea out of my head.
Here is what is somewhat holding me back: 1 - I have a good job and really like what I do (I work in human services). I have a gov't job, so the benefits are really good. (well for now that is, I am not crazy enough to think that I will continue to have the benefits that I do now forever). 2 - I know nothing about the housing market. We have only been in our current home for 6 years and I am guessing our house is not at the same value it was 6 years ago. We have done some work, but there is a ton of work to do. So..I don't know if we could even sell our home. 3 - I love the "bigger" city and we have so many opportunities and culture here.
Here is what I keep thinking about: 1 - the town we have discussed moving to is very much in line with our values and looks like such a neat place to live. 2 - there is a waldorf school (and waldorf-like high school) in the town and we could afford it because the cost of living is so much lower. 3 - I would probably be able to stay at home for some period of time (again due to the lower cost of living).
There are many other factors to consider, but maybe I will start here and see if anyone jumps in!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can you please give me your "objective" opinion on this...
I am a lurker too, but your post intrigued me. That being said, in my experience, being where your "heart is" is really important. My parents did a similar move when I was 4 from a big city in CO to a small town on a barrier island. My dad had dreamed of being there and took the plunge. It was really hard for us- my mom was miserable for the first three years, however, I (and my three siblings) are so grateful my parents moved to where the values were in line with their own and with the education system they were looking for. My mom was able to be SAHM and my grandparents lived a mile away. Granted, this is about 20 years ago that this happened, but to this day, I thank them for doing what they felt would be best for us.
Thanks for this. Honestly, my gut is telling me to do the move and that we will regret not doing it at some point. Although I wish we could do a "trial period" first to see if we like it. I am so scared that right now I am just thinking the grass is greener on the other side (and what if it isn't??). And in all honesty we have 3 years before DS would technically start school. So..we have a ton of time to think all of this over and see where our state heads politically as well.
And, on a side note, I am currently thinking about this a lot more than DH is...although this is how I am. I analyze every. little. thing!
Could you rent out your house instead of sell? That way you could rent something "in the country" for a year or so, try it out and see if it's right for your family.
You'd probably have to leave your job (which I wouldn't do until you really crunch the numbers to make sure it's feasible), but if you left on good terms it's possible you could try to get it back if country life falls through
I live in a bigger city and bought my house around the same time you did. It's worth prob. a hundred grand less than what we paid for it. We wouldn't let it go for such a loss so were pretty stuck holding on to it until the market turns around. You might be in the same situation
Public school if we stay where we are at now. I doubt we could afford any alternatives. What "worries" me now is what will happen in 3 years in our state. I "think" (although we are just in the beginning of all these changs) that classroom sizes will be bigger and the quality teachers won't want to stick around. And I don't blame the teachers..I am in the same boat as them. Once our benefits start to get cut as much as the teachers I don't know that I will want to stay in my field either. So...I know I can't predict the future, but I don't think things are going to get any better in the schools around here.
I also have a government job and while I am praying my benefits hold, they are still excellent.
It definately sounds sexy but what would be the employment options for you? And is there enough culturally to keep you happy? Being able to SAH could be great, though.
Why don't you start looking seriously at it and take the next couple of years to pin down some specifics and come up with a real, clear idea of what it would take? Is there a hotel where you could spend a couple of weekends there?
I think about this, too but I don't think I could make the jump. Kudos to you if you do!
I am totally "feeling it out" for now. Hence, why I am asking for opinions here. When I talk to people IRL they think I am crazy. I am fairly certain my benefits will change long before I retire. There is no way they will stay as excellent as they are now. I can definitely get a job in a different county. Rural social work would be much different, but I am getting a tough skin! I don't know that I could stay at home full time, so I may have to look at parttime options.
Culturally...I don't know. From what I know of this specific town we would fit in. Although there is little diversity, which honestly I hated not having in my own childhood.
Yes, I did tell DH if we are seriously considering this we need to take some road trips.
Ok based on your comments I am guessing you either live in WI or OH and if it's anything like metropolitian IL then you have probably lost A LOT of value on your home in the last 6 years. We have several sets of friends who bought about 3-4 years ago and on average most of them have lost well over 75K so if you are really serious about moving you probaby need to get a better idea of what homes are going for now in your area.
As for "trying it out" that may honestly be your best bet since it sounds like you aren't a 100% sure this is what you want. Based on the fact that the housing market sucks anyway you may want to just try renting your place a few years and rent another place out in the country to do a trial run. That way worst case scenerio it doesnt work out and you move back to the city in a couple years.
I'm also guessing Wisconsin (Madison area?). I think it's horrible what's going on in our state with Walker, and I worry about what that means for our schools too.
I grew up in the country. I went to a small small school. My graduating class was 84; my high school was 350. I thought I wanted to live in the country when I "grew up." Then I moved away to Milwaukee for college. I now live in a smaller town outside of Milwaukee. For me that's perfect. Country life just isn't for me anymore. I like things to be a bit more fast paced. I like that there's more diversity here.
There's just so many factors in the decision. Would you move far enough that you'd both be looking for a new job? Can you find a new job? I'd look at comparable houses where you are and see how much your house may be worth. (Try zillow.com) How many houses are for sale near you?
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
I use to live in a city and now live in the country. The schools are also better here then in the city. It is a slower lifestyle that we had to get use to. Target type stores are a 30 min drive and it takes ALL day to do the shopping. But I wouldnt change it for city life. Like the pp said "be where your heart is" it makes the difference.
GL
Tough one.
If you are semi-impulsive like me (I get big ideas, think about them for too little time, but SOME time, jump in and then rethink it later), I would wait. Are your children ready to start school now or in a few years? Would it hurt to wait a little bit?
Just speaking of myself personally, I would definitely need to think this one through for at least a year to make sure it was the right choice...
To answer questions:
Yes, we are in Madison, WI. Yes, I strongly dislike what is going on with Walker. We have been very actively participating in all of the politics and it has been fun! Even if he is recalled it is still a long road ahead to change what has been done...and who knows what will happen with the recall election.
DS is 3 now and won't start school until 6 (most likely). He is a June birthday, making him on the young side. He is also very small for his age and a boy (they just "develop" slower.. I love my boy, just a fact that they mature slower than girls!) so we will probably start him in school when he is 6.
So....we have 3 years to decide what we want to do. The slow pace of country life does make me hesitate, because we love being so busy. The lack of diversity also makes me hesitate. On the other hand, the quiet sometimes sounds like a blessing! And I love, love just "being" in nature. I have images of just sitting on a back porch listening to the birds and the wind. Then I think..eh..I can just take a vacation, right?!?
And I go around and around with what is the best environment for our son? I know there is not a right or wrong answer to that and there are many pros and cons on both sides. And really we will be the same parents no matter where we live. The location does not change our values or who we are deep down as people.
You have all been so wonderful with your comments and advice. A lot to take in and think about. This helps so much!! Thank you!
THIS. We moved from Boston to upstate western NY because we thought we wanted to live in the country. This was before we had a baby. When we found out we were expecting we couldn't imagine being away from family. We liked the country but it got boring very fast, and the "locals" were not welcoming, unfortunately. Luckily we were only renting out there. Although it would have been a great place to raise a family, with wonderful school systems, I wouldn't trade being home for anything.
I have this same speech with myself about pretty much every major issue- school, child spacing, my career, DH's career, etc.
I have no specific advice on your dilemma, but just wanted to say that I've drawn up many, many pros and cons lists in the 3 short years since DD was born and I feel like there's no end to them. Ultimately, you have to make a decision that ALL of you will be happy with. There's no use "sacrificing" on some major point because you think maybe your child will turn out better as a result. Your child will only be as happy as you are, so remember that and don't just think about whether x,y or z is best for your child, but whether it's best for YOU.
I'm having a particularly zen day after a week of hand-wringing, so take my words with a grain of salt.