Was I out of line?

TXBaby2

Hi, Ladies -

So my mom watches DS two days/week (we take him to DC the other three) while I work.  On Friday afternoon I went to go pick DS up as usual.  I was talking to my parents about DS learning the sippy cup...he's been working on it for a few weeks now.

I was casually saying that our pedi told us to not let him just hold it and chew on it (which he's been doing a lot), that he needs to learn it's for drinking only.  (Not looking to debate sippy cup training here...please read on for my issue/question.)  My dad chimes in and says "I don't agree with that - we'll do what we see fit."

So I then proceed to tell him that while I really, really do appreciate everything they do for me and DS, they need to follow my rules in raising my son.  I appreciate that there's different parenting philosophies out there (viva la difference), but at the end of the day, I'm the mom, and they need to respect that.

My dad got all butt-hurt....and then I started questioning whether I was too hard on him.  But I've been putting up with him telling me his ideas on what I should do, how I should raise DS for too long now, and I'm sick of it.  It also pisses me off that my mom is the one that watches him all day, and my dad maybe spends 5 minutes a day with him....but somehow he's the expert on my baby.  He can spend as little time or as much time as he wants - doesn't bother me.  What bothers me is that he's always offering unsolicited advice that often contradicts with my philosophies. 

Here's another "jewel" he dropped on me Thursday afternoon - that I should never tell my son "no".  Ever.  WHAAA?

OK, give it to me - was I out of line? 

bosoxgrl

I personally don't think you were out of line. At the end of the day you are the parent and your rules should be respected. I have had the same issues with my Mom regarding my LO.

hayatiggs

TXBaby2:

but at the end of the day, I'm the mom, and they need to respect that.

This. You are the mom. I have had to have this conversation with my grandmother and MIL who both keep my girls during the week. I understand that they have raised children, and yes I'm sure they know more about it than me. But regardless, these are my children, and my husband and I make the decisions for them right now.  They have gotten their feelings hurt when I have to say, "Please don't give them tea to drink," or "please keep the dog locked up somewhere else when you keep the girls," but those are the decisions I make for them. If they have a problem with it, then I can find someone else to watch them that doesn't have a problem with what I want for my kids.

yourfaceyourface

i dont think you were out of line.

and your dad just sounds like a dad. annoying but means no harm i dont think. 

Heifergal

I don't think so. I don't think either of you are particularly wrong, but he should respect your request to not let DS play with a sippy cup.

kita09

my mom only does HALF of what i ask so i just keep asking. DS will be alright.

BeerBeck

I don't think you were out of line.

I definitely think it is hard to deal with issues when you have otheres looking after your little one, especially when they are family, but I agree that it is in your child's best interest to have consistency.  Thus, the 'rules' that you set out at home should be closely maintained. 

That being said, I do understand your parents' point of view, especially if they are not looking after him as 'childcare providers', (ie: getting paid, have a written childcare agreement, etc.), but rather, as the grandparents.  If they are simply in the role of grandparents who are babysitting, you have to treat them as such and, as a result, cannot demand the same as you would from your daycare, etc.

emiliemadison

This is a prime example of "pick your battles". Chewing on the sippy cup? NO BIG DEAL. Your pedi is going to the extreme about that and 99% of babies chew on them and still somehow manage to know that it's for drinking and become capable drinkers. 

Never telling your son "no"? Yeah, that's crazy. But if he only spends 5 minutes a day with your kid, then is it really a big deal? So you dont agree with it, but in the long run, is it truly going to impact anything? You dont have to take his advice.

I think  you should practice the tried and true smile and nod when it comes to his (or anyone's) unsolicited advice with an added "Thanks, I'll think about that" here and there. And then, do what YOU want to do. You're the mom, afterall.

If it comes down to your parents disregarding MAJOR decisions that put your son in danger, etc, then you either need to get them to change their view on what their rights are as a grandparent, or you need to find new child care.  

HBaylies

Nope.  You're not our of line AT ALL to politely request that your son learn new things the way that you and your pediatrician have decided upon together.

countrymice06

I wouldn't have said anything about a sippy cup.  That just would not have been a battle I would have picked.  Now, if they were against car seats or something that would have been a different story.  

Rach21

I wouldn't have made an issue of the sippy cup, but my hackles would have raised with the "we'll do what we see fit" response. That doesn't jive with me, but if he's only got 5 minutes a day with your DS, I don't think it will ever come up.

I agree with another PP, he just sounds like he's being a dad. If I had a nickel for every amount of "DUH" advice I got from my parents and MIL, I could retire early and live a life of luxury. 

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angelame1979

I do agree with you that they should follow your rules but I will say my DD chews on her sippy cup and does just fine when she needs to drink out of it.  Who really cares, they figure it out.  As far as the saying no, I try not to to much and try to divert her attention away from whatever she shouldn't be doing.  I have heard that if you say no to much that it defeates the purpose.  I would never say don't EVER say no to your child though because you will/have to.

chewychigozie

emiliemadison:

This is a prime example of "pick your battles". Chewing on the sippy cup? NO BIG DEAL. Your pedi is going to the extreme about that and 99% of babies chew on them and still somehow manage to know that it's for drinking and become capable drinkers. 

Never telling your son "no"? Yeah, that's crazy. But if he only spends 5 minutes a day with your kid, then is it really a big deal? So you dont agree with it, but in the long run, is it truly going to impact anything? You dont have to take his advice.

I think  you should practice the tried and true smile and nod when it comes to his (or anyone's) unsolicited advice with an added "Thanks, I'll think about that" here and there. And then, do what YOU want to do. You're the mom, afterall.

If it comes down to your parents disregarding MAJOR decisions that put your son in danger, etc, then you either need to get them to change their view on what their rights are as a grandparent, or you need to find new child care.  

 

I totally agree on this. 

 

drewiekc

I agree with the PP who said this is a lesson in learning to pick your battles.  Sippycup usage= minor thing.  All kids chew on them.  I get that you'd prefer that he doesnt, but is it really THAT big of a deal?  Do you give your other DCP the same instructions?  I gotta say, I have a hard time believing that any DCP who is watching more than one kid is going to pull the sippy cup away every time the see a child chewing on it.  That's going a little overboard if you ask me.

Now, if it were something like you dont want them giving your child juice and they are insisting on doing so, that's a different ball of wax.  The "we'll do as we please" comment would have annoyed me, but you just have to take it for what it is.  Your kid is getting to spend quality time with his grandparents, and you are getting some free daycare out of it.  I dont think you were out of line per se, but It doesnt sound like they are doing anything harmful, so I'd just let this one go. 

wife1014

No, not out of line.  However, as a mother of an almost 4 yr old I can tell you it doesn't stop.  If you want to preserve the relationship with your parents you need to accept that they will have their own views or find someone else to watch your child.  This is what my mom does and she has been doing it since day 1.  IMO, silly things like that aren't worth an argument.

Ardmhs83

I don't think you were out of line either.  It is your child, not your moms and dads.  I've had some issues w/ this as well and I just come right out and say, I'm in charge, your not!  It can sound mean at times, but sometimes you need to let them know your in charge. 

efortune

Rach21:

I wouldn't have made an issue of the sippy cup, but my hackles would have raised with the "we'll do what we see fit" response. That doesn't jive with me, but if he's only got 5 minutes a day with your DS, I don't think it will ever come up.

I agree with another PP, he just sounds like he's being a dad. If I had a nickel for every amount of "DUH" advice I got from my parents and MIL, I could retire early and live a life of luxury. 

THIS pretty much. I think its silly thing to pick to fight over, because I think your pedi took it to the extreme and if you went to a different one they would probably be like mine and say playing with it is part of learning about it.

And, as long as you aren't paying them, you just have to accept grandparents do things differently. My dad is like yours...spends mayb 5 minutes playing with them but has oodles of advice. I usually just laugh, nod, and let it go, as long as it isn't something major.

 All that said... the "we'll do what we see fit" would have raised my temper quite a few notches, so I don't think you were out of line.