Intro and help w/ 4-year old who says "I can't do it"

EnglishMajor03

 Hello!  My oldest will be 4 on Sunday and we're having trouble getting her to do certain things because she gets frustrated after her first try.  For instance, she isn't really making any letters yet except for "P".  She's the same way with other things that are hard at first- puzzles, coloring in the lines, etc.  I've tried to explain that a lot of things are hard at first but if we keep trying it'll get easier but she's such a perfectionist I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with this explanation.

Does anyone have any advice?  Is there a book out there that can help?  I don't know how much to push and when to back off you know?  Any thoughts would be appreciated.  Thanks.

Pesky

I have a 4YO like this.  I just say quietly "do you like running?"  "Yes."  "do you like jumping?"  "Yes."  "you know, you didn't know how to do those things either.  You had to practice for a LONG time to be able to do them.  And you fell.  A lot.  But you kept trying.  Things don't get fun until you've practiced enough to know how to do it.  So let's try a few more times and then we'll practice again another day.  Before you know it, just like you learned how to run and jump, you'll know how to do this too and probably love it."

I will say I don't worry about coloring in the lines yet.  That will come.  I am working with her more on her letters and spelling her name.  What I described is the same way I got her to work with puzzles and teach her how to work them (look for the corner pieces first, straight edged pieces first, study what is on the piece then look at the picture, etc.).  She is just now really getting into puzzles as she is getting the patience to do them.  I still have to remind her to take a deep breath and not get frustrated, that if she walked away from everything when it got a little challenging, there's lots of things she wouldn't be doing.  Plus she will feel really proud when she finishes.

franciscaz

Will your daughter be enrolled in Pre-school this fall?  If so I wouldn't worry too much.  Just let the teacher know that she is going to need gentle encouraging.  I noticed Harmon gets that way but in the classroom environment w/other kids doing the activity and the teacher's encouragement he just takes that leap of faith and tries.  At home we try to continue what the teachers start: Harmon can we work on your name... Ms. Sandy tells me you are doing a great job.  

EnglishMajor03

franciscaz:

Will your daughter be enrolled in Pre-school this fall?  If so I wouldn't worry too much.  Just let the teacher know that she is going to need gentle encouraging.  I noticed Harmon gets that way but in the classroom environment w/other kids doing the activity and the teacher's encouragement he just takes that leap of faith and tries.  At home we try to continue what the teachers start: Harmon can we work on your name... Ms. Sandy tells me you are doing a great job.  

In fact she was in preschool this last fall.  Although I've always known Parker to be a perfectionist the teacher brought to my attention her lack of trying because she doesn't want to do something unless it's perfect.  She mentioned that she's a bit behind with writing letters; not that there is anything to worry about yet...just that with all the state-mandated testing of the kids they will be pushing her harder in this coming preschool year.

Since then I've noticed Parker giving up on things a lot before really trying to do them because everything is "hard" as she says. 

 

Stacyc625

Do you have the book The Little Engine that Could

Gisele used to say, 'I can't do it' a lot. Without even attempting to try it. Which is really unlike her. I noticed it was usually exhasberated when she was tired or frustrated... however.

we read the book The Little Engine that Could- and she got a big kick out of it. It's a little long- (and redundant) but she really liked it. I made a big deal out of the little engine that tried to do it and he didn't think he could but he tried and he DID IT! and made a big deal over it. She walked around the house for a WEEK saying, 'i think i can, i think i can, i think i can...' and it worked- so far the 'i can't do it' have quelled.... for now. And she tries things now a little easier.

worth a shot- can't hurt to read a book!

jen5-03

Kind of embarrassing, but DD is addicted to Caillou and has seen the episodes a million times... in one of them, he learns to play hockey and Caillou's mommy talks about "practice makes perfect" and sings a song about how we have to keep practicing. Apparently DD trusts Caillou's mommy's advice more than mine because this usually convinces her (if she isn't too exhausted/cranky).

 

nmh2001

Ha, ha. Totally off topic but my dd is addicted to Caillou too! I always end up feeling like a bad mother after watching it b/c they make it look so easy! My DD has the same attitude about letters and says they are boring. I'm hoping she'll get better with time. They are still very little.