Those who's X's are involved in LO's life

CPA04

If you have a regular visitation schedule and X actually takes the visits, is involved in LO's life, what sort of contact do you/LO have with him in between visits?

Does he call to talk to LO or check in to see how LO is doing?  Do you sporatically touch base with them for any reason other than logistics of visits, emergencies, how the doctor check up went, things like that?

I used to tell STBXH how LO's day was or if he would do something cute or whatever, but now that we're officially done, I haven't been doing that.  He hasn't called to see how LO is for over a week now.  Do you think I should be informing him of how LO is doing?  Somehow I know he's going to twist this into ME not calling him and being the bad guy in the situation (but we all know the phone works both ways...) What would you do?

PrettyInPearls23

For us, it depends. Sometimes we'll go the full 2 weeks without communicating (we have an EOW visitation schedule), other times we'll talk 3-4 times during those two weeks.

I'll occasionally send a cute picture or share a video of DS, but other than that I leave it up to STBXH to find out how DS is doing. The phone works two ways, and he can't seem to be bothered to call. There have been a handful of times he called to talk to DS, but that's it.

Don't worry about him turning it around on you..it's like the I said, the phone works two ways. The only way he can "blame" you is if he's making the effort and you're not answering his calls or returning them.

katie_cj

For us, it depends.

We call each other here and there to give updates on Jake, mostly we'll just drop a quick note on FB.

If I bring Jake to the doctor, I'll update him, vice versa.

Actually, I gave him a call during his lunch hour to tell him to bring a bathing suit tomorrow when he puts Jake to bed. Jake did awesome in the pool today, so I called to tell him about it. 

christine_marie

I used to call X and let him know how DS was doing and anything exciting. I even used to Skype with him once a week so he could see DS. Once I realized i was the one doing all the calling, I stoped. Now we rarely talk during the week, usually only to see when he is coming to get the baby.

DarthNBJenni

I used to update ex-h, but he took my talking to him about his own children, as a sign I "wasn't over him". Yeah, because I'm the one who kicked him out and I'm the one who filed for divorce. If he asks, I'll respond. But I've taken them to the ER and called, and he just said "tell them I love them". Couldn't even be bothered to show up.

Raspberry807

I've been dealing with this struggle for almost 4 years now, and I have asked myself those same questions constantly this whole time.  Now I'm done.

My ex chooses to only take our kids every other Saturday night, and he never calls or asks about them in between.  The kids ask about him and all I ever say is "I'm not sure what he's up to, you wanna call him later?" and they say no.  I used to text him cute pictures of them they did something fun, or pictures of their artwork... he'd respond with "that's cool" or something short and that was it.

I just stopped doing this because it breaks my heart that he isn't interested in our brilliant, hilarious, awesome children who absolutely adore him and have no idea that he's really not as busy as he tells them he is.  I'm officially done with it.

I'm sure I'll continue to be upset about it though

Jennis22

I told my ex that I wasn't going to contact him (unless something big happened) but I would have no problem if he called to ask about DS. However, DS is only 5 months so there's not too much to catch up on that can't be said when I drop DS off. I haven't gotten any calls/texts yet and I don't really expect any but at least he knows where we stand.

julia0402

My ex isn't so involved anymore but I will still respond...

I don't really go above and beyond to contact him regarding our daughter unless it's an issue that I feel he needs to be involved in since we have joint legal custody (like an illness or a question about something serious like changing daycares or moving, or something like that).  I don't check in with him on a daily basis about how she's doing.  But I think this all depends on the relationship you have with him, and in general probably the more contact you have about your child (as long as it is civil), the better.

CleanQueen151

my son's father texts me everyday before he goes to work, calls on his break and texts on his way home. we share pictures and videos and we are setting up webcams so he can see LO and vice versa. today i let LO (16 months) talk (gibberish) on the phone with dad. we have been seperated for one year and there has not been more than one day when we did not speak.