FI Is Stuck on His Names

Angelfish82

I have an abnormally romantic FI... he's like Adam Sandler's character from The Wedding Singer in that he's always wanted a family. He has these favorite names that he picked out maybe 10 year ago or more (he's 31). I really like some of them, but others I just can't handle. Apparently he's so attached to these names, however, that he's taking my criticism  of them a little personally. Part of it is because before we were even engaged he told me some of these names during a casual conversation and I told him I liked them. I DID like them... but for someone else's child. Not mine. Does that make any sense?

We're working on comprimising and I'm trying to be more gentle about his names. We both like "Seraphine." Any thoughts on this name? This may sound crazy, and it may be the wacko pregnancy hormones talking here, but my one kooky problem with this one is that it rhymes with "Gasoline." I was joking around with him about this, especially snce the name menas "the fiery ones" and he got a little offended after awhile. Oops. Sometimes I feel like he's becoming more hormonal than I am!

 

BFab11

That's really sweet that he's so into it. I think Seraphine is really pretty!! Don't make fun of or criticize his names (since he seems to be attached to them), just say, "I don't know, that just doesn't feel quite right, how about this other name that's similar but more my style?"

ambs21

I have the same problem with DH!  It's not so much that he's attached to certain names as that he gets hurt when I don't like his choices.  Last night he said he will just quit suggesting since I hate all his names and got all moody.  I don't know what to do!  He keeps suggesting names that I think are awful.  Hope you can come to a compromise soon!

mama31

That is sweet.  How about Seraphina? I like it better than Seraphine.

Keri Marie

Seraphine - I like it! Sera for short

Angelfish82

Thanks, everyone! This is helpful. I like Seraphina better too, but FI doesn't like it. I've definitely learned not to joke about the names. I thought that since I'm just seven weeks along naming the baby could be a lighthearted topic at this point, but I've since learned otherwise.

HannahO28

I think you should have a serious talk with him at some point when you're both in a good mood. Tell him that you don't think it's fair that he's had his heart set on names for so long. Let him know that you were really looking forward to picking out a name together, and you feel like he has already chosen them by himself. Let him know that it's not about the names that he likes--it's about the naming process and how you want to do it together. 

Angelfish82

Thanks, Hannah. That really helps. Normally I feel like I'm an articulate and diplomatic person, but pregnancy brain has been preventing me from figuring out how to discuss things lilke this. Your suggestion sounds like the exact right way to put it.

msgde2shus

mama31:

That is sweet.  How about Seraphina? I like it better than Seraphine.

 

I agree complete with this. 

Disneygeek77

HannahO28:

I think you should have a serious talk with him at some point when you're both in a good mood. Tell him that you don't think it's fair that he's had his heart set on names for so long. Let him know that you were really looking forward to picking out a name together, and you feel like he has already chosen them by himself. Let him know that it's not about the names that he likes--it's about the naming process and how you want to do it together. 

I agree with this.  You guys made a baby together so you have to agree on a name together.  He might have his heart set on something before you were  even in the picture, but you know what, adults can put aside their childhood desires and realize that they have to consider another person's feelings and input in this decision now.  This isn't all on him and it shouldn't be.  You should have a name you both like and yes that means he has to stop acting like a petulant child and consider other names. 

FWIW, my husband really wanted a junior for a boy.  It was  something he always imagined growing up.  However, I too knew I didn't want a junior.  I read a Dear Abby article when I was around 12 years old about the problems having a junior could cause, plus, I just wanted our son to have his own name and identity and didn't feel comfortable with a junior.  I told my husband that we could do the reverse of his name, use his first name as a middle name, use his intitials, give our female children  the feminine version of  his name, but I really did not want a junior.  He was a bit disappointed, but also understood where I was coming from and was grateful I was trying to find a compromise. 

So what happened was that our first child ( a girl) got the feminine version of his name as her middle name and our son has his middle name as a first ( hope that's not too confusing).  He is happy with the arrangement and has admitted that he is glad he doesn't have a junior now.

amanda.beth

I would never connect Serephine with gasoline- that is definitely your hormones talking! Could you use one of his names as a middle name?