back for more advice re: DA agencies

lhcooper

Hi all.  DH and I are having lots of discussions about moving forward with adoption and, like everyone who is adopting, we are really concerned to find ethical agencies that give excellent counsel to BMs both before and after birth, and that take fees only once a match is made, that don't have a history of ripping AP's off, and so on and so forth.  We also need to find agencies that are open to slightly older parents (DH is a young 52) (though I realize that the choice of age is generally up to the birth mother), and ones that don't ask for a particular religious upbringing for the child (I just read a review of an agency I was thinking of applying to that apparently required one couple to sign something at the hospital saying they would bring the child up in a certain faith).  I'm of Jewish descent and neither DH nor I is religious, so I found this alarming, though I'm glad I learned about it as an important question to ask any agency.

I can't use a facilitator to help us work this out because they are not legal in my state, and I haven't tracked down a consultant yet, nor am I sure that's the way to go.  And I'm overwhelmed by the fact that there are 50 states with adoption agencies in all of them! So, a plea:  if you worked with an agency you really liked, that didn't break your bank or rip you off, that treated its BMs (and BFs) ethically, that didn't ask for a particular religion (by which I mean the agency, not the BM, who of course can ask for whatever she likes in that regard)....please PM me with the name if you have the time.  Also, can anyone recommend a sort of "clearing  house" site for lists/reviews of agencies? I've found at least one, but of course you need to know the name of the agency before looking for reviews of it! And thanks to those who have already PM'd me in response to my question about Utah a few days ago!

Also, sorry if I sound like a moron about all of this.  Everyone seems to have a better grip on how it all works than I do, even though I'm trying to climb the steep learning curve....

hillaree

We totally understand - choosing an adoption professional is SO overwhelming. You are asking great questions, and it will fall into place!

There is a Yahoo group called AARD (Adoption Agency Research - Domestic) that I joined that was helpful. Also, I got some great advice from women on this board who live in my area.

Good luck!

silliestbunny

While we werent' successful with AdoptHelp in CA, several mamas on this list have been successful.  In the past, I've pointed out issues that left us disappointed with AH but I would be quick to also recognize they've made several happy families... including close friends of mine.  They are definitely ethical and well regarded in the industry. 

From reading your notes, I don't see anything that jumps out as a reason they'd not fit your criteria (aside from a chunk of money up front).  Feel free to PM me if you want the good, bad, and the.... well not ugly  

PS-  My closest adoption used them and she and her hubby are both Jewish. 

Dr.Loretta

What state are you in?

Go_Dawgs

I'm in Georgia, and was very impressed with the Lutheran Social Services adoption program here.  They are very reasonably priced and have a flat fee, have a good counseling program for birth mothers, and they do not have a religion requirement.  Every LSS office is different, so you will need to look into your local program.  I also recommend looking into Catholic Charities in your area.  I think our LSS program required that one adoptive parent be under 40, but again, I believe that every office has their own requirements and practices.

American Adoptions has a good reputation.  

I've never spoken with anyone who used the Independent Adoption Center, so I don't know if adoptive parents and birth parents typically have a good experience with them, but I do think they have fewer restrictions regarding things like age, religion, length of marriage, etc - their philosophy being that the birth mom should be the one to take these things into consideration when picking a family.  

We used a consultant - Gloria Hawk at Adoption Advice and Guidance.  If you are interested in looking into this option, I highly recommend her.  DH is Jewish and I'm a Christian, and this wasn't an issue at all.  We still matched in 7 weeks. 

LadyRed7

I will send you a PM with the name of our agency. We were very happy with them and how our entire process has been thus far.