Is this weird?

huber22

DH showed my an e-mail that he recieved, inviting us to his friends birthday party. It says "friend would be grilling, so bring whatever you would like, a keg will be provided, but donations will be appreciated."

That's so weird to me. When we have a party, we plan on supplying EVERYTHING. We would have offered to bring something, but it just seems weird to go to a cookout and bring your own meal and pay for your beer.

CinemaGoddess

All of our BBQs are set up thusly:

We provide basics like hot dogs, hamburgers, a side or two, and beer.

If people want anything else they're welcome to bring it themselves. 

Sometimes we have a BYOS (Bring Your Own Stuff) party, too.  That's pretty self-explanatory.

We do this because we have wide variety of friends with various food issues (Some vegetarians, a diabetic, a couple of people who can't eat gluten, etc. and so forth) so it's easier for people to bring their own rather than us buy for everyone. 

rlyttle

Pot Luck!!

yankeebaby2

It sounds like a pot luck.  If no gifts are expected, it's not weird.  

TXBaby2

I personally don't see anything wrong with it.  I hear you, though - when we throw a party, we do the same as you mentioned - provide everything.  (In fact, I usually refuse my friends' offers to bring things - I want my guests to just relax and enjoy themselves!)

That being said, not everyone is that fortunate to be able to provide everything.  Maybe they want to throw a party and be a good friend, but are limited on cash?

 

write2nicole

Well, it depends.

My SIL is big on throwing parties (which I don't love) and throws them all the time. Because she's always hosting parties, it gets expensive -- and difficult now that she has 2 kids -- so she asks people to bring sides or dessert or something. Some o this might also stem from the fact that people naturally offered to bring stuff every time, so she now assumes we will offer. (Sometimes we end up bringing margarita stuff, too. Not sure whether DH offers or she asks.)

In groups of friends and/or family that have frequent get-togethers/parties, I think it can be acceptable to ask people to bring something. Especially if the parties are usually hosted at the same house.

I don't think it's very polite, though, if it's the first time you've ever hosted or if it's the first time you've invited those people over to ask people to bring food and/or contribute funds. In fact, a keg collection just SCREAMS college party, to me.

All of that said, I think it's kind of strange to throw oneself a birthday party after about your 21st birthday.

huber22

write2nicole:

Well, it depends.

My SIL is big on throwing parties (which I don't love) and throws them all the time. Because she's always hosting parties, it gets expensive -- and difficult now that she has 2 kids -- so she asks people to bring sides or dessert or something. Some o this might also stem from the fact that people naturally offered to bring stuff every time, so she now assumes we will offer. (Sometimes we end up bringing margarita stuff, too. Not sure whether DH offers or she asks.)

In groups of friends and/or family that have frequent get-togethers/parties, I think it can be acceptable to ask people to bring something. Especially if the parties are usually hosted at the same house.

I don't think it's very polite, though, if it's the first time you've ever hosted or if it's the first time you've invited those people over to ask people to bring food and/or contribute funds. In fact, a keg collection just SCREAMS college party, to me.

All of that said, I think it's kind of strange to throw oneself a birthday party after about your 21st birthday.

 

I guess this is the part that bugs me. We invite people over for a grill out and they'll offer to bring porkchops if we're serving brats, and it doesn't feel like a big deal. Or if I'm going to a place and I know that they won't have anything that I want to drink, I'll bring my own beverage.

But throwing a party and using the phrase "donations would be appreciated" for your birthday is a little nuts to me.  

Probably most of it is that I don't really like the girl anyway, so almost everything she does offends my some how. But, oh well.

kcl22

We usually provide the main food, a side and a good amount of beer. People bring more sides, desserts and anything special they want to eat. It gets expensive, I don't ask people to bring things but when they offer I accept whatever they're willing to bring.

Heifergal

I don't think that's weird. When we invite people over for a cookout we offer food and drinks but tell people to bring what they want if they don't want what we're offering. We usually take our own drinks when we go to other people's houses.

bekah22587@hotmail.com

The line about the donations is what is weird to me. I kinda feel like if you throw a party you need to provide something.

MonkeySender

We always provide meat and sides, usually I will ask our parents to bring something but never the rest of the guests. We also provide soda/tes/coffee but generally it is BYOB. DHs friends are heavy drinkers and all drink different beers, paying for their alcohol would tripple the cost of our parties. It is the same when our friends host parties too, almost always BYOB.

historychick79

MonkeySender:

We always provide meat and sides, usually I will ask our parents to bring something but never the rest of the guests. We also provide soda/tes/coffee but generally it is BYOB. DHs friends are heavy drinkers and all drink different beers, paying for their alcohol would tripple the cost of our parties. It is the same when our friends host parties too, almost always BYOB.

 This--we typically provide a main course or two, and friends bring sides, desserts, etc. It helps spread recipies and people get to drink what they want. FWIW too, if there were ever any issues with alcohol after the party, an advertised BYOB policy may reduce your liability if a party guest had a DUI/DWI or accident afterwards; although at this stage our group of friends is really good about designated driving or staying until you're sober enough.

robinsokj

klio79:

MonkeySender:

We always provide meat and sides, usually I will ask our parents to bring something but never the rest of the guests. We also provide soda/tes/coffee but generally it is BYOB. DHs friends are heavy drinkers and all drink different beers, paying for their alcohol would tripple the cost of our parties. It is the same when our friends host parties too, almost always BYOB.

 This--we typically provide a main course or two, and friends bring sides, desserts, etc. It helps spread recipies and people get to drink what they want. FWIW too, if there were ever any issues with alcohol after the party, an advertised BYOB policy may reduce your liability if a party guest had a DUI/DWI or accident afterwards; although at this stage our group of friends is really good about designated driving or staying until you're sober enough.

 

But, it's not byob.  It's pay us for our party situation.   

Bringing food ala potluck isn't strange, but the taking donations part would turn me off

blondek8

BYOS doesn't seem strange to me. Asking for donations for the keg is strange to me.

Our BBQ's are all BYOB because we're all big drinkers and the tab would be ridiculous. Whoever is hosting the BBQ usually provides the meat and the rest of us bring sides/desserts. All of our friends are in agreement with this arrangement and it works well.

wife1014

HUGE pet peeve of mine!  If "you" are having a cookout, get together, etc then I have no problem being asked to bring a side dish or my own beverages. BUT, if you are inviting me to a birthday party, I will expect to be fed by you and that you will be providing some sort of beverage.  I will generally still bring my own alcohol or at least a bottle of wine to share.  As a matter of fact, we were invited to a 1st b-day party of  friend of mine who asked everyone to bring a "dish to share".  I was blown away with this.  We didn't go so I can't tell you if everyone did or not.  I just wasn't raised this way.  My mom and dad entertained and that meant they entertained.  End of story.