r/p Discipline and reaction

Discordia1030

I have a question. Say LO bites you. You respond with "Ow, that hurts, we don't bite Mommy" etc and attempt to redirect. They start crying, more then likely from your reaction. How do you comfort them w/o undoing what you're attempting to teach them? 

TIA 

drewiekc

The crying only lasts a few seconds, it doesnt take DD long to get distracted by whatever I'm redirecting her to.

TXBaby2

Disciplining your child is such a personal thing - I doubt any two mothers do it the same.  But here's what I would do...

I actually think it's GOOD for him to see your reaction, as long as you didn't have anger or hostility in your voice (and it sounds like you didn't).  As long as you're calm and consistent in your disciplining, he needs to know that what he did was unacceptable to you, and that's not going to change.

My two cents (not saying this is gospel or anything) is that if you comfort him at this point, you're showing him that you'll reverse your disciplining if he pitches a fit....and that tends to lead to temper tantrums as they get older.

If you don't feel comfortable just letting him be upset, perhaps you can explain in a very loving voice why you said what you said?  Not that he'll understand it all at this age, but it may set the groundwork for when he's older...

But then again, maybe he bit you because he's teething, perhaps?  And then he cried afterwards not from your discipline, but because his teeth hurt?  It could be a multitude of things....

Discordia1030

Thats what I'm hearing the general consensus is. Don't comfort and continue the redirect. Thanks! 

kg_08

If she's upset when I say no, then that's too bad. lol

She's been throwing tantrums and crying when I tell her not to do something for quite a while now. The crying doesn't last too long, and IMO if we "apologized" for saying no and start cuddling I feel like that would defeat the purpose.

Jessys_Girl

TXBaby2:

I actually think it's GOOD for him to see your reaction, as long as you didn't have anger or hostility in your voice (and it sounds like you didn't).  As long as you're calm and consistent in your disciplining, he needs to know that what he did was unacceptable to you, and that's not going to change.

My two cents (not saying this is gospel or anything) is that if you comfort him at this point, you're showing him that you'll reverse your disciplining if he pitches a fit....and that tends to lead to temper tantrums as they get older.

If you don't feel comfortable just letting him be upset, perhaps you can explain in a very loving voice why you said what you said?  Not that he'll understand it all at this age, but it may set the groundwork for when he's older...

But then again, maybe he bit you because he's teething, perhaps?  And then he cried afterwards not from your discipline, but because his teeth hurt?  It could be a multitude of things....

This exactly.

The way i do it: If DD hits/smacks/bites/or otherwise hurts me intentionally.  I say "Ow, that hurts, please don't do that" and redirect.  if she continues the negative behavior I get a little bit more firm and say "Ow, that hurts.  Stop." and I put her down, which usually makes her cry.

I DO NOT pick her up at that point, but I do say "I'm sorry that hurts your feelings, but you hurt mommy's feelings when you bit me." and then I just redirect...give her a new toy, or something else.  If she continues to fuss or cry, I just walk away and let her work it out herself.  It usually only lasts a minute.