"Babywise"

whitney1170

A somewhat "crunchy" friend of mine gave me the book "Becoming BabyWise". She is my only friend who had a baby completely naturally, with a midwife in a birthing center, EBF her DS well past 1 yo, makes her own baby food. You know, THAT MOM lol. Sometimes her advice can be more judgmental than helpful, but there are some things she's done that I would like to do, but in our own way that's right for our family.

I was reading the Kelly mom website, and it mentioned that the BabyWise books were ones to stay away from, as they can hurt your BF relationship. I read about half the book, and while some things seemed understandable and "old school", some things were really too rigid for me.

I guess my question is, what kind of feeding/sleeping schedule would you like to do for your baby? This is regardless of whether or not you're BF or FF. Are you doing "on demand", or a schedule? Do you think on demand has any reflection of the child as they get older being demanding in other things too? I'm really confused, and sometimes books and websites make things worse!!

ijack

I can't believe such a crunchy person gave you babywise - they definitely don't go hand in hand.

I'm an on demand feeder and no, I don't believe that it makes a kid demanding later in life - it's something you're doing when they are a baby, not continuing until they are older. IMO a child should be fed when they are hungry, as a baby they are way to young to understand waiting until the next feeding and it's cruel to make them hungry just because something works better with your schedule. 

Fuzzy21

I love the Babywise book and will be following some of it's advice.   I will be following the on demand style and will feed, wake, sleep schedule to establish a rhythmic structure...in other words "EASY" - Eat, Activity, Sleep, You (as in rest!)

beachgirl10

First off, Babywise can lead a baby to be considered "not thriving". it wants you to hold off feeding a newborn for a certain amount of time evenif they are hungry.

We were on-demand feeding with DS and it worked great.  Some days, he was eating almost every hour but at least I knew he was eating when he was hungry.  He was never considered overweight or anything.

BetsyDavis

On demand. There is no way to put an infant on a schedule from my experience. It has not made my DD demanding at all. A demanding child is result of giving in and giving your child whatever they want as they get older. 

whitney1170

ijack:

I can't believe such a crunchy person gave you babywise - they definitely don't go hand in hand.

I'm an on demand feeder and no, I don't believe that it makes a kid demanding later in life - it's something you're doing when they are a baby, not continuing until they are older. IMO a child should be fed when they are hungry, as a baby they are way to young to understand waiting until the next feeding and it's cruel to make them hungry just because something works better with your schedule. 

Yeah, the more I read negative reviews on the book (I just found out there were negative reviews!) the more upset I am that someone would give me a book like that. And FWIW, her baby seems "demanding" to me. He's kind of a brat, and very grumpy/whiny. It could just be his nature, but sometimes I wonder if it's not her strict schedule. She's a SAHM, why does the kid need a strict schedule besides maybe napping?

g8r528

DD did great on Babywise. Just because they are crying doesn't always mean they are hungry. She was sleeping 6-7 hours by 10 weeks and 10 hours by 4 months. (you don't start doing the schedule thing as soon as you come home from the hospital. I think we started when she was around 6 weeks, can't remember exactly). She was born in the 25th percentile and went up to 50th percentile + while I was following the babywise theory, so she definitely didn't starve. At a year and a half, she is a fantastic sleeper for 12+ hours a night and is 75th percentile for weight. Take what you like from the book, leave what you don't agree with was the advice I was given.

jellybean0110

I plan to use PDF based on what I read in Babywise (and recommendations from 4 other moms I know whose babies were sleeping through the night by 8-9 weeks).  I also read The Nursing Mother's Companion, which is 100% biased towards demand feeding and I found that the prinicples really are not THAT much different (same amount of feedings recommended per day, same healthy baby growth charts, etc.) the only major differences are the feed/wake/sleep cycles and the encouragement Babywise gives to let baby cry it out.

The book very clearly encourages feeding baby when you get legitimate feeding cues (regardless of your planned routine) and monitoring your baby's groth and progress. I think as long as you stay flexible and don't become a slave to the clock it can be successful for both mom and baby.  However, I am a FTM so we'll see how it goes...

beachgirl10

mananana:

ijack:

I can't believe such a crunchy person gave you babywise - they definitely don't go hand in hand.

This!  Babies aren't supposed to STTN initially.

 

This, plus, depending on how much weight your baby loses and how much he/she begins to gain back the first week, you will probably be told by a nurse or pedi to wake your baby every 2 hours to feed if they are not doing it themselves.

We did everything on demand at first, and he developed his own sleep/feeding schedule. There was no need to "create" one for him. They are humans, they know what they need/want and just can't tell you outright. There is no reason for you to be telling your child what they need/want and when.  Babies are perfectly capable of doing that themselves. That is when you and others start joking about "wow, what a set of lungs on that child!" 

g8r528

Oh, and you do a twilight feed right before they go to bed, so at around 10 weeks it was 6 hours between feedings, there wasn't awake-time and no eating before she went to sleep.

jellybean0110

beachgirl10:

mananana:

ijack:

I can't believe such a crunchy person gave you babywise - they definitely don't go hand in hand.

This!  Babies aren't supposed to STTN initially.

 

This, plus, depending on how much weight your baby loses and how much he/she begins to gain back the first week, you will probably be told by a nurse or pedi to wake your baby every 2 hours to feed if they are not doing it themselves.

We did everything on demand at first, and he developed his own sleep/feeding schedule. There was no need to "create" one for him. They are humans, they know what they need/want and just can't tell you outright. There is no reason for you to be telling your child what they need/want and when.  Babies are perfectly capable of doing that themselves. That is when you and others start joking about "wow, what a set of lungs on that child!" 

This is exactly what Babywise tells you to do the first 2 weeks, except it says to wake your newborn every 3 hours to feed (even more conservative than the 4-5 hours in other books I've read that are pro-demand feeding).  I think where people misinterpret Babywise is that the "schedule setting" is more of a plan to restrict sleep vs. restricting feedings in the early days.  Restricting sleep to get AAP recommended 8-12 feedings a day is supposed to encourage your newborn to fall into their own schedule, which is set by YOU because you are waking your baby every 3 hours to feed if needed.  As I said in PP, it's really not THAT much different from demand feeding if you take Babywise's advice to use your own logical, parental judgement and stay flexible.  A PP said it well - take what you want from the book and leave what you don't.

cwifekmom

I would not follow baby wise.  I have heard horrible things about it.  Follow your instinct, and everything will be okay.  I fed my DD when she was hungry, comforted her when she needed it etc., and she's really one of the easiest kids I've been around.  All of our friends comment on how polite and easy she is.

megd06

ijack:

I can't believe such a crunchy person gave you babywise - they definitely don't go hand in hand.

I'm an on demand feeder and no, I don't believe that it makes a kid demanding later in life - it's something you're doing when they are a baby, not continuing until they are older. IMO a child should be fed when they are hungry, as a baby they are way to young to understand waiting until the next feeding and it's cruel to make them hungry just because something works better with your schedule. 

that's exactly what I thought!

megd06

whitney1170:

ijack:

I can't believe such a crunchy person gave you babywise - they definitely don't go hand in hand.

I'm an on demand feeder and no, I don't believe that it makes a kid demanding later in life - it's something you're doing when they are a baby, not continuing until they are older. IMO a child should be fed when they are hungry, as a baby they are way to young to understand waiting until the next feeding and it's cruel to make them hungry just because something works better with your schedule. 

Yeah, the more I read negative reviews on the book (I just found out there were negative reviews!) the more upset I am that someone would give me a book like that. And FWIW, her baby seems "demanding" to me. He's kind of a brat, and very grumpy/whiny. It could just be his nature, but sometimes I wonder if it's not her strict schedule. She's a SAHM, why does the kid need a strict schedule besides maybe napping?

Um, not trying to be snarky--but this comment really rubs me the wrong way. I'm a SAHM, but I still have things to do outside of the home, so yes--EVENTUALLY--a schedule is nice. If you are planning to SAH, you will quickly learn that.

olivia_eve

Crunchy does so not equate with Babywise, that's so odd.

We fed on demand and didn't put DD on a schedule.  When DD got a little older, we just naturally fell into a routine.  I would never say schedule, because that implies that certain things are done at certain times, and it definitely wasn't like that, but there was a general routine to our day.

I believe they have toned down the book from earlier editions, but the entire thing was written by someone with absolutely no medical credentials, so I'm a little skeptical of the whole thing.  Frankly, you don't need any book to raise a child.  Just pay attention to them and do what feels like the right thing to do.  The worst thing you can do is to convince yourself that you're doing something "wrong" because it's not what the experts recommend.  You will know your baby better than any book author does.

Iove.wins

I agree with PP re: the crunchy/babywise thing.

I read a bunch of articles on drmomma.org (link 1, link 2, link 3) about some of the issues that have stemmed from using babywise, and honestly it will be the last thing my husband and I try with LO -- it just doesn't fit with our style parenting or what we consider important.

We'll probably try some of the techniques from Happiest Baby on the Block and/or Baby Whisperer and see how they work. Most of my friends that BF have suggested the both of them and were really happy with the outcome.

whitney1170

megd06:

whitney1170:

ijack:

I can't believe such a crunchy person gave you babywise - they definitely don't go hand in hand.

I'm an on demand feeder and no, I don't believe that it makes a kid demanding later in life - it's something you're doing when they are a baby, not continuing until they are older. IMO a child should be fed when they are hungry, as a baby they are way to young to understand waiting until the next feeding and it's cruel to make them hungry just because something works better with your schedule. 

Yeah, the more I read negative reviews on the book (I just found out there were negative reviews!) the more upset I am that someone would give me a book like that. And FWIW, her baby seems "demanding" to me. He's kind of a brat, and very grumpy/whiny. It could just be his nature, but sometimes I wonder if it's not her strict schedule. She's a SAHM, why does the kid need a strict schedule besides maybe napping?

Um, not trying to be snarky--but this comment really rubs me the wrong way. I'm a SAHM, but I still have things to do outside of the home, so yes--EVENTUALLY--a schedule is nice. If you are planning to SAH, you will quickly learn that.

No, that was probably snarky of me! Sorry! It's more personal towards her, than all SAHMs in general. They rarely go out of the house and do activites, not social at all.  I was more thinking that since she doesn't necessarily have other things to be doing, why does he? She seemed so set on having that eat, play, sleep thing. I understand a schedule is necessary in teaching them responsibility when they're older, but he's so young, and Babywise says to teach it at such a young age.

MrsGo4Hockeychick

there's a reason Health Canada, the AAP and WHO have denounced Babywise...

 

and I'd trust people with an education in infant development and nutrition over Gary Ezzo any day of the week.  

jfgates05

I feel like some of you bashing Babywise must not have read it, because some of the things you're saying I definitely did NOT read in the book.  It talks about a schedule, yes, but it also stresses how important it is to figure out your OWN schedule for your child, and how you should never let your child go hungry.  It says to feed your child AT LEAST every 3 hours, especially in the beginning. What I took from the book is that every time your baby cries, it's not necessarily a "hunger cue" and you don't need to give him/her the breast purely for comfort.  I'm not saying I'm going to follow it word for word, but like a PP said, I don't really see it being THAT different than other methods I've read about.  The thing I liked most was in the first couple of chapters where it talked about bringing the child in as an important part of the family, NOT as the center of everything (even though they pretty much ARE the center for awhile). 

JenWhite123

jfgates05:

I feel like some of you bashing Babywise must not have read it, because some of the things you're saying I definitely did NOT read in the book.  It talks about a schedule, yes, but it also stresses how important it is to figure out your OWN schedule for your child, and how you should never let your child go hungry.  It says to feed your child AT LEAST every 3 hours, especially in the beginning. What I took from the book is that every time your baby cries, it's not necessarily a "hunger cue" and you don't need to give him/her the breast purely for comfort.  I'm not saying I'm going to follow it word for word, but like a PP said, I don't really see it being THAT different than other methods I've read about.  The thing I liked most was in the first couple of chapters where it talked about bringing the child in as an important part of the family, NOT as the center of everything (even though they pretty much ARE the center for awhile). 

I was thinking the same thing.... I have read several books, including Babywise, and I didn't think the author's plan was radical or extreme.  I plan on following it, as several of my friends have.  They have well-adjusted, well-behaved, happy children! 

jellybean0110

jfgates05:

I feel like some of you bashing Babywise must not have read it, because some of the things you're saying I definitely did NOT read in the book.  It talks about a schedule, yes, but it also stresses how important it is to figure out your OWN schedule for your child, and how you should never let your child go hungry.  It says to feed your child AT LEAST every 3 hours, especially in the beginning. What I took from the book is that every time your baby cries, it's not necessarily a "hunger cue" and you don't need to give him/her the breast purely for comfort.  I'm not saying I'm going to follow it word for word, but like a PP said, I don't really see it being THAT different than other methods I've read about.  The thing I liked most was in the first couple of chapters where it talked about bringing the child in as an important part of the family, NOT as the center of everything (even though they pretty much ARE the center for awhile). 

I totally agree and I think this every time I read a post where people bash Babywise.

OP - I've read several baby books now and my absolute favorite and by far the least biased is "Baby 411" which talks about all the different feeding options and sort of lays all the pros/cons on the table so you can make your own decision. It is written by a mom and a pediatrician and is based on a combo of well researched scientific evidence and real world mom experience.  It also has great info about all basic things baby.  As a FTM, I have found this book to be super helpful.  Also, if it's not too late and you haven't already had your shower or purchased all your baby stuff, "Baby Bargains" by the same authors (Denise and Alan Fields) is great.  Good luck with whatever you choose! 

MrsGo4Hockeychick

I have read it. 

But I don't think it takes anything more than an average dose of common sense to know that medical experts know more about infant development and nutrition than a "pastor" whose only real post high school education was at a theology school (and I can guarantee they don't need infant development/nutrition there). He has been asked to leave positions of leadership in multiple churches, made multiple false claims and has yet to release any of the information gleaned from his "studies". His own children have estranged him and his wife, and has been excommunicated from more than one church. 

 

A little research into the people you're entrusting to help you raise your child goes a long way. Ezzo is no better than the Pearls, who promote child abuse beginning in infancy.