Update to: It happened...

LadyRed7

I just wanted to say Thank You to all who responded. I feel bad that i posted and had a hard time returning to read and respond. Work is just crazy busy.

 

Anyway, i wanted to update you and answer your questions.

After i spoke with our CW, i sent a text back to "A". I just simply said, how i would love to see her on the 16th (this Saturday) and if not, how about lets plan to celebrate her other son's 2nd birthday at a park or playground. I have asked her twice now, and have gotten no response. :-(

Honestly, it makes me sad. I really wanted the open relationship we had set forth in our PACA, however i have since realized after going through all of this, it is much easier to imagine how wonderful things can be before baby arrives, but then going through the process once baby is born, i have realized that feelings and emotions are just extremely raw and will take awhile to settle, if they ever really do?

The bottom line is we want the relationship, but realize it can't be forced. However, that doesn't change the fact that regardless, we just aren't comfortable with her taking Parker for even a short bit.

Pathes08- i don't think she is seeking counseling. She said after Parker's birth that she would, but to my knowledge, hasn't.

 

Mom2one- she saw him 3 months ago when we left the hospital. We do text on average once a week and i send her photos every time, while that isn't the same thing as a visit, i know she enjoys it.

 

kmkaul2- i think your idea of giving her some alone time while i'm there. I might even consider asking our CW to be there for the first visit too. It might make her feel more comfortable. 

 

Auburnbride- it didn't bother me that she asked. Yes, it took me back because i guess i never really thought of how i would feel should she ask. I think in an open situation, you can't possibly determine how you will feel beforehand. She is young, hurting and has less than stellar support from her family. She is grasping IMO to see what would be open to perhaps. There is no way on earth i would end my relationship over a question like that. I care about her and want her in Parker's life. It would be different if she was constantly bugging me about it or acting stalkerish, but she isn't. 

 

Hereonceagain - I just chalk it up to her being young. She is thinking of his best interest, but she is immature in some respect and misses him. Plus, at this point of 3 months, i hardly think Parker would be terrified. He is a flirt! LOL 

 

So, Saturday is our once yearly agency-wide picnic. While i am bummed we won't see our BP's, we will see everyone else and meet tons of people with similar stories! I'm really looking forward to making connections. Besides Honeydew, i don't know anyone else in the area going through the process, so it will be nice to have new friends that have great stories to tell and share! 

 

Honeydew1894

I have been wondering how this all played out. I think you are right in your assessment of the situation, and hopefully she will contact you soon regarding a visit.

AuburnBride06

LadyRed7:

I just wanted to say Thank You to all who responded. I feel bad that i posted and had a hard time returning to read and respond. Work is just crazy busy.

 

Anyway, i wanted to update you and answer your questions.

After i spoke with our CW, i sent a text back to "A". I just simply said, how i would love to see her on the 16th (this Saturday) and if not, how about lets plan to celebrate her other son's 2nd birthday at a park or playground. I have asked her twice now, and have gotten no response. :-(

Honestly, it makes me sad. I really wanted the open relationship we had set forth in our PACA, however i have since realized after going through all of this, it is much easier to imagine how wonderful things can be before baby arrives, but then going through the process once baby is born, i have realized that feelings and emotions are just extremely raw and will take awhile to settle, if they ever really do?

The bottom line is we want the relationship, but realize it can't be forced. However, that doesn't change the fact that regardless, we just aren't comfortable with her taking Parker for even a short bit.

Pathes08- i don't think she is seeking counseling. She said after Parker's birth that she would, but to my knowledge, hasn't.

 

Mom2one- she saw him 3 months ago when we left the hospital. We do text on average once a week and i send her photos every time, while that isn't the same thing as a visit, i know she enjoys it.

 

kmkaul2- i think your idea of giving her some alone time while i'm there. I might even consider asking our CW to be there for the first visit too. It might make her feel more comfortable. 

 

Auburnbride- it didn't bother me that she asked. Yes, it took me back because i guess i never really thought of how i would feel should she ask. I think in an open situation, you can't possibly determine how you will feel beforehand. She is young, hurting and has less than stellar support from her family. She is grasping IMO to see what would be open to perhaps. There is no way on earth i would end my relationship over a question like that. I care about her and want her in Parker's life. It would be different if she was constantly bugging me about it or acting stalkerish, but she isn't. 

 

Hereonceagain - I just chalk it up to her being young. She is thinking of his best interest, but she is immature in some respect and misses him. Plus, at this point of 3 months, i hardly think Parker would be terrified. He is a flirt! LOL 

 

So, Saturday is our once yearly agency-wide picnic. While i am bummed we won't see our BP's, we will see everyone else and meet tons of people with similar stories! I'm really looking forward to making connections. Besides Honeydew, i don't know anyone else in the area going through the process, so it will be nice to have new friends that have great stories to tell and share! 

 

Oh I totally agree with you. FWIW, I never said I would end the relationship. Not sure why mom2one or anyone else misconstrued what I said. I said that I would have a hard time continuing a *close* relationship with her after that.  I realize that my response had a lot of emotion with it, but that is because BMs mother (who we have decided we will never have any contact with--she is a terrible person & mother & would no doubt be harmful to our son) actually asked BM if she could bring him for a weekend visit with them. When I found out (BM didn't even tell me this herself b/c she knew how upset I would be. I found out through BF's mother), I hit the roof. Ever since then it is a very sore and very hard subject for me & not something I take lightly.

So, b/c I obviously have experience with this subject, I spoke out of experience & what *I* would do if BM herself had ever/did ever ask this. Luckily during our match we got to know each other well & continue our (very) close relationship, so BM knows what would break my trust, and that is definitely what it would do. I wasn't telling you what you should do, simply sharing what I would do, and whether anyone else disagrees is not my concern.

It's a constantly evolving relationship that definitely has its ups and downs. And yea you just dont know how you would react to something until it comes up. And as time goes on new things come up. It's an interesting and deep relationship, for sure.

MrsKolasa

I'm sorry that this has been hard.

It's such a weird balance and it hasn't been that long, her emotions are surely all over the place. I hope she is able to contact you soon. I hate that it's so hard sometimes.

Luke's BPs left the hospital without telling us or saying goodbye. We hadn't even discussed a formal openess agreement and had no clue where they were going to be living. I was so sad. Then out of nowhere, his BMom texted and asked for a picture and we've had pretty good communication since then. It's just always on her terms.

Good luck, keep us posted.