4 year old doesn't want to go in the pool

ArcticFox

My 4 year old DD took "swim lessons" when she was about 1.5 and loved it.  Then 2 years ago DH went back to school, so between working full time and school, there was no way for me to continue with DD's swim lessons.  (DH was never home, and if he was, he was doing school work - and Saturdays he had school all day).

Now that DH finished school in May, we tried swim lessons again.  DD is terrified.  I'm not sure what to do.  The first day, she got in the water on a little platform they had.  They didn't have the kids in swimmies or anything and one of the kids stepped off the side and sunk (he was fine).

So now my DD won't go in the water.  The swim instructor went to pick her up from the side of the pool and DD let out a blood curdling scream.  She won't let anyone touch her.  Finally she let DH take her in the free swim area but just clung to him, wouldn't put her mouth in the water or anything.

We don't have a pool, and swim lessons aren't cheap (at the Y), we don't have friends with a pool, so I'm not sure where to go from here.  There is a town pool with a kiddie wading pool, but parents of older kids let their kids roughhouse in there with the little kids so it is frustrating.

It is tough because I know kids DD's age who can swim, and she will barely get in the water.  We're taking her to the 'beach' this weekend because I think she'll be fine with wading, but I don't know what else to do to get her comfortable with the water.

My question is sort of along the lines of do I 'force' her to take swim lessons?  Even if it means she has to sit on the side of the pool every week for 1/2 hour?

KKMMex

I think your decision is going to come down to how important water safety is to you at this time. 

For us it was paramount because we live in Texas, where swimming pool season lasts six months, and pools are everywhere. If going to the pool is something you'll be doing frequently, then it may be worth it to your peace of mind to press the issue with her.

That said, could you do private lessons?  My daughters have done much much better with private swim lessons than they did in classes with multiple children.  You may have to watch your child scream through the first 2 or 3 lessons, but it might be worth it if she ends up swimming at the end of it, or at the very least if she's more comfortable in the water.  

Brewtowngrl

Have you tried taking her to open swim at the Y?  DS was scared for awhile.  Lessons were a nightmare, but once I took him swimming just the two of us he relaxed and we had fun.  We were at a hotel this winter and put a puddle jumper on him.  Once he was in that you can't keep him out.  It gave him a lot of confidence.  This summer he even jumped off our raft in the lake with it on. 

forensicmama

If I were you, I would back off and not force her to do anything she's afraid of. Back off from the swim lessons and don't mention her "fear" around her. Next summer, she'll be ready to jump in the pool again. Kids are like that sometimes. My DD was afraid of her bicycle last summer after falling off. I put it away and this summer she's been riding it as often as she can. She doesn't even remember being afraid. Forcing her to do this can only make her fear more ingrained. She'll connect her fear, which is likely fleeting on its own, to the coach trying to pick her up and people trying to get her to get in. It'll make the whole situation much more scary and much bigger than it needs to be. In short, this is a mountain out of a mole-hill situation. I'd leave it at a mole-hill before it becomes a mountain.

susanmosley

My random thoughts:

I think doing swimming lessons again is great.  Swim lessons aren't going to have kids in swimmies - that is the point.  Stepping off the side and sinking when in a safe environment isn't a bad thing, you know?  Water has properties like no where else on earth.  Having the chance to feel and experience that (by stepping off something and plummeting) is very valuable.  

Keep up with the lessons.  Let the swim teacher lead and direct you - she has likely done this with unwilling kids many, many times.  Let her help you and take the control as needed.  Your DD's fear is irrational, right?  So if you cater to it and let it stress you out, she is going to read that and feel more anxiety.  I think you have to teach her the reality of the water (that it can hold you and you can float, that you can swim and move in the water, that you can hold your breath and be under the water, etc.) and teach her to swim.

At some point in the near future, your DD will be invited to swim with peers.  Maybe that will help demonstrate how fun swimming can be.  Maybe the modeling will help her.  Hopefully it won't make a bigger social gap where other kids are swimming together and your DD is scared of the water.  

Now is the time to help her get over this irrational fear so that she can enjoy the water.  Swimming is so much fun and a great activity at all ages!  Learning to swim can be hard, especially if fears are developed and sustained.

GL