What to call SD to DS?

achase123

We have a court date on Thursday and SD will be requesting supervised visitation with P to be reinstated.  I am fine with this and we have agreed on two, one hour visits/week, supervised by me at first, and then by a court appointed supervisor.

My question is, what should I call SD when introducing P to him?  I ask this because I hesitate to be like "oh this is daddy!" in case SD decides to begin using drugs again and disappears.  I worry that could be traumatic for P to think "daddy" was around, and now he's not.  I have thought about introducing him with SD's name but I don't know if that's too weird. 

Any thoughts, ideas? 

julia0402

If it were me I'd say he's "daddy".  My ex is barely in my daughter's life (at this point it is an occasional phone call if I nag him via email to call her) but she still calls him daddy.  I mean, she doesn't know what "daddy" means... she thinks that's what his name is.  Plus eventually she'll figure out what it means that her father isn't really in her life-- I can shield her from some things but that is just an unfortunate and very obvious fact, KWIM?  Depends on what you feel comfortable with, but that's what I do.

peeps61308

I think you should stick with Daddy. It sucks that he can/will probably flake out again, but it is what it is. Once P is older and he knows what is going on, it won't matter what you call SD, he is still going to be his "dad." Also, right now, the word "dad" has no real meaning to P, not like "mommy" does ( at least I know that is how it is with DD)

 DD and I do not discuss her dad, but I still wear a necklace that he gave me and when she asks me who gave it to me I tell her that her Dad did. She says o.k. and goes on to the next thing.

bella&baby

This isn't like trying to figure out how to introduce a new guy. He IS P's daddy. It would be weird to have your kid call him anything else. Unfortunately, whether you think he has earned the title of "dad"or not, that's who he is. I think it's undermining the importance of that connection if you try to have your DS call him something else.

Besides, like PP said, he doesn't understand the meaning of "daddy" yet. But he will someday, and calling SD by his name won't keep your kid from knowing his dad is a douche later, and it won't do anything to protect him from the emotional trauma of his dad being in and out of his life.

peeps61308

bella&baby:

This isn't like trying to figure out how to introduce a new guy. He IS P's daddy. It would be weird to have your kid call him anything else. Unfortunately, whether you think he has earned the title of "dad"or not, that's who he is. I think it's undermining the importance of that connection if you try to have your DS call him something else.

Besides, like PP said, he doesn't understand the meaning of "daddy" yet. But he will someday, and calling SD by his name won't keep your kid from knowing his dad is a douche later, and it won't do anything to protect him from the emotional trauma of his dad being in and out of his life.

I think you said it so much better than I did...lol

FormerlyAK

I think you have to default to daddy, unfortunately. He IS P's dad ... he always will be even if he flakes and isn't in his life anymore.

If he does flake, P will always know you did what you could to let him have a relationship with daddy. You want to be truthful about all to P. That is what is important. So if you try to give him some other name to disguise the fact that SD is daddy until you know if he is going to flake this time or not, you could be setting yourself up for trouble later.

B is a few years older than P, but he was 3 when his dad left. His dad has not always been truthful about things, and even at 3, B knew that mommy was the one he could trust and daddy was for fun time. It is hard sometimes to be the trustworthy and responsible parent, but in the long run, that is the role you want. And the only way to get it, is to be truthful from day 1.

achase123

FormerlyAK:

I think you have to default to daddy, unfortunately. He IS P's dad ... he always will be even if he flakes and isn't in his life anymore.

If he does flake, P will always know you did what you could to let him have a relationship with daddy. You want to be truthful about all to P. That is what is important. So if you try to give him some other name to disguise the fact that SD is daddy until you know if he is going to flake this time or not, you could be setting yourself up for trouble later.

B is a few years older than P, but he was 3 when his dad left. His dad has not always been truthful about things, and even at 3, B knew that mommy was the one he could trust and daddy was for fun time. It is hard sometimes to be the trustworthy and responsible parent, but in the long run, that is the role you want. And the only way to get it, is to be truthful from day 1.

I guess that's why it's a good thing that our children got our brains.  They are and will be smart enough to smell BS from a mile away.