Attached at the hip ?

Superchicy

DD is extremely attached to me, as in there are days where I can't even move 2 feet without her freaking out and crying.  When she wakes up, if she hasn't seen me she is usually ok with DH, but if she sees me, even for a second, it's all over and she will cry until I come to her.  In order to get ready in the morning, I have to make sure she hasn't seen me to get a shower, or sneak away when she isn't looking and pray she doesn't scream with DH for the entire time I take a shower.  When I leave her at my mom's I also have to sneak away or she cries, but she does better  there at calming down once I'm gone, I think because she can get distracted at my mom's pretty easily. DH doesn't help much when he has her and she's upset, he just totally shuts down when she screams instead of trying to distract her or get her involved in something to take her mind off of it, but that's another story.

Now I'm not sure what's better, sneaking off or having some sort of "goodbye" routine where she knows I'm leaving and will return.  She watches me like a hawk and if I show any sign of leaving she freaks out and attaches herself to me.   I noticed today when I tried to sneak off just how much she is on to me and I hate feeling like I have to trick her to be able to go run an errand or get ready in the morning and risk her screaming the entire time.  Any suggestions?

tiffyr0se

I think sneaking off is going to make it worse.  She is (probably) afraid that if she takes her eyes off of you, you will disappear and she doesn't know when you're coming back.  I would always say goodbye and tell her that mommy will be back, even if she cries.  I would also recommend doing little exercises at home where you tell her mommy will be 'right back' and go into another room for a moment (gradually increase the amount of time you're gone).  When you come back, say something like 'see, mommy came right back'.  Then she will learn that mommy always comes back.  It is normal for children to cry when you leave at that age, but once she learns that you will come back, the crying should end as soon as you're gone.  Hope that helps

Mrs.Cooley2bee

Superchicy:

Now I'm not sure what's better, sneaking off or having some sort of "goodbye" routine where she knows I'm leaving and will return. 

I'd say it is probably easier to sneak off but better in the long run to start a goodbye routine.  It's probably just a phase...but as we all know, some phases seem to last forever.

Maybe you could tell her you are going "bye bye" and that you will be back.  Always do a kiss and a hug.  Does she have a blanket or a toy that she loves?  Maybe you could give that to her when you leave and ask her to hold it/play with it until you get back.  I assume she'll still cry but I wouldn't go back...just leave if you can.  Maybe after a few days she will start to feel better about it.

I kind of use the same technique with Charlotte for bedtime.  She isn't happy when I tell her it's time for bed but I try not to waiver and just take her back to her room.  If she starts getting out of her bed I put her back in and start reading her book even if she cries.  Usually, when she notices that I am reading and ignoring the crying she settles down. I leave the room promptly after kisses and do my very best not to re-enter the room until morning.

Good Luck!

sistrkate

Everything I have ever read about this affirms that sneaking away just compounds the problem.  When you do that, you are giving life to her fear that you are going to disappear, and she has no idea when/if you will come back.  I think you need to tell her exactly what is going to happen -- "Mommy is going to take a shower and will be back in a few minutes" or "Mommy is going to put some clothes in the washer, play with Daddy for a few minutes until I get back."  I think children really sense/pick up on our guilt in these situations, so if you are in the least wavering, she's going to pounce on that.

I agree with the others that this is probably just a phase, and I think it's completely normal at this age -- but so frustrating.  Be firm in your emotions when you are telling her good-bye, "Mommy loves you and will be back in a little while.  Play with Grandma and have a good time."  Make it short and sweet and eventually she'll realize that you do always come back!

Superchicy

Thanks for the responses!  You all pretty much affirmed what I was thinking.  Sneaking off worked when she was littler, but she is just too smart now and I do think I'm feeding it.  She has a stuffed cat she likes so maybe I'll use that for some sort of transition object.