Major family drama...I need advice!!

korr04

I need some serious advice. My parents have been divorced for almost 25 years and have hated each other since.  They had issues at my wedding, the birth of DS1 and DS1's first birthday party.  These are not screaming matches but whining to me, after the fact, about snide faces, tones etc.  It is actually 95% my mom whining and her instigating everthing to begin with.

DS2's first birthday is coming up and I am planning his party.  Both of my parents have said they will not come because they don't want to see the other. This is the first time either have them has done this.  While I should be happy that I don't have to deal with the after effects, I am devastated that they would do this to their grandchild.  My mom wants to have a little party at her house for DS and invite a few people instead of attending our party.

 My problem is that I don't know how to handle it.  DH says I should invite my dad, who I would prefer to have there, and tell him my mom isn't coming. We both agreed that we will not go for an additional party at my mom's house because it is her manipulative way of getting her way.  We decided that if we throw a party, then that's going to be the only party.  I'm afraid that if I tell her no party at her house then she will want to come to our party after I told my dad that she isn't coming. I prefer to tell them both the truth and step back and if neither of them shows, then no big deal.

How do you think I should handle it? 

HeatherRyan

I would basically tell them that they are two grown adults.  That you are having your sons party/their grandsons party on this day.  If they both choose not to be there for 2+ hours and not get along like adults for 2+ hours for their grandson, then so be it-they lose-the party goes son with or without them.

MrsErickson

I would tell them that if they can't put aside their tired petty differences for one day to celebrate their grandson then neither one of them should show up.  I hate when adults act like 2 year olds. 

beanzer

I agree with the previous posters...it is not like they are forced to be together every weekend...it is for special events only and they need to grow up and act like adults. ?If they cannot behave, then it is their loss amd unfortunately your DS since they cannot be responsible enough to be there to celebrate with him.
Good Luck!

mathteacher

I am really sorry that your in this situation.  It sounds like your parent's behavior has been going on a long time and probably won't change.  So, honestly I would just have my dad come to the party at my house and let my mom throw my son a party at her house.  The way I would look at it is, I want the best for my sons.  I would want them to have fun and not have too much tension around.  If there are two parties then they get to enjoy both grandparents in a relax enviornment.  Since your mom offered to have the other party I would leave all of the planning and decorating up to her and just sit back and enjoy.  It might be giving your mom her way, but I don't see that as a bad thing in this case.  She knows she can't handle having your dad around and she probably knows she's the problem so she is trying to come up with a solution that really just affects her (she's the one who will miss out on the main party).  Again, this is just what I would do and I'm very sorry that you have to deal with this.

vet

I agree w prev. posters...I would be honest and let them know the other is invited.  If they choose to not attend the grandchild's b-day that is their loss.  Stick to your decision to have one party...this is about your child's b-day, not about to grown adults that are acting like babies!