Hitting the new baby

mrsoc

I have a 22 month old and a 6 week old.  The toddler has started hitting (or trying to hit) the baby, dog, us, etc....  We tried the please stop hitting, that hurts people approach...not working.  We tried very short time outs, followed by a discussion of why we do not hit and apology....sort of working, but not great.  I wondered if others went through this and how you addressed it and how long it lasts.  It is difficult enough when DH and I are both home, but very difficult when it is just me, and I am nursing/caring for the baby.  I have had the toddler start helping me with tasks for the baby, to get him more involved, with his baby brother.  Thanks for any ideas, advice, suggestions for books/methods...etc...

CaitlinJ22

DS started hitting other kids at 15 months. By the time I had DD he was almost 18 months and it was still going on. He hit DD one time, and I flipped. I put him right in time out and in front of him gave the baby attention and asked her if she was ok, kissed her etc..all while ignoring him for 1-2 minutes. When he came out I made him apologize and kiss her on the head. 

They dont understand that things like that hurt other people, they arent quite capable of thinking of others feelings yet. If he hits the baby while you are holding the baby, then  dont put him down...if you do then the older one will win by getting your attention (albeit bad attention). Hold DS2 while holding DS1 hand and direct him into the same corner every time. Sit him down and tell him he is in timeout for hitting his brother and we DO NOT hit. Walk away and let him stay for 2 minutes. IF he gets up, walk him back. Be consistent. Do not talk to him, just bring him back. After the 2 mins is up, have him say sorry to the baby and kiss him. Then give him a big hug. Its true that they will do anything for attention--good or bad. So I know its hard, but the more positive attention the better. It will help stop the bad before it starts. Try to give him a lot of postive attention with the baby. SO I would say "you are the best big brother!""look, the baby loves you so much!" it helped a ton. 

You will get through this, it got mcuh better for us as he hit 22-24 months.  

sweetpea2003

At this age I keep it very simple.  If DD hits, kicks, attempts to hurt, etc the baby I move her immediately from where she is into time out.  She does 2 minutes of time out.  No toys, I do not make eye contact, and I continue my business from before (playing with DS, doing the dishes, etc).

I do not get into lengthy explanations about why that hurts her brother, etc.  At this age, that stuff is just "blah blah blah blah blah" (think the teacher in Snoopy).  One book I read called it "little adult syndrome" where we as adults think kids can handle the philosophical explanation of WHY things are bad.  They can't.  At all.  But the important thing is that they are connecting that hitting is wrong and that there is an immediate consequence.  Pair that with A LOT of praise when your toddler is being kind to your baby and things will get better.

bridgeybride

I am so worried about this.. I read what PPers have said.. but how do you KEEP your LO in time out??  My DD is 19 months now and she hits me.. my belly.. and laughs about it. (doesn't help that my dad has a big beer belly and he lets her drum on it.. I've told him to stop b/c she does it with me.)...I try to put her in time out with a serious voice and say that hitting hurts.. blah blah.. but she thinks it is a game/joke and just laughs.. and gets right up.. She won;t stay there and sit for more than 10 seconds.

She also pulled my hair the other day and it really really hurt..but she thought it was so funny.  Same thing.. I tried to put her in time out and she just laughed and got up and came to me.. I put her back.. was like a game. 

I'm starting to get anxious about how I'm going to be able to physically do this when i have a newborn in my arms.

 

NavyPilotWife

bridgeybride:

I am so worried about this.. I read what PPers have said.. but how do you KEEP your LO in time out?? 

If she stands up, I tell her to sit on her bottom and give her my "mom's not joking look."  If she gets up and leaves, I take her back to time out.  I do explain to DD, why I had to put her in time out after she's done.  I try to keep it as short as possible like "No hitting. Gentle touches with baby."  I'd repeat the gentle touches with baby a couple of times and then we hug.

sweetpea2003

bridgeybride:

I am so worried about this.. I read what PPers have said.. but how do you KEEP your LO in time out??  My DD is 19 months now and she hits me.. my belly.. and laughs about it. (doesn't help that my dad has a big beer belly and he lets her drum on it.. I've told him to stop b/c she does it with me.)...I try to put her in time out with a serious voice and say that hitting hurts.. blah blah.. but she thinks it is a game/joke and just laughs.. and gets right up.. She won;t stay there and sit for more than 10 seconds.

She also pulled my hair the other day and it really really hurt..but she thought it was so funny.  Same thing.. I tried to put her in time out and she just laughed and got up and came to me.. I put her back.. was like a game. 

I'm starting to get anxious about how I'm going to be able to physically do this when i have a newborn in my arms.

 

Timeout is short (one minute for each year).  Because of that, you do not let them go.  If they get up, you pick them up and gently put them back.  Eventually they will get the idea.  My daughter has learned that I mean business when she is in time out and doesn't try to get up anymore.  Practice and consistency.  Kids are creatures of habit so she'll catch on.