For those who have a SO

LJF1218

Does your SO have children as well?  I was totally not looking for anything remotely romantic after my disaster with Dr. Wonderful, and have been focusing completely on DS.  But of course when you're not looking is when something (or someone rather) seems to fall in your lap.

We are taking it EXTREMELY slow, just talking/emailing every day and he has not met Barrett yet, though he knows about him of course.  While he is comfortable with the fact that I have a baby he does not have any children and I wonder if he really realizes what it entails.  He lives with his brother and nephew (who is 5) so I don't think he's completely in the dark about kids or anything, but new infants are much different than small children.

On the other hand if your SO has children I guess you may be dealing with BM/step parent type issues. 

I know all of this is very premature, but I honestly haven't thought about dating with a baby before and now it's on my mind, if not for this relationship than for future ones.  Any opinions/insights?

achase123

I don't have a SO, but I have had relationships since my marriage ended.  In one two instances they had children (both of the men had two daughters).  I have also had relationships where they didn't have children.

Honestly, i think it's easier when they do not.  It's a little harder to gage what kind of potential parent they may be, but they have less baggage, so to speak.  Both men I dated had ex wives that were pretty messed up.  One was an alcoholic and one was just constant drama 24/7 and was always trying to talk to me about her problems with him.

I would say just continue to take it slowly.  Eventually you will know when/if the time is right to introduce B to your SO. 

That is exciting that you met someone, I hope he's a keeper!

sweetie0228

My H doesn't have any other children.  I introduced him into the children's lives slowly and he developed his role to them from a nice guy that mommy is friends with to now getting ready to adopt them.  My ex the children's biofather and his family is not in their lives and my H took on the role of daddy completely.  He and I take turns who stays home when the kids are sick.  The kids are just as comfortable with him taking them to doctors/dentist appointments as if they were w/ me.  He goes over homework and has different activities he does with each of them.

I lucked out.  I fell in love with a man that fell in love with being a daddy to my children.

He may not be a conventional hottie like Laurie's H.  But let me tell you.  When you see a man who loves your kids just as much as you do and completes that "family scene" in your head of how a daddy acts.  That man is the HOTTEST person on earth!

 

fauxshelley

sweetie0228:

My H doesn't have any other children.  I introduced him into the children's lives slowly and he developed his role to them from a nice guy that mommy is friends with to now getting ready to adopt them.  My ex the children's biofather and his family is not in their lives and my H took on the role of daddy completely.  He and I take turns who stays home when the kids are sick.  The kids are just as comfortable with him taking them to doctors/dentist appointments as if they were w/ me.  He goes over homework and has different activities he does with each of them.

I lucked out.  I fell in love with a man that fell in love with being a daddy to my children.

He may not be a conventional hottie like Laurie's H.  But let me tell you.  When you see a man who loves your kids just as much as you do and completes that "family scene" in your head of how a daddy acts.  That man is the HOTTEST person on earth!

 

LIKE!!!

DarthNBJenni

My H has a daughter who is 10 months older than the girls. It was very important for me that any father I potentially dated 1.) be very involved in their child's life and 2.) had minimal to no drama with their ex partner. I lucked out on both accounts.

PrettyInPearls23

My BF is divorced but doesn't have any children. From the very beginning he was very accepting of the fact I have DS and am a package deal. We know each other from "back in the day" so he knew through the grapevine (and FB) that I had gotten married and had a child. He didn't know about my divorce until he ran into my mom at her work and she told him.

I understand what you're saying about your SO not "fully" understanding what it means to be a mom. In fact, I was concerned about the same thing with my BF. I even said to him that the idea of me being a mom is completely different than the reality of it. Thankfully he's been beyond wonderful -- both with his interactions with DS and being understanding and respectful of any boundaries that I set concerning DS. For example, BF knows I don't like him sleeping over when DS is home, so we save that for the weekends DS is with his dad. He also knows that DS is my first priority above and beyond anything else and I'm very thankful he's understanding and accepting of that.

Since your DS is still very young, introducing them shouldn't be an issue. Just don't do it until you feel comfortable. IMO, I'd want to see how a guy handles the reality of being a parent before things got too serious. This way you don't get too wrapped up in someone only to find out they flake at the reality of you being a mom. I'm not saying to introduce your LO to every guy you go on a date with, but you know what I mean. Now if LO was older and had an idea of who the people in his/her life were, then I'd suggest waiting quite a bit longer before any introductions are made.

GL! And just remember that only you can decide what is right for you and your LO.

PrincessFiona9

My SO does not have any kids. I like it that way because he is able to devote all of his free time to me and DD. Selfish, maybe, but it's the truth. SO met DD pretty early on and he is a big part of her life already.

r9stedt

No he doesn't have children.

 

We have been together for a18+ months,and now live  together with the talk of buying a house and marriage.

 

There are some things that he struggles with the understand the  role of being a parent, but with most things, he just falls in line.   He does individual activities with L, has stayed home with L when I couldn't (and his dad wouldn't), takes him to his family farm so I can have time alone, daily routines, reinforcing discipline, etc.

HUGE role in his life.

 

I forget the initial questions. :P 

LJF1218

Thanks for your input, everyone!  Will keep you all updated . . .

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detroitblondie

sweetie0228:

My H doesn't have any other children.  I introduced him into the children's lives slowly and he developed his role to them from a nice guy that mommy is friends with to now getting ready to adopt them.  My ex the children's biofather and his family is not in their lives and my H took on the role of daddy completely.  He and I take turns who stays home when the kids are sick.  The kids are just as comfortable with him taking them to doctors/dentist appointments as if they were w/ me.  He goes over homework and has different activities he does with each of them.

I lucked out.  I fell in love with a man that fell in love with being a daddy to my children.

He may not be a conventional hottie like Laurie's H.  But let me tell you.  When you see a man who loves your kids just as much as you do and completes that "family scene" in your head of how a daddy acts.  That man is the HOTTEST person on earth!

 

Amen to that!!! 

detroitblondie

sweetie0228:

My H doesn't have any other children.  I introduced him into the children's lives slowly and he developed his role to them from a nice guy that mommy is friends with to now getting ready to adopt them.  My ex the children's biofather and his family is not in their lives and my H took on the role of daddy completely.  He and I take turns who stays home when the kids are sick.  The kids are just as comfortable with him taking them to doctors/dentist appointments as if they were w/ me.  He goes over homework and has different activities he does with each of them.

I lucked out.  I fell in love with a man that fell in love with being a daddy to my children.

He may not be a conventional hottie like Laurie's H.  But let me tell you.  When you see a man who loves your kids just as much as you do and completes that "family scene" in your head of how a daddy acts.  That man is the HOTTEST person on earth!

 

Amen to that!!! 

lurkylulu2

Did you make sure this guy doesn't have a wife and kids? Nevermind, you don't care about things like that anyway!