WWYD: NIFR family issue

Ginger71

Just wondering how to approach a situation and wanted some opinions from you girls.

DH's cousin just got divorced. We are kind of close...we don't really see each other outside of family GTG but she is so sweet and we spend time together when we do see each other. She has also always come to my family funerals out of respect and we do the same. When we recently went to her Grandpa's funeral (not DH's side) she told me how much she loved me and how glad she is that I am part of their family.

Dh's parents told us there were issues and they were living apart but we don't like to participate in family gossip so we really had no idea it was so serious. I found her on FB yesterday and was surprised to see her using her maiden name. She sent me a msg saying she hoped to see me soon.

DH called her Mom to invite them to a family reunion at our house when his parents visit and she told him they were now divorced. She was crying and upset and it is very hard on all of them.

My question: should I email her or send her a card and say how sorry I am? I'm sure her mother told her that she mentioned it to DH. Or should I wait until I see her at our house? I would hate to make her sad at a party, though.

I was thinking something like: I just heard about what you have been going through and I had no idea. I'm so sorry and just want you to know that I'm here if you need me. Short and sweet.

The thing is, she has never said anything about our IF and m/cs and I'm sure she knows. She is probably being respectful of our privacy and I would like to do the same while letting her know that I care. It is not like a m/c where you can hide it...it will be pretty obvious if I never see her husband around again. I just don't want to seem hypocritical,you know?

WWYD? TIA!

theworms

I think a short email saying that you care and are there for her is a nice gesture.  

 

madelyn07

Hmmm..well, I think I'd maybe just send her a card, a thinking of you type card, and not really mention anything specific. Or would that be strange within your relationship?

I don't think I'd mention it at the party.

And I get what you are you saying about how she is respecting your privacy and you want to do the same to her but, and this is just my opinion, a divorce is different than infertility/pregnancy loss. It will be (already is?) common knowledge that she divorced, especially if she is using her maiden name on Facebook. Of course you should respect her and the situation but I don't think the "privacy" extends to the same level, kwim?

 

MBfromBMC

I think a simple note would be really nice so that you don't have to mention your support at the party.  When you send a note, she can deal with it in her own way and either call you back and talk, or just appreciate your gesture and move on. 

DeputiesWife

I think that a card or email would be a nice gesture.

vanessagorc

theworms:

I think a short email saying that you care and are there for her is a nice gesture.  

 

ditto this G.

Tanya+Da

I think your short and sweet idea is perfect. Let's her deal in her own time and way, but you are letting her know that you care and she can reach out to you in her own time. I think it is touching. I would definitely want someone to reach out to me in a time like that.

cookie_queen

I think a short note or a simple card would be nice. I don't think I'd bring it up at a party.

SweetDahlia

I think a card would be nice. Better to not mention it at the party, but I do agree that a divorce is way diffrent than IF since people are going to notice her ex not around anymore.

Ginger71

Thanks, girlies. My instinct was to reach out - I am very comfortable comforting people I  am glad you see how the m/c is diff from a divorce and that I won't seem nosey by acknowledging it.

etoyama

theworms:

I think a short email saying that you care and are there for her is a nice gesture.  

 

I think this is a good idea, too.