weekends are the toughest for me...

so1966

many of you may be in my shoes and have endured IF for a long time and due to unsuccessful treatments are now embarking on adoption. . i'm so burnt out from my 5 failed IVFs and somehow i need to pull myself together to embark on the adoption journey. that thought frightens me, as i know adoption can be a long journey, as well.  

 the weekends are the toughest for me.  my house has been empty for 3 years and all of my friends/family have children. they all want to see me and all i can do is connect w/ family and my nieces. i have a minimal social life and even get emotional when i go out.  i see babies at the mall and babies at the restaurant.  i guess my family doesn't understand that sometimes going out is not comforting. the hardest part is going to church.  i cannot handle seeing all the babies taking communion and nosey parents asking me about my life and where are my children??  so...i haven't even gone to church. i pray in my house and will be having our priest bless our house and hopefully provide us some spiritual counseling.

 thanks for listening...

 

 

Ranita

There are some similarities in our stories.  My DH and I have always wanted to adopt so when TTC didn't go as we planned, we chose this road over ART so I will do you the honor of speaking honestly and telling you I cannot imagine how you must feel or the loss you have experienced, because I can't.
What I can understand is going through the seasons where going out is not comforting and having family with babies.  My SIL had 2 pregnancies in the time that we were TTC and when we went to visit the most recent one I thought I was fine but as soon as the baby was in my arms I felt like I was drowning.
Church was bitter sweet as we have some amazing friends who have been an awesome support and some nosey acquaintances who know nothing of our lives but feel the right to pry.
I won't advise as we are all unique but I will tell you what helped me.
1) lots of crying in the bubble bath - and giving myself permission to.
2) lots of journalling or rambling on these boards just to feel like someone outside of DH and I was listening.
3) doing my best to take care of myself and my DH.  Whether it was manicures, trying out new amazing recipes, or dates that DIDN'T include my charts.  I needed to feel like a woman and a wife and find a way to live in the moment.  One of the days that I got my period, DH and I randomly decided to go to a (not cheap) play and spontaneously did it.  It may sound dumb but it was what we needed.
All in all, know that you're not alone, and feel free to vent here whenever you need to.  From my experience, you will get nothing but support.
Hugs

BB&J

Sorry you're hurting. DH & I went through IF too and I don't think I realized how much I wanted a child until I heard that we wouldn't be able to conceive without donor eggs, IVF etc. At that point, we decided to adopt. We adopted from China and at the time the wait and the process were very predictable and steady. Once we made that decision, it felt like we once again had some control over our lives compared with IF treatments that offered no guarantees (I realize adoption doesn't either, but the program we were enrolled in was the closest we could get to a guarantee). While adoption can be a very up and down journey, the rewards are well worth it.

Maybe you could enroll in a class on the weekends or do some volunteer work with children. Something for YOU. Take this time to take care of yourself, work through your emotions and grief so your head is in the right place once you start the adoption process.

Post here anytime you need reassurance or just want to vent. This is a great group!

BB&J

 

 

Amy720

I can completely understand where you're coming from. I went through 4 and 1/2 years of IF treatments including 2 IVF's and 2 miscarriages.  It was very hard to be around babies and pregnant women.  I put on a brave face and carried on.

When we finally decided to adopt and I had a plan, I felt a little better, but it didn't get all the way better until we adopted Ben.  

I pray that you have peace about your decision and hang in there, you will be a mommy some day!