which grandma to name baby after but not make the other feel bad--would love your advice

jmott427

We are trying to decide on a middle name for our LO and we'd like it to be after my mom or dh's mom.  They are both living and will both be equally involved in baby's life but we are having trouble deciding how to choose which one and then how do you tell the other that our baby is named after the other grandma. I feel so bad doing that.  It's the first grandchild for both sides. 

Any thoughts ladies?  TIA!

 

honkytonk_kid

I'm going to need to know the names before deciding

LaComtesse

Depends on the first name you choose and which grandma's name goes better with it. I take it that using one as a first and one as a middle is not in the running for you... nor combining them in some way? 

jmott427

MIL's name is Sue and my Mom is Joan.  So we would do Suzanne or Suzanna or Joanna.  First name is going to be Aleah or Brianna. 

jmott427

LaComtesse:

Depends on the first name you choose and which grandma's name goes better with it. I take it that using one as a first and one as a middle is not in the running for you... nor combining them in some way? 

 We can't think of a way to combine them.   Would love to if you can think of something!

CluckyEV

honkytonk_kid:

I'm going to need to know the names before deciding

same here

eta: read whole post before responding 

HannahO28

I think the argument could be made that the baby already has your MIL's last name (if, in fact that's going to be the case) and that you should therefore use your mom's name. 

But, I think you should just choose the name that sounds best with the FN you want, and then just announce the name. There's no need to tell the "other mom" who the baby was named after, they'll get it. They'll probably just assume the next baby will be named after them, and they'll get over it. They'll just be so overjoyed at having a granddaughter that they won't spend too much time dwelling on her name.  

CluckyEV

Aleah Suzanna/Joanna

Brianna Joan/Suzanne (I would not do Joanna or Suzanna with this name due to the anna endings)

About which one to pick, no clue. 

honkytonk_kid

Hmm... is Joan the usual pronunciation or is it Jo-ann? (I only ask because my mn is Joan pronounced Jo-ann )

I like Aleah Suzanne.

Aleah/Brianna Suzanna/Joanna doesn't sound good to me- I don't like the similar -ah endings.

 

Liz4444

I would go with Suzanne, just because I really dislike the idea of first and last name ending in "a", just think, Brianna Joanna?  If you want to try and combine, what about Josie?

ambs21

honkytonk_kid:

Hmm... is Joan the usual pronunciation or is it Jo-ann? (I only ask because my mn is Joan pronounced Jo-ann )

I like Aleah Suzanne.

Aleah/Brianna Suzanna/Joanna doesn't sound good to me- I don't like the similar -ah endings.

 

This.  Also, no need to make a big announcement about who baby was named after... just announce the name.  They'll be so excited to meet their granddaughter that they won't care.  Tell whichever grandmother you choose privately that baby is named for them.  It will mean so much to them, but it doesn't need to be a big to-do!  Good luck deciding!

Texas77again

ok, it can't be Brianna Joanna or Brianna Suzanna.  nope, no way.  Aleah looks funny but also doesn't sound right with Joanna and i'm not sure i like it any better with Suzanna. 

maybe back to the drawing board?  maybe something that doesn't end in "ah" sound, since both of your mn choices end with that. 

mama31

I was in the same dilemna with this baby.  DD was named after DH side of the family, so I felt it was fair to name this baby after my side this time.  Maybe if you have another girl you can use the other ones name next time.

miababy

jmott427:

MIL's name is Sue and my Mom is Joan.  So we would do Suzanne or Suzanna or Joanna.  First name is going to be Aleah or Brianna. 

What about Joanna Suzanne, Suzanna Joan, or Suzanna Joanne? I think the names sound nice together and they both have sweet nn you could use if you wanted.

BrideBuddies

This is why I'm a big believer in naming a child for him/herself and not for a living relative.   (Dead relatives are a different matter..)

And since it's the first grandbaby on either side, I'd strongly urge you to avoid making this a competition between the grandmas, especially if one or both of them are overly sensitive to stuff like this.

And FWIW, Suzanne is lovely (Since it's my name!) 

nekillo

If it helps, what we are doing with the first born is that if it is a girl, the name will come from my fam, boy the name will come from DH's.  I do like Aleah Joan

jupiterthecat

That's the one problem with honoring family with middle names-- you can't honor everyone in one child. 

Are you planning on having more children? If so, you could plan on naming the next child something from the other family...so if it's another girl, you could go with either Joanna or Suzanne(/a). If it's a boy next time, you could choose a male name from the other family, maybe your father/ FIL. So, if you really can't decide, you could think about who has the best boy name options for next time and then use the opposite family. 

 BTW, I prefer the Susannah or Susanna spellings to the Z spellings. And as someone who has both first and middle names ending with -a, I agree that the flow isn't quite right. 

sugarpumpkin716

any chance you can use both somehow?

ZachsMomma

Why not have two middle names and use both?

gatorsgirl213

Josie is a good suggestion! 

If you're going with one or the other, I would say Suzanne because, worst case scenario, if you don't have another girl, you can always name a boy Joseph.  It's a stretch, but it could work if you really sell it! 

We are kind of in the same situation with our mom's names...no combos to be found!  Good luck!

MAMAxB

HannahO28:

I think the argument could be made that the baby already has your MIL's last name (if, in fact that's going to be the case) and that you should therefore use your mom's name. 

But, I think you should just choose the name that sounds best with the FN you want, and then just announce the name. There's no need to tell the "other mom" who the baby was named after, they'll get it. They'll probably just assume the next baby will be named after them, and they'll get over it. They'll just be so overjoyed at having a granddaughter that they won't spend too much time dwelling on her name.  

This

Peggy0228

We chose to honour both sides of our family and gave DS his own first name, then two middle names--one for each grandpa.  We personally felt it was a great way to honour both families, to avoid hurt feelings, to avoid feeling 'trapped' into the other name even if it didn't work with the first name etc. 

As far as this statement...

They'll just be so overjoyed at having a granddaughter that they won't spend too much time dwelling on her name. 

 

If either of your Mom's are AT ALL like my MIL, their feelings will be horribly hurt.  My dear MIL didn't say a word to her daughter when her DD was named after her one grandma, thankfully, but she did share with us.

mcgee

Brianna doesn't sound right with either of those middle name options. What about Leah instead of Aleah? Leah Suzanne or Leah Susanne is lovely.

tarener0421

miababy:

jmott427:

MIL's name is Sue and my Mom is Joan.  So we would do Suzanne or Suzanna or Joanna.  First name is going to be Aleah or Brianna. 

What about Joanna Suzanne, Suzanna Joan, or Suzanna Joanne? I think the names sound nice together and they both have sweet nn you could use if you wanted.

I agree with this poster...We were having a similar dilema.  I really wanted the MN Jeanne - afterr my late grandmother and mother, as well as my sister.  DH wanted his mother's middle name - Elaine.  Elaine and Jeanne sound terrible together...It took a lot of debate, but we decided on Elaina Jeanne.  Honestly there were a few other names that we liked a little better than Elaina, but the idea of honoring both sides of the family was more important to us, plus when we saw her it just made sense - I knew it was her name.  

sweetface83

If you're planning on having more kids, I wouldn't fuss over it that much.  Also, to be honest, if someone is going to make such a big deal over her name, I wouldn't want to name my baby after them anyway.  Just bc the baby isn't named after them doesn't mean they are any less important.

FWIW, Suzanne flows better with your FN choices. 

mrskristend821

jmott427:

MIL's name is Sue and my Mom is Joan.  So we would do Suzanne or Suzanna or Joanna.  First name is going to be Aleah or Brianna. 

Joanna is our "combine them" middle name.  It actually covers 2 of our 4 grandmothers (the 2 still living), both moms, and one grandfather!

That said, with the first name ending in the "a" sound, I'd go with either Suzanne or Joanne, so that the first and middle name don't rhyme. Brianna Joanna just sounds a little strange to me.

LeahanneM

What about Aleah Suzy or Brianna Joan