Can I just host my own baby shower?

littlebigmama

Word.

littlebigmama

You still don"t get it.

mben1119

baileyrayvalentine:

As the OP, I am shocked that this topic garnered so many replies and was such a hot topic!  Two pages!  A record for one of my posts.  I feel the need to follow up (again) because while I am certainly not critiquing the answers I received, I guess I am just shocked at the hostile tone some of you took.  I am not new to this forum as one of you suggested, I have been here with you all since I was 5 weeks pregnant, and I have so far really enjoyed the camaraderie and sisterhood I felt being a part of this group.  

 

I am not an ingrate, I am not tacky, and I really don't think all the customs and formalities matter if handled with tact.  I mean, by creating a registry to begin with, aren't we ALL asking for presents?  By being a willing participant in the shower, aren't we ALL expecting to get those presents?  In my case, it really comes down to logistics.  But I'm sure in other cases, it has to do with family dynamics, finances, schedules, etc etc etc - I think in the end, we should give each other a break, and the benefit of the doubt.  I wish we all lived in a world where we had great friends with tons of time on their hands to dedicate to each of our baby showers, but we don't all live in that world.  It really is about celebrating family, friends, and the arrival of a blessed child.  By insinuating that I'm "gift-grubbing", some of you misconstrued what I see as the point of the shower - which is love and togetherness and not presents.  Sure presents are nice, but not necessary and in my case, ultimately not the point.  

 

I know I asked the question and should have been prepared for all the answers that I got...I guess I was just hoping for a little less judgement and a little more conversation.  And if any of you are curious, there was a similar post on Baby Center, and the tone of the responses was considerably different from what I saw here - funny how a different site garners such a different vibe:

 

https://www.babycenter.com/400_should-i-throw-my-own-baby-shower_500257_1.bc 

But in your original post, you ask what the custom is.  The custom is SOMEONE ELSE throws your shower for you.  To shower you with gifts. Hence the name. You register if you are having a shower so people know what kinds of things you need/want.  They'll buy you all kinds of other things too.  And while, yes, most of us will get a shower, most of us don't have the gall to be like, you know what, I don't like the kind of shower someone else would take the time and effort and money to throw me, so I'll just do it myself.  Because that is selfish.

Sarahbear621

Wow ask for help and then insult everyone who gives their opinion that you don't like OP- thumbs up to you!!

 Seriously I don't understand how you talk about wanting to celebrate friends, family and baby with a shower you throw yourself.  The point is for others to do the planning so it is special for you!  My shower was so special to me because my friends planned all of it- all the details.  They took into consideration my wishes but I was happy to not be involved.  It is tacky to throw your own shower.  And TRUST me when I say people will talk about it if you do.  I have only been invited to one shower where the mother threw it and it was the only topic of conversation while at the shower...it was horrible. 

If you like the responses you get on babycenter perhaps that is a better fit for you.  I really like the November mommies.  I think they are helpful and for the most part very positive with everything they put out there.  Perhaps you are not used to people giving their honest opinions?

MsEmilyAnn

I've never heard of it being okay to host your own shower. I'd think it was very odd and "greedy" of someone to host it themselves, etc. You should have your Mom plan/host it, and just deal with it if she annoys you.

I think the only way you can host something yourself is if you don't call it a shower. Call it a bbq and don't mention anything about the baby, gift registries, etc. Just a party to have a party.

ETA: If you go ahead and do it yourself, be prepared for people to lie to you, if you ask if it bothers them that you are hosting. It would bother most people, but they would be polite and tell you it doesn't.

Christine&Mario

Agreeing wholeheartedly - hosting your baby shower is tacky and basically just asking all your friends to buy you stuff. If you don't want to let somebody else run the show, then don't have a shower. We're all having our babies around the holidays; maybe you can host a holiday party later on to let everybody meet the baby without the expectation of gifts.

kevin-justina10

we're sort-of hosting our own...our invitation reads "given with love by the parents-to-be and their families." of course, it's a big bar-b-que (actually, a pig roast per my husband's demand) so it's very informal. plus, this is our first and we're both young and only married a year so lots of people already want to give us presents. it also makes it easier for us because we have so many very close friends that want to throw us showers...we just say we're having one big one and they get on board to help us make it awesome! i have a team of my mom's friends ready to make mass amounts of macaroni and cheese and potato salad and green bean casserole, and all of their husbands/significant others are helping my dad and husband with getting the backyard ready and hanging twinkle lights! it's a celebration for the BABY, not the parents!

vanessa11411

I have freinds who kept telling me to throw my own because I should have a baby shower. I honestly would be so embarassed if i did. Thankfully my MIL offered to throw us one recently. You have two people offering to throw you a baby shower. Let them do it. Don't throw your own.

telmoreWed44580

O my gosh, This is my first time on this sight. I came seeking some advice; with the advise here I realize that I will not be coming here for it. Life is different for everyone and all our situations are unique. To tell someone to get a grib... well that is awesome advice! (NOT). I didn't see anything rude or out of line by this question, I didn't feel that the questioner was talking badly on her mother. And I do understand her conserns, even though the mother(of the baby) will not be hosting the baby shower... If it is not planned well or goes completly sour it shows on the mother not the host. For most guests wont know who the host is, usually only of her or just her name from the invite. I recently planned a shower for a friend-she wanted a co-ed baby shower... we together looked at themes and what not, that would fit her and her husband. As the planner, I realized that I was planning with this event for her; therefore, it should be what she wanted. My job was just helping with ideas and putting it all together (ground work). My advise is when someone askes to host make sure that they have your best interest at heart. Your mother will prob be perfect, because you will be able to be honest with her, and tell her what you want as well as help her do it. It might not be proper to host your own, but you can still help plan it. And you should help plan it! Also you don't want to offend you friend that has already offered to plan, I assume you had accepted her offer. You can not take her off the shower if you have accepted; However, you can ask her to help co host you shower with your mom. It will be easier for your mom, to have you and your friend to help share the taskes of planning and preparing a shower.

I hope this will help you, Best of luck!!!

Cranang

TelmoreWed, yeah, I don't think you need to come back here.  Clearly, your reading comprehension skills are sub-par...at best.

No one is saying you can't be involved in the planning of the party.  The question was "can I HOST my own baby shower?"  The answer to that question is ALWAYS "no."

littlewinnie15

But her ability to bring up a 2 month old thread and write the longest paragraph ever are amazing!! It's okay though, she doesn't need our "advise".

vanessa11411

Cranang:

If you think WE'RE being harsh, go post the question on the "Baby Showers" board and see the responses you get. 

I was just thinking this.

I was suppose to have a shower this weekend but it got cancelled. They didn't have anything planned yet. Invitations were sent out and that was about it. As much as I would have LOVED to have a baby shower, it's just not happening. So I just have to deal with the fact that I am not getting one. I do plan on getting together with my friends and hanging out, cause I'd love to have some pictures of me pregnant and not just my HDBD bathroom pics.