Intro and ? regarding DH's hesitation

ambs21

Hello, ladies!  My name is Amber.  I have a beautiful 2 yo DD who was born via c-section after being induced and laboring for 23+ hrs. and never getting past 1cm dilated (they said 1cm was being generous).  DD was way high when they went in to get her, so that was the problem.  I had another pregnancy with identical twins that turned into a missed m/c at 11 wks (babies only grew to 7.5 wks).  That was to be a repeat c/s since there were 2 and the high risk of both babies being in the same sac.  This time there is only 1 baby, and I am hoping for a VBAC.  I haven't discussed it with my OB yet (but will next appt.), so I'm not sure what her advice will be.  I really don't want to labor and end up with a c/s again.  If that is likely to happen, I'd rather just plan the c/s so that I'm not worn out and having major abdominal surgery. 

DH would really I rather have a RCS.  He thought the c/s was a great experience.  He felt everything was so well controlled and both his girls were safe.  Laboring with monitoring DD was making him nervous.  He thinks that is best.  He's also completely freaked out about being in the room for a vaginal delivery.  He doesn't want to see anything.  I certainly want to take his concerns into consideration, but the recovery is much more difficult (as you all know), and I hate the thought of not being able to hold DD pp.  Anyone else have a hesitant SO? 

If you read all of that, thank you!  Cookies all around on me!  Any input or advice is welcome!

court1703

I would make sure he knows the pros and cons to each side.  I would also explain your side and why you think a VBAC would be better.  And see if any of that changes his mind.

iris427

Welcome!  

I think your husband needs to understand that this is your body.  Of course you value his input but ultimately this is your choice.

I also had a long induction that ended in a c/s the first time, so I think at first my husband was hesitant to think about us going through that again.  But the more I talked to him about what the chance at a VBAC meant to me and how much safer it was for me, the more he came to be my number 1 supporter.

If your husband doesn't want to see the birth, he can stand by your shoulders and look at your face.  But I think he needs to accept that he'll probably end up seeing something because it's hard not to.  What exactly is he afraid of here--is it the blood, etc.?  Maybe watching some birth videos would help?  

And unfortunately, with VBAC there is always the risk that you will labor and just end up with another cesarean.  VBAC success averages around 75%.  All of us have to consider that possibility.  Personally I knew I would always regret it if I didn't at least try.  But you may not feel that way.  What matters is which option you are most comfortable with. 

GL with everything!  Let us know what your OB says. 

+diana82+

DH wasn't crazy about the idea either.  In fact, nor was I at first. My OB oddly enough is pretty much the one who sold me on the idea, and once I became "set" on it (I say "set" because I'm OK with another c/s if this doesn't work out it's just not my first choice - my experience wasn't bad), DH got on board.

 Did you guys do a birthing class the first time? If not I would suggest it this time, or maybe doing a refresher. DH is super squeamish and wasn't crazy about any of the labor/birth process last time around but taking the class made a huge difference - much moreso than I ever expected.

FInally, I agree with Iris - ultimately it's your body and your choice and your DH needs to get that.  GL with whatever you decide.

 

ambs21

Thanks for the responses!  DH has said that it is my choice.  He just remains uncomfortable with it.  He said that he was just so confident and comfortable with the c/s.  He felt good about how controlled everything was.  I have tried to explain that it's safer for me to VBAC, but he just sees the unknowns in vaginal delivery and thinks the controlled c/s is preferable.  I didn't have a bad c/s experience, and I know I could labor and end up there again, but that's what I want to discuss with my OB.  I don't know if there is something about my body that made it difficult for DD to descend, or if she just wasn't ready.  If it is something that is likely to be repeated due to my bone structure or something, I'd rather plan a c/s than labor and fail.  That's just so exhausting!  We will likely take a refresher course, but the birth videos are really what scared DH so much in the first place.  He's not good with medical issues.  He gets nervous and blood makes him think something awful is happening!  Again, thank you all so much for your responses!

iris427

ambs21:

Thanks for the responses!  DH has said that it is my choice.  He just remains uncomfortable with it.  He said that he was just so confident and comfortable with the c/s.  He felt good about how controlled everything was.  I have tried to explain that it's safer for me to VBAC, but he just sees the unknowns in vaginal delivery and thinks the controlled c/s is preferable.  I didn't have a bad c/s experience, and I know I could labor and end up there again, but that's what I want to discuss with my OB.  I don't know if there is something about my body that made it difficult for DD to descend, or if she just wasn't ready.  If it is something that is likely to be repeated due to my bone structure or something, I'd rather plan a c/s than labor and fail.  That's just so exhausting!  We will likely take a refresher course, but the birth videos are really what scared DH so much in the first place.  He's not good with medical issues.  He gets nervous and blood makes him think something awful is happening!  Again, thank you all so much for your responses!

I see this mentioned a lot and I think it's kind of interesting that we have this perception that a surgical process is more controlled than a regular bodily process.  If you look statistically at the risks of vaginal birth vs. the risks of a c/s, I think you see that a c/s really isn't anymore in our control than a vaginal birth.  For example, a mom is more likely to have a postpartum hemorrhage and need an emergency hysterectomy if she has a cesarean.  That's not controlled.  Of course there are risks beyond our control with both ways.

Even with a c/s for failure to descend, you still have a 65% chance or greater at having a VBAC.  There are a lot of factors that could have contributed like your baby's position, the baby's cord, what position you were pushing in, if you had an epidural and how early you got it, etc. There's no reason to assume your bone structure would lead to another cesarean.  In this day and age, where we have proper nutrition, true cephalopelvic disproportion is rare.  I had a c/s for failure to descend too and with my VBAC I had a fast labor and no problems pushing my baby out.  It was completely different from my first delivery.  But I understand why you are worried; I felt the same way.

GL with your choice.