August 2011 Moms
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So stressed out! Should I cancel my baby shower?
My best friend offered to throw me a coed baby shower several months ago. She already sent out the invites and the shower is 7/10. She just texted me saying that she's overwhelmed and gave me a to do list of things needed for the shower. Initially it was just going to be sandwiches, punch, tea, etc. Then she decided to do a big BBQ at my house and now she wants me to get sausages, hotdogs, bottled water, a canopy for my backyard, charcoal, forks, knives, cups, keg, ketchup, mayo, etc for burgers. I'm not sure how to handle this. When she offered to throw it for me I was very grateful and excited and now a week away I'm completly stressed. Part of me wants to just cancel it because it's going to cost me hundreds of dollars to get everything that she's asking me to get. I would say forget the keg and BBQ but she put that it would be here on the invite. I have nothing for the baby and he's due next month! I would rather buy stuff that we need for the baby than throw a party. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
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Re: So stressed out! Should I cancel my baby shower?
This!
Seriously, if she is going to do this, it is better to cancel and get your baby's stuff rather than all that crap.
I would let her know you are grateful but you where not expecting to be buying all the food supplies. Let her know that you won't be able to and see what she says.
It would suck to have to cancel, but you don't want to be the one to have to supply everything. I would say just do your own "meet the baby" BBQ sometime after your baby gets here and just use the money (that your friend wants you to spend on supplies) for stuff for the baby.
I wouldn't ask guests to bring any food because they are already bringing gifts. This is your friends responsibility and if she can't handle it she should have called other mutual friends or your mom not you. Tell her NO
Start with this and see how it goes.
If she needs some help (we are all overwhelmed and over scheduled these days) give her your mom's, sister's cousin's, etc phone numbers.
If the above don't work, cancel the shower. You don't need the stress.
Ugh, what a mess.
Still, I think it would be less awkward to email guests and warn them that there won't be a BBQ and beer than it would be to have to email them all and say the party's cancelled.
Why don't you just suggest she (b/c SHE should send the email) say something like "wanted to give you a heads up that after talking to the guest of honor, we decided an all-day bash out in the hot sun was too much to handle at 8 months pregnant, so we're streamlining things and will just have [desserts/snacks/whatever it is she feels like she can handle]. Please plan to eat before or after the party!" and then she just needs to make sure she's not planning any elaborate games or anything that will make the shower last longer than 2 hours from start to finish.
I agree that it would be best to cancel the shower and spend the money on the things you need for the LO. You should not be asked to purchase all of that when someone else offers to throw you a shower. My shower was at my house and the only thing I had to do was make sure our house was clean.
As for the potluck idea, I think it depends on your group of friends. One of my friends is throwing me a potluck shower because so many friends want to get together for one but no one can afford it themselves. Plus, potlucks are normal within our friends group. I have been to several birthdays with a dish and gift in hand.
all this. Tell her if this is how it's going to be, you'd rather just cancel the shower. That's completely inappropiate of her to put that on you. A freakin' canopy?? Good grief. The guest of honor does not do that much work for their own shower.
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PgAL and PAL always welcome...Wow - I am SO sorry your friend is putting you through this. I really hope you can get a hold of her SOON. That is so incredibly rude of her! When you offer someone to throw their shower, you don't just ask them to shed a few hundred dollars for it, much less at the last minute like that!
As far as advice goes, I think you've got some great suggestions here. I think I would go with "Sorry I can't handle all that" and take it from there.