nap help needed...separation anxiety? (long)
SanHawaii08
member
we're having some major issues with sleep lately...i'm hoping someone has advice or can tell me this will pass soon, b/c i don't know what to do!
e has never been a great napper, he consistently took 33 min naps for a long time, rarely going to 45 min or 1+ hr. well, he seemed to finally be getting longer naps, and all was great for a few days (1.5 hr nap in the morning, 30-45 min in the afternoon), until all of a sudden he started refusing to fall asleep by himself. he starts to scream the moment you turn towards the door, and even if you soothe him to sleep, he'll startle awake (even though he's woombie'd - yes, still!) and cry if you're not there. if he startles awake and sees you, he'll close his eyes and go back to sleep. i think it's separation anxiety?
it's getting to the point where he's barely napping at all - his first nap today was an hour (surprisingly! we've gone back to 30 min naps all week), and after 3 hours, we tried putting him down for the 2nd nap. another almost 2 hours later, he finally fell asleep and stayed asleep - for 17 min. the lack of sleep is starting to affect his nighttime sleep too, in that he's starting to sleep less and wake earlier - this morning, it was 4:30am. he already has a super early bedtime - asleep by 5:30...unless he fights it too, which he does sometimes these days. the other day he didn't fall asleep until 7, and that's b/c we gave up and rocked him to sleep. since the advice always seems to be "try a super early bedtime", i'm not sure what to do. when we've tried letting him sleep even earlier (eg: 4:30 or 5), he gets up earlier (4:30 or 5). i miss being able to sleep until 5:30 
should i just nurse him to sleep for naps when he won't sleep otherwise? rock him to sleep and hold him the entire nap? he often wakes up when we try to transfer, even he's already been asleep for more than 10 min. i figure at this point, any sleep is probably better than trying to get him to keep sleeping on his own? but we worked so hard to get him to the point where he'd put himself to sleep, it pains me to think we have to start over!
should i read the no cry nap solution? i see so many ppl recommend the no cry sleep solution, but then say it didn't help them, so i'm not really feeling hopeful about that. any other ideas?
oh, and ferber doesn't work for him, he just keep escalating, screaming harder and louder. we tried a few times, and always gave up after 2+ hours. so we're not doing that anymore.
Re: nap help needed...separation anxiety? (long)
Seems about right at his age. So sorry...it's rough! If you can nurse him to sleep and he'll stay asleep, I'd totally do that! I don't think of NTS as a "bad habit" though. It's kind of how nature intended, IMHO. Can you nurse/rock until he's totally out (usually after 15-20 minutes of "falling asleep") and then put him in his crib or nurse him to sleep in your bed and sneak away after he's out? That's what I did until Libby was about 1. She never rolled off the bed through. They do have these sorts of things, if you are worried about that: https://gobedbug.com/ We used something similar.
The NCSS worked, for the most part, for us. I cannot remember where I read it, but one of these books (Baby Whisperer or NCSS, etc.) talks about baby's sleep cycle where they don't go into their deeper sleep until about 15-20 minutes after falling asleep which is why they generally wake up if they fall asleep in your arms and you don't wait a bit until you put them in their bed. After I read that, I waited until Libby was obviously limp (like I could pick up her arm and it was a "noodle") and breathing slowly and rhythmically. Then I knew for sure she was out...again just about 20 minutes after she dozed off at the breast. From there, it was so much easier to sneak off the bed or place her in her crib.
Another idea...has he taken at all to a "lovey"....around 6 months I started nursing Libby with a certain blanket that I'd tuck around the two of us. It had my scent and she started to cling to it as she dozed off. It was her first "lovey." She has since moved on to others, but I feel that approach did help the separation anxiety for her.
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I am no help as we've got a bad sleeper at home too. LO never sleeps really. Maybe she will take one 1 hour nap at daycare (often she only takes maybe a 20 min) and then sleeps for the 15 min ride home. On the weekends unless you are holding her or she is in the carseat or stroller, she will not take a nap. She will stand and scream in the crib for hours. At night our routine is bath, book, nurse, but she always falls asleep while nursing so now she is wide awake until she is nursed...not sure how to ever break that cycle. and she doesn't even consider STTN. Up at least once to nurse & then still wakes at 4:30ish to nurse & up for the day 6:30 - 7:00.
I just wanted to say you are not alone. It must get better eventually...I am hopeful at least!
I hope other ladies have some wise wisdom for us!
This seems like a good idea. We haven't tried introducing a lovey yet, but I can see how this might help!
update - he woke up screaming this morning at 3:25am. i got him right away and tried to nurse him to sleep, but he stayed awake. we laid in bed, in the dark, while i pretended to sleep. he started fussing an hour later, i nursed him again, he *finally* fell asleep - and woke up 18 minutes later. so we got up for the day then. sigh. he's so overtired, he's not sleeping well at any time now
thanks lori, i really appreciate your ideas. he does roll quite a bit now, which makes me nervous having him in our bed when we're not there (and he goes to bed so early, almost half his sleep is when we're still awake!). i like the bumper idea, but our queen bed is barely big enough for the 3 of us, much less bumpers on both sides...if we go back to cosleeping, maybe we could install a bed rail or something like they have for toddler beds
i have mixed feelings about NTS. I do it when we travel, b/c that's the only way to get him to sleep outside of his crib. but, i don't like to make a habit out of it - 1. after 4.5 months of cosleeping, i like that he sleeps in his crib now (we all [used to] sleep better this way). he's *very* hard to transfer, though maybe i'm not waiting long enough. at any rate, with 30 min naps, waiting 20 min makes it seem almost pointless to try to transfer at all, and risk waking him up
2. i'm not the one putting him down for naps during the week, and he doesn't nurse/take a bottle before naps. 3. his latch isn't great when side lying, so after 4 days of NTS for every nap and nights and nighttime wakings during our last trip, i seriously thought my nipples were going to fall off. and since he doesn't transfer well, side lying is our only option for NTS.
i'm going to try introducing a lovey, but i think that means we need to wean him off the swaddle, so he can actually use his arms. i'm leaning towards weaning off the swaddle now, while he's not sleeping much anyway!
ooh, that's rough.
heh, i'll just keep repeating this to myself - It must get better eventually...!
This used to be our routine when LO was younger but we changed it up (i *think* she was around 3 mo old or so ..it seems so long ago lol). We now do bath, milk (since i don't nurse), book, gnyt kiss. LO used to fall asleep when we were doing bath, book, milk routine. We didn't want her to associate milk with sleeping that's why we switched it up and did book last. We just kept doing and doing it until one day she stopped falling asleep while finishing the bottle. Normally, she'd be really sleepy and put her head on my shoulder after drinking the bottle but once she hears me read her book, she'd wake, turn around and start flipping the pages. Sometimes, she'd even start looking for her book (she knows it's sitting on the side table) even before i start reading. Also, we'd do our goodnights after the book which is enough to keep her awake. Now, she kisses the book gnyt. Daddy will join us in her room, kiss her goodnight and hold her up to kiss the teddy bear gnyt (it's sitting on top of her armoire which is TOO high for me to reach lol). After that, DH hands her back to me and I kiss her gnyt and snuggle a lil bit. Once she starts fussing, it means she wants to be put down on her crib and be left alone lol so i'd put her down, put sleep sack on, turn on the sleep sheep and leave her room. I think the key with LOs is just repetition so just keep doing the same routine and be consistent. one day, she'll just surprise you :-).
Have you tried a later bedtime? When you put him to bed at 5:30pm does he sleep all the way through until 4:30 now? That's pretty long. I'd try a later bedtime.
I can't really help with the nap thing since Kaya still doesn't nap well. It's so inconsistent. And she hates going down for naps. At night we can put her down drowsy and she just goes to sleep (but this is only a recent thing; I NTS until 14.5 months). For naps we have to stand there until she is pretty much asleep or she will keep looking up for us and cry if we're not right there.
I'm sorry. If it's any consolation Jack was never a good napper (30 mins. was about his max) until moving to the waddler (12-24 mo) room at daycare.
At home he would nap maybe 30 mins. after a LONG fight. It was so frustrating that we actually ended up going to Seattle/other city often on the weekend because he would stay asleep in the car for 1+ hour and we wouldn't have to fight him.
BUT, here is the positive/it could happen/light at the end of the tunnel story... After being moving to the waddler room he learned that other kids nap (in the baby room room the babies never went down at the same time - nice that they didn't keep them on schedules but not good for a baby like Jack that always likes to know what is going on). And then he started to learn how to go to sleep on his own. This was also the time he had to transition to 1/nap a day (they still allow other 12 mo olds to rejoin the infant room if they can't drop a 2nd nap, but to us it didn't matter b/c he was so bad at naps - definitely a relief to the carers b/c he fought them on naps too).
he seems to understand the term nap and will go find his lovey and bear and lets us put him down in his crib usually for about 1.5-2 hours. HOORAY.
It is probably also his age... he is starting to realize he can move freely and also keep himself up plus separation anxiety.
My only idea, and it might not even be age appropriate, but something to work towards is a nap routine. At daycare they eat lunch, clean up, and see the teachers setting up the nap mats. At home we follow this as much as possible - eat lunch, talk about nap time during lunch, clean up (still talking about nap time), and then help him find his sleep tools, and then take off his shoes (same as daycare). I know 7mo is quite different than 12 mo. but anything helps right?
miss A went through this around that age too. she went from being a good sleeper to screaming as soon as i started to walk out of the room. like you, i didn't want to get her into the habit of NTS since she had been falling asleep so well on her own before that. this was when i decided to try the pick up/put down method and while it was really hard (for me mostly) it worked and she was back to going to bed drowsy but awake in about a week.
yes if you are wanting to put him down after he is asleep then you have to have the patience to wait at least 20 min...otherwise he's still in a light sleep cycle like Lori pointed out
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
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I feel your pain. I'm (still) in the same situation (B will cry nonstop in the crib for hours if I leave the room and no amount of waiting it out or going in and comforting him will soothe him, but if I stay in the room, he just plays and we'll be in there for 4 hours with no nap) but I've came to accept that *a* nap is better than no nap, so I just embrace whatever situation he needs to nap well in and overall, it's easier on everyone but that's just what works for us...
When I'm with him, he either naps in the car (when we're driving, then I'll stay in the car with him until he wakes up) or in the Ergo (then I can do work/whatever else I need to do on the computer easily). We pretty much only use the crib for nightime sleeping and he embraces it really well for that. But when one of the grandmas watches him, he will actually nap in the crib, with a bit of CIO. When the other grandma watches him, she'll nap with him in our bed. And since it's been working, I've stopped fighting it and just let it be. I've tried to change it a few times to no avail so my thinking is, eventually, they'll stop napping as they grow older anyway, so I don't want to spend half our day every day with this crying/refusing to nap ordeal when we can be accomplishing so much more and spending quality time together.
You have lots of good ideas here from the other ladies. I would try these things but I think it's too late for me because B's already set in his ways but I think you probably still have time
Hope you guys find something that works for E! GL!