Any step-moms..pregnant with first out there?

BabyLuvBug4

I am looking for advice on how/when to tell my step children that we are expecting. We for sure wanted to be out of the first trimester which is right around the corner. We know their mom won't be supportive so we are struggling on how and when....

mrs.larry

not a step mom myself but I remember when my dad told us that his new wife was expecting. I was 7 and my sisters (14 and 16) and I were with my dad on vacation. we were going to meet up with my step-mom at the hotel but we'd flown separately and she wasn't with us at the moment. He told us in the rental car on the way to the hotel. I didn't really care either way because I was young but my sisters sort of freaked out (long story lots of history - I was largely oblivious at the time). and it kind of ruined the vacation, I think. So if you expect any sort of friction at all, I probably wouldn't tell them when you're all confined together for a week! haha.

Seriously though, depending on their age, they might not react too much. I think I was sad I wasn't going to be the "baby" any more  but that lasted about 4 minutes and then it was like, oh. okay.

the mom, on the other hand... if "not supportive" means she's going to wig out, you might just leave that to your H to handle without you. Totally depends on yoru situation but I think my mom would not have appreciated it if my step-mom had been there telling her.

probably not super helpful, sorry. How ever you decide, GOOD LUCK!

oh and one more thing. my little sister is now 23 and seriously awesome. I couldn't imagine life with out her. So things work out... you know?

 

BabyLuvBug4

Thanks....yeah they are 7 & 9. We had asked them over a year ago what they thought about maybe someday having a new brother/sister. The youngest was like "Yeah that's cool" the oldest (both are boys) was not happy. So he is the one I am really worried about.

carebear939

We told my SD (4 years old) around 8 weeks.  I would have prefered to wait longer, but my DH left on a deployment for 6 months and I felt like he should be the one to tell her.  We bought her a t-shirt that said "I am going to be a big sister".  It was a big hit.  She was excited and blurted it out as soon as she went back to her mother's (before DH could say anything).  Her mother was shocked but took it better than expected.  My DH did talk with her before he left and mentioned how excited my SD was and that we really wanted her to remine excited about her new sibling.  He politely asked her to refrain from talking with her or around her in a negative way about the baby.  So far it seems to have worked.  She mentioned to me it was hard for her to deal with at first, but she is ok with in now and thinks it is a good thing for SD to have a sibling.

BabyLuvBug4

I am thinking we need also need to do something fun and exciting for them. I love the t-shirt idea but I think they would think its cheesey, they are 7 & 9 yr old boys.I really am worried their mom will be negative about the baby and make the kids feel like they are being replaced...that's my biggest fear!

Annya26

For something to get the boys (I agree they may be past the age of Tshirts) maybe there is something you could get that they can then teach or do with the baby when it is older? Maybe some "cool" book about something they love that you can give them and say "I want you to brush up on this so when Baby gets here you can teach him/her all about it!"

Not sure, I don't have kids that age, but maybe that will help them to feel involved and important?

Waiting4Fred

I have an 8yo sd, and we told her after my NT scan, at 13 weeks.  She was excited, so it wasn't a big deal.