November 2011 Moms
Bananappeal145
member
TTC #2 since 1/1/13
Options
Yet these people are allowed to have children (vent)
Bananappeal145
member
Nothing makes me more angry than seeing people with children who don't deserve them. Some people who really want children and would be wonderful parents can't have them or have to wait years and years and undergo drastic medical intervention to have even one and then I see stuff like this. I was at our local used book store yesterday and I heard what was clearly a very small baby crying for about 10 minutes. I didn't think anything of it at first b/c I didn't see him and I know sometimes babies just cry and there's not a whole lot you can do about it. But then I see this girl, maybe 21, come around the corner with two small children in tow who are screaming and throwing books at each other and also with a stroller containing the baby. I'm guess maybe 2 months old. While completely ignoring her other children who are running a mock, she then proceeds to literally scream at her 2 month old baby "Shut the Hell up! Why won't you just shut up? What the 'F' do you want?" Now I totally understand the frustration aspect of a crying infant but there is no excuse under the sun to scream at your 2 month old for crying. I almost lost it. I had to leave the store b/c I was so furious, and I had to just bite my tongue. I come from a social work background so, sadly, this is far from the worse thing I have seen but it never fails to piss me off when I see people with children who clearly don't want them or deserve to have them. And why is that these people are the super ovulators of our society? You have to have a license to drive a car but anyone with working parts can have children. It makes me sick. That is my rant for the day...let me just get down off my soap box now...
TTC #2 since 1/1/13
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Yet these people are allowed to have children (vent)
Shes lucky I wasn't there. I would have called the police and reported her so that social services would have to do an interview with her. How tragic for her kids that they grow up in that environment.
If you need tos tep away from a crying baby for a few minutes to have a frustration cry, do it. But don't ever tell your baby to shut the f up. Seriously!
Or this situation:
My ex boyfriends ex wife got pregnant with twins and proceeded to continue doing coke throughout her entire pregnancy.
They were in the hospital at least once a week for pre term labor and other things and the nurses got so sick of her attitude every time she came in. The last day she went in there she was such a b!tch to all of the nurses that one of them said "Fine, you want to have these babies now" stuck her hand up inside of her and broke her water "There ya go, you're about to go into labor" she was a month early to deliver twins and they were in the NICU forever.
One of them had to wear one of those head shaping things, and he will probably suffer from learning disabilities.
She did NOT deserve to have those children. She pawns them off on her mother and his mother (they are no longer together), refuses to let him see them or take care of them and then tries to get him to sign his rights over so her new husband, whom she knew for a month before marrying, can adopt them.
Oh and on top of all of this, she has an 18 year old. She's 35.
You seriously would have called CPS? Wow, you're a peach.
And please, like she wouldn't have been vilified for "stepping away from her crying baby" in a public place like a book store.
I look young. I occasionally get frustrated easily (like when I am tired- which I assume most parents of young infants are). I don't plan to yell at my baby like that- but I hope to God that if I lose my cool in public with a young baby people understand (or step in to help! Offer to read her other two children a story while she tends to that baby instead of judging!) ..... instead of judging me and accusing me of not deserving my child.
I definitely agree that stepping in is a right move. But you seriously don't think someone like that should be investigated? Someone who is actually SCREAMING and cursing at tiny baby? Like I said in my post, if someone is willing to act that way in public, who knows how they're treating their children in the privacy of their home. Better safe than sorry. And really, how that mother feels about being judged or investigated, is too bad. The children are what is important in that situation. Not her ego.
Yup. I seriously think that someone -who lost her temper in ONE moment- shouldn't be investigated. Because thats all the OP saw- was ONE moment. Whether it was in public or not. I don't think people should be judged on ONE moment.
I've yelled my H in public before. We were out at a bar - after he had just quit a job with an backstabbing, @sshole boss- and he had had too much to drink and was being stupid. I got frustrated, yelled at him to get his sh!t together cause we were leaving.
People like you- who judge based off of one moment- probably thought I was an emotionally abusive or b!tchy wife. I'm not, and we have an awesome relationship. Hes looks back on that and laughs because I am never like that.
That sh!t happens. Its unfortunate and sad and makes me angry that it involved a baby- but that one instance doesn't mean she should be investigated by CPS.
And really...how would you even have her investigated? You don't know her name, her address, her kids names, etc. Would you forcibly detain her? Her children? Seriously, whats the plan here?
I have to agree that the situation should at least be investigated. Losing your temper with an adult who has been drinking is a completely different situation than screaming at a 2-month-old for doing something completely natural. I agree with PP - if she is willing to do that in public, imagine what she is willing to do in private. Many abusive parents are complete angels in public - I can only imagine the amount of anger that has to be present to do that in public. As for logistics, if she's leaving, get her license plate number (discretely) and call it in. If this truly was a one-time thing and the kids are in a good environment otherwise, she will have no problem with a home visit.
"Because thats all the OP saw- was ONE moment. Whether it was in public or not. I don't think people should be judged on ONE moment."
I don't think this is a good arguement. This is why children are left in abusive situations because everyone thinks its not their place to get involved when they see something inappropriate.
I watched a similiar incident happen between a man and a small child. I stayed around to watch the siutation and after about 30 minutes it escalated into the man slapping the child repeatedly in the face and head while the child was strapped into a car seat. And yes I called the police that time.
Call me judgmental but better safe than sorry when it comes to children who aren't able to help themselves get out of an abusive situation.
I just don't have words. I'm going to follow up with this and then quit.
I would have called the police too in the above situation. I CANNOT understand how you equate losing your temper and yelling at a baby and hitting a child multiple times in the face. Its not the same thing. Not even close.
I'm not saying its okay to yell at your child/ren. Its not. But this woman was obviously exhausted, under you-don't-know-how-much stress, and apparently at her wits end. She didn't resort to shaking her baby. She didn't resort to leaving her children alone. She yelled at her child- wrong, yes....but for all you know its a ONE time thing.
I think those of you who would stalk her out to her car and write down her license plate number and call the cops are crazy. Especially considering that instead, you could have offered to help her- read her kids a book (after all, IIRC they were at a bookstore) while the mom soothed the baby. Or helped her wrangle her children to the car. I fully expect the cops to laugh at you when you call.
I've had moments where I've found myself yelling at my 3yo, arguing back with him. Fortunately, they've been few & far between, not too bad in the grand scheme of things, and I've been able to stop myself and realize how ridiculous I was being. It does make me think, though, about all the parents who are not as well off as us, those who are under a lot more stress and maybe didn't plan to get pg and have a kid in the first place. When you are under a lot of stress and at your wit's end with a child testing the limits, it's hard to maintain your cool 100% of the time. I'm not saying it's ok but that it happens even to those of us who consider ourselves to be pretty darn good parents.
OMG I wish I had done this when my sis and I ran into a woman and her friend who were telling their toddler to STFU very loudly in Party City one day. I couldn't help but stare and the woman turned on me threatening me etc. I really should have called the police.
I'm assuming you don't have kids yet? Sorry, but ignorance is bliss. You don't know how powerful the stress of raising kids can be....trying to wrangle little ones and deal with a crying baby in public....And what if your child ends up trying drugs?
1) Yelling at your husband, an adult, is COMPLETELY different from yelling and cursing at an infant.
2) I want you to consider, before you decide carte blanche that what happens in "one moment" should be blown off. Babies get shaken to death in those single moments of lost temper. No, I'm not equating yelling with shaking, I'm just trying to point out to you that giving a person a pass just because it was "one moment" is a dangerous policy.
3) I don't agree with judging a person's ability to parent based on tiny snap shots of time either. However, this is not a mother making a parenting choice I disagree with, this is a mother so overwhelmed and out of control that she is screaming and cursing at an infant in public for acting like an infant. This has nothing to do with her ability to parent or if deserves children or not. This is a parent who may have the best of intentions for raising her children but is in absolute crisis. She needs help. Not someone to read to her other kids for a minute, she needs help developing coping skills and stress management. That's why a call to CPS, if she can be identified, would be useful. CPS doesn't just investigate and pull children out of homes, a CPS investigation would open up a whole world of resources for her, as a paretn, that she probably has no idea exist and has no way to access at this time.
4) A bystander offering to read to her kids in that moment doesn't help her develop the skills she needs. What happens next time when there isn't a bystander? Good luck as that stranger in the store offering to care for her other kids for her. I'm sure that won't lead her to turn her hostility on you at all. Aside from that, who in their right mind turns their children over to the care of a stranger in a store? That was seriously the most ridiculous suggestion I've heard in a long time.
5) CPS NEVER laughs when a report is made. I'm sorry you think that. CPS workers are painfully aware of what can happen in that "one moment" of a lost temper. I pray that if you ever find yourself screaming and cursing at your infant that you get access to the help you need and don't write it off or think it's acceptable because it's just "one moment." Moments matter, especially to little children.
I agree. My parents had CPS called on our family many times growing up. The reason? We were home schooled, and people called when they saw us out of school during the day. That is much more mild than screaming at an infant, but we had our home toured and had to bring out our school books every time. As far as I know, CPS follows up on every call, because they don't want to miss that one call that ends in the harm of a child, and have to answer for it.
Not at all. I'm wondering if that nurse still has her job.
Pretty sure what that nurse did is verrrrrry unethical. When you choose a job working with people (especially in a healthcare field) you're GOING to get some crazies. If a person is not prepared for the crazies, they shouldn't take the job.
The nurse shouldn't have been thinking about how pissed off she was at the stupid coke chick, she should have been thinking about the health of the babies.
I sure hope that nurse doesn't still have her job. As frustrated as she must have been, nothing excuses that kind of poor judgement and lack of ethical behavior in the workplace, especially where lives are on the line.
Baby Turtle - November 2014
I am too. But I do think what is worse, delivering twins at 36w or exposing the babies to crack for 4 more weeks? Im guessing the reason they were in the NICU for so long has more to do with the crack than the preterm labor. All around sad.
Sad to me for the babies. Babies don't get to pick their parents - what child a drug addict to be their mom?! What kind of love and stability will a drug addict provide to their child?
My unpopular opinion for today - if the mom was doing cocaine while pregnant, she should have immediately lost her parental rights upon giving birth.
Thank you. Such great points + very well said.
In the county I worked for in Pa., absolutely we would have taken custody. I have personally done so for a mother who used crack while pg. She went on to get pg several months later, and lost that baby b/c the placenta died from all of the cocaine.
And I hate to say this, but the screening workers where I worked DID laugh at some of the ridiculous calls we would get.