Question about feeding kids
JOEBunny
member
So there is a post on the parents board where someone if forcing their child to eat green beans because they "made a deal" that he would eat them. I serve my kids what I want them to eat and let them decide if they want to eat it or not. I don't have a lot of junk around, so that isn't much of an option. Both my kids are pretty thin, DD is 10% for weight, which is up from not on the charts last year, and DS maintains his weight with special supplements, but is low on the chart too, especially given his height to weight. There is no making them eat, my mother has tried :-)
Having them sit for more than 10-20 minutes at the table not eating is more than I can take, and they are done until the next snack/meal We have gone to nutritionist and doctors with my kids eating, but I am curious what others do. The doctors and nutritionist have told us you feed them what you want them to eat and they decide what to eat and how much. That is pretty much what we follow.
Do you make your kids eat things or negotiate with them about food?
Re: Question about feeding kids
This is what we do. It's what the book "Child of MIne" is all about.
We make DD take one bite of everything on her plate, but if she doesn't like it after that she doesn't have to finish it. She is an exceptionally good eater and I think part of that is that she gets some control. We only make her try one bite because a lot of times she will say she doesn't like something, but after the first bite "remembers" that she does like it and will eat what's on her plate and ask for seconds. We also don't keep a lot of junk food in the house.
The little girl I used to watch had severe food issues and would literally not eat ANYTHING unless you forced her to. With her I had to force each and every bite and drink on her or she wouldn't eat anything and she was extremely undernourished still. If she had been my child she would have been in therapy for her eating and we would have seen a nutritionist, but her parents weren't at all concerned that she went days without eating or drinking.
I don't force her to eat anything, but I do like to encourage her to eat her food. For example, for lunch today she had pb&j and blueberries, and I had pb&j with chips. She'll eat a few bites of her sandwich and then she'll say "chips please" and I say "eat some more of your sandwich and then you'll get a chip" and if she eats a few bites, then she'll get a chip. But if she doesn't eat enough of her sandwich, then she doesn't get any chips.
But DD is a really good eater most of the time, so we don't stress it much.
A handful of times (like, maybe 5 total) we've "made" DD taste something. It never goes well.
We will require DD to finish a certain amount of her dinner in order to get a dessert. This isn't an every day thing but sometimes if she's really not eating a meal well and I was planning to have a dessert anyway, I'll tell her that she can have dessert if she eats X amount of her dinner. (Note: this is with her preferred foods. We don't force her to eat her non-preferred foods.)
I know one school of thought says to not make any foods "better" than other foods and kids will naturally eat a variety of everything. That may work for other kids but I know it won't work for mine. DD has pretty severe food aversions/restrictions (self-imposed) and she would happily eat nothing but the cookies if served a plate with a sandwich, fruits, vegetables, and cookies.
We feed them what we want them to eat. Our son is required to try at least a bite of everything, but doesn't necessarily have to finish anything. We are not plate-cleaners.
However, if he doesn't finish his meal and then wants a snack 20 minutes later, that's not going to happen.
I am overweight and really don't want to cause weight issues or food issues for my kids. I make very healthy foods for Jackson and offer him what we are having. He's a picky eater and often doesn't eat much but I don't try to force it on him. I mean - How would you, anyway??
I do let him have treats when we are out or at the grandparents but not at home. All things in moderation, I think.
I think feeding kids the "right" way is so complex and may be the thing I worry about the most in the parenting department. I think screwing up here can cause some big lifelong issues. I just hope that I am doing what is right. And I strongly believe that there shouldn't be any type of power struggle when it comes to eating.
Looking back, I think my parents did a good job - well rounded meals, we weren't forced to clear our places, etc - however, I have about 15 extra lbs on me that is simply a result of eating too much bad stuff. Plain and simple. I have dealt with this "problem" for about 12 years now - since I stopped dancing and would burn any and everything I ate - and I hope DD doesn't have to deal with it. My husband has a very healthy food relationship - so I hope DD learns from him, or that I make the right choices for my family from here forward to not recreate this. Although less than 20 lbs, this struggle and hang up has been the one and only obstacle in my life that I can't seem to overcome. I don't want DD's brain to be even half as consumed with this issue as has been the case with me. There are so many other more worthwhile things to think about!
ugh, mama - that sucks. I'm sorry. What was that all about? (im not really asking you to answer that if you don't want)
When it is just the boys and I, I make something DS1 wants.
Either way, the kids both get oatmeal w/fruit before bath so if DS1 chooses not to eat dinner, he will make up for it then.
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You're a kid... 5, 6, 7, you put more on your plate than you should and then halfway through, you're full so you say you're done but he made me eat it all and my Mom didn't do anything.
One time we were at a buffet and it was awful.
I'm an adult now and I control what goes into my mouth but I think if you're overweight as a kid, you're going to battle with it for the rest of your life, in a big way.
We eat healthy now but I always overeat and struggle, big-time with my weight. I really want to lose it before the kids notice that mommy's overweight which is my major motivation.
I put everything out at once (healthy choices and not so) and they decide what they are going to eat. I don't make a fuss and sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised at what they choose to eat on their own. My Pedi said you can offer a kid something 7 or 8 times before they will even try it, so the key is to be consistent about it. If they eat all the less healthy stuff and ask for more, then I will ask them to take 3 bites of the healthy option. If they refuse, that's it.
I'm so sorry, he sounds awful. Is your Mom still married to him? Do you have a relationship with him now? (You don't have to answer these, I'm just so nosey, I'm sorry)
Best of luck with your weight loss! You can do it!
Totally didn't mean to turn this into a therapy session.. sorry. lol She's still married to him. I dealt with him for many years after I left the house at 18 but when I was pregnant with Jackson, I cut him off and told my Mom that I wasn't going to see him again but that she was more than welcome to come see us anytime. She comes down every few months to visit and she and I talk frequently but I have nothing to do with him. He's one of those 'toxic' people and I see no value - in fact I see a lot of negative - coming from continuing a relationship with him, in any form.
This is pretty much us too! And if Parker doesn't finish a meal/snack she cannot eat anything else until the next eating time.
If we know they like the food and that they are hungry, we will "require" them to eat so many bites of each food if the issue is that they are just ansty and want to leave the table to play. Otherwise they claim "not hungry" and an hour later they're starving.
If it's a new food, we ask them to take one bite. DD#2 seems to love everything, DS is the picky one. I'll talk to him about foods I don't care for and that it's okay to not like some stuff, but at least try it. I will also try new foods around him as well so he sees that I do it too. If he doesn't like it after one bite, we don't force it.
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05