asking about someones disability? WWYD?

jennlin

i had my first baby appt yesterday and the nurse had asked me lots of questions based on genetic diseases, etc.. i know my family history in a snap. no problems..but when it comes to my h's side---he's a boy, and has never cared.

i know some of his dads sibs have diabetes, and other common issues, cancer, etc. major stuff. but one of his dads sister has a disabled daughter. she's older, in her 30's or 40's, and requires full assistance. she can walk, but has trouble communicating and sometimes needs to be fed. she enjoys cartoons characters, and likes to hold small, girly purses..

MIL has mentioned it before, but her only explanation is she "had a fever" when she was a baby, and it caused it. MIL is known to exaggerate, make up stories, etc. so i don't know if this accurate information.

would it be completely rude to ask the disabled cousins siblings what caused her illness? h has about 25+ cousins on this side of the family (and many of them have kids), and she is the only one that requires special attention. should i just let it slide with "fever" and as nothing genetic?

ETA: this cousin was born before MIL met FIL, so her story is only hearsay as well. 

tfarabians

With 25+ cousins and this is the only one with an issue I would let it go.  If she wasn't born that way I would think that there may have been some sort of issue when she was a baby.  I would just go about all the blood work and testing that they can do with you and if there aren't any red flags I would think it would be ok.

ChubbyCheekiesMom

I remember when we did the family history at my first appt and it was for immediate family only. I never mentioned any of my cousins, even my great grandparents weren't an issue.  My grandma and her mother BOTH had breast cancer but the nurse didn't seem concerned.  I agree with Tiff I would let it go, more than likely it wouldn't be an  issue for your baby anyway. 

blueLu25

Yeah, they only care about immediate family. My uncle and cousin have diabetes, and they didnt even think that was close enough to count. 

IdahoGirl

ditto the PPers.  I'd not ask and I'd not worry about it - it's far enough removed and with that many cousins, has proven to not be genetic.

zazzu

If there is someone on that side of the family that you are comfortable with, you could simply ask if there are any genetic disorders on h's side of the family that your Dr wants for your charts. If the answer is no, then let it be. You might mention the individual to your dr, but it's more than likely that the disability is not genetic if no one in the family is aware that they are a carrier for a specific disorder.

Seattle_JiLLn

Yeah, they generally don't care that far out.  My DH had a cousin who died before she was 1 from some genetic thing, so DH got tested to see if he was a carrier for it.  It was the kind of thing where both parents had to be carriers of this really rare thing, so it was a long shot anyway.   

If it's going to bug you though, I would think you could ask one of the cousins you are comfortable with, or your FIL might know more than your MIL?   

Mrs.Kiltlifter

I doubt the cousin's condition is relevant.  My OB and MFM did not even inquire into my DH's medical except what was listed on the intake form.  They are really concerned with any genetic issues that are glaring like Trisomy, etc, and any medical issues for you that could pose a health risk to the pregnancy. 

kaskade

tfarabians:

With 25+ cousins and this is the only one with an issue I would let it go.  If she wasn't born that way I would think that there may have been some sort of issue when she was a baby.  I would just go about all the blood work and testing that they can do with you and if there aren't any red flags I would think it would be ok.

This; plus like pp said, mostly they are concerned with immediate family. 

 

jennlin

thank you everyone for your input!