I am very sad today. We were matched two months ago but had to wait to go over the Child Study Inventory because the psychologist was meeting with him and preparing her report. His worker didn't know she had one more round of meetings. The written evaluation still isn't done, but they decided to go forward with our meeting anyway.
Yesterday we had our meeting, and he was diagnosed with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). The workers don't agree with the diagnosis, they hinted as much, but I don't know if I want to go forward. This is the diagnosis that from day one I dreaded and would never consider. I put "will not consider" on our checklist and even went as far as to email a social worker last Sept. to ask her if many kids in her care had this disorder.
He'll be 15 at the time of the placement, and I don't know if there would be even be enough time for bonding and attaching. It seems like he does have some of the qualities on the checklists; I see examples of superficial connections and lack of empathy. For example, he doesn't care when he has consequences because he doesn't care if he gets in trouble, and there's a situation where he had two girlfriends and didn't even realize or care about hurting their feelings when they discovered what was going on. I could go on and on at length about five or six issues that are giving me serious pause. My husband has listened to my worries and is ok whether I decide to go forward or not.
I have read up on RAD, including innumerable stories of how horrible it is. Right now, after an uneasy night of sleep I am leaning toward not going forward. I feel terrible because it almost seems like this child has fewer issues than most, though he has plenty that I never thought I would ever consider accepting, and it almost seems like by saying "no" to him, we are basically giving up on any chance of having a child.
He's been through the legal system and classified as a delinquent for stealing and running away. There's also so-called "crazy lying" about matters big and small. One of our major dealbreakers was cruelty to animals, and there were times when he lived with his birth mom five years ago that he was mean a few times to animals.
I just don't know. Anyone ever been in a similar situation?