SIL just miscarried.. what can I do?(warning DS picture/ticker)

BrileyLou

My mom just called telling me my SIL just had a miscarriage. They are at the hospital now. I want her to know I'm there for her, but I know she may just want to be alone right now. What can I do for her? Card? Food? I don't want to do something that is inappropriate or something that she doesn't want. Thanks ladies if you have any ideas.

Heathercsims

my sister in law, who has been through the same thing, knew that i wouldn't want to talk... she texted me and said that, and she said she was thinking of and praying for me. it was perfect because i knew she was thinking of me but she was right, i was so bombarded with people, i really didn't want to talk because i was upset. a card would be very nice too, and if you wanted to send flowers or edible arrangements, those would be appreciated im sure. just whatever you feel led to do to let her know shes being thought of... she will appreciate anything im very certain!

DancingWarriorUSMC

Things that I appreciated from people.1) People recognizing me as a mother. My baby was just born as an angel.2) Giving me time. I didn't want to talk about the loss with anyone but my fiance. I appreciated the fact that the people who "got it" didn't give me the "I'm so sorry" looks, or even the mere mention of pregnancy, babies, etc. If I want to talk to you about it, I'll bring it up.3) Memorial gifts. Look into necklaces, candles, poems, sculptures, etc. at MyForeverChild.com or the MidnightOrange.com.4) Send food. When I had my miscarriage I didn't want to do anything but lie in bed. Make a weeks worth of food and sent it over so that her and her SO can focus on healing rather then feeding themselves. Offer to run errands, pick up necessities, etc.

BrileyLou

Thank you so much!

ally2011

Agree on recognizing her as a mother because she is one and that is VERY important!

Someone gave me a copy of "Grieving the Child I Never Knew" and a journal - I like that a lot and highly recommend.  Also I got The One Year Book of Hope that was sweet. Other books I have received - Heaven is for Real (3 copies, no joke), The Grace of Catastrophe, Discovering God's Promises and a booklet on grief at our one month anniversary from a pastor from my home church (he will send another one at 3 months and at 6 months). 

We received a few rose bushes, a hydrangea and a cherry tree - all planted in our yard now.  Might be nice a little later, unless you are willing to plant it for her now and water it, etc.  Otherwise that is too much work for now, but might be appreciated later.

Food is wonderful!  Though I now have 10 "love pounds" from all the comfort food...but really it was so kind of people and made us feel very loved.

Flowers are also wonderful!  We got a lot and I really loved having them around.  One friend sent some the week after the funeral when most of the others had started to die, that was maybe the best surprise of all.  So, maybe food now and then flowers at the one month anniversary...remembering the one year anniversary would mean a lot to her I am sure.

We received a prayer quilt as well from a church and loved that - it had various scriptures on it and it meant a lot to us.

I enjoyed having visitors and company in the days and weeks following our loss...but everyone is different.  I cried a lot, but it gave me something to look forward to each day and really made me feel loved and cared for.  This is a personal thing though, not all women feel that way.  Depression runs in my family and I was very fearful of ending up in a place I could not get out of on my own...that is probably the biggest reason I accepted company (though they would have shown up anyway probably!)

You are a good friend to be so thoughtful!

angelakh

Food is always good.  The last thing you want to do is try to figure out dinner or go to a store.  Also, keep checking in on her - texting or email - so that she knows you are there and care even if she doesn't want to talk.  

BrileyLou

Thank you all so much. You gave me some great ideas. Thank you again.