My friend adopted twin boys

arobert123

So I got a text from a friend last night at 10:30 with a picture of two beautiful newborn boys and a message that says "we adopted twin boys from CA.  Driving home with them now".

I can't tell you how shocked I am.  I had no idea they were even thinking adoption!  I'm also annoyed that she hasn't responded to any of my texts since last night - I need details please!  I am also over-the-moon happy for them.

So I got a card in the mail, and I ordered a case of diapers to be delivered to their house.  Any other thoughts on something I can do to help?  I'm thinking specifically about when they get home.  We live in Philadelphia - and they are driving cross country with twinfants!  I couldn't even imagine.  I'm thinking that offering some babysitting time so they can sleep would be the present I could give.  any other creative ideas out there?

SpinningJess

I don't have my twins yet, but after having just one I know the following would also be of great help to them:  offer to bring them dinner, offer to do laundry/dishes/cleaning stuff that needs to be done.  I wanted time with my new baby, not someone to relieve me from baby duty so I could clean.  Sleep is nice, though, so are showers!  haha

leslie13510

Don't be annoyed that she hasn't responded to you.  She's probably getting a million texts right now if they've kept this under wraps from everybody, and twin infants are demanding, time consuming, and they're probably a little overwhelmed driving so far with them and getting used to being new parents of multiples at the same time.  Cut her some slack there. 

Food is good.  Finding time to cook with two newborns is nearly impossible most days.  If they're ok with it, offer to stop by and help with the babies for an afternoon so they can get a shower and maybe a nap in.  Don't push babysitting with them leaving the house, unless they seem receptive to the idea.  Basically, let them know that you're available to help with whatever they need, but don't push yourself on them.  They have a LOT to get used to, and for a lot of people it's easier to find the new normal without having everybody and their dog stopping by all day every day. 

And congrats to your friend! 

UsedToBeGoldie

that is awesome- how amazing - adoption stories truly warm my heart... and twins!? Extra warm

Food for sure... or gift certs to local places that deliver.

offering time is great- but keep in mind some people don't like the idea of leaving their babies alone with other people - so they might not take you up on it... i know I never wanted anyone to come over so i could sleep or anything- i would have worried too much and not been able to sleep  

 

leviandlandensmom

That is so neat! Food is always awesome, especially stuff that is/can be frozen so they don't have to worry about cooking. I appreciated people bringing food more than anything. We didn't have to cook for a month which was so awesome!

jenn_darrin1515

cooked meals are great - I also loved that my mother ran out to go grocery shopping for me (you know, you need snacks/fruits/veggies too!) and my MIL also offered to run out and get the random baby necessities we didn't realize we needed beforehand...those are 2 things that I found super helpful...and of course offering to clean/start a load of laundry, mow the lawn. etc. are all great things too...so exciting for your friend!!!

klr210

arobert123:

So I got a card in the mail, and I ordered a case of diapers to be delivered to their house.  Any other thoughts on something I can do to help?  I'm thinking specifically about when they get home. 

I think what you did was very nice! After long travels maybe a gift card to places that deliver food or dropping by and mowing their lawn or something to take the pressure off of them from "real life" may also be very much appreciated. Maybe some champagne too if they like that, this is something to celebrate! They'll have a lot to get adjusted to so I would think that an open offer of assistance to help with how ever they define it would be nice. Whether that be companionship, babysitting, food, etc.. just offer and if they decline now, tell them you'll call to check in on them soon.

arobert123

Thanks for all the suggestions!

I am just thinking about how different their transition will be than ours.  While we were dealing with the NICU time, breastfeeding, c/s recovery. They have an entirely different set of circumstances and worries  - bonding, driving, and just telling people since this has been kept tightly under wraps.

I'll keep my distance, but still provide as much MoM support as I can while they get adjusted.  I'll definitely get some food or gift cards to their place when they get back (I wonder how long a cross country trip with newborns takes?).  I love the idea of champagne!  This IS such an amazing event - it should be celebrated!

Temp6313048411121614

Food, food gift cards, BRU gift cards, maid service once or twice.  Personally I'd skip the babysitting, I'm sure they want to spend time with their new babies, and if anyone "gets" to babysit I would think that would be reserved for grandparents at the beginning.  FWIW, we've never left our kids with anyone other than grandparents other than DS1 starting preschool or all 3 being in the child care center at the YMCA while working out.  I think what would be the nicest gift would be anything to keep them out of their real life duties so they can focus on their new bundles.

nikinikinine

leslie13510:

Don't be annoyed that she hasn't responded to you.  She's probably getting a million texts right now if they've kept this under wraps from everybody, and twin infants are demanding, time consuming, and they're probably a little overwhelmed driving so far with them and getting used to being new parents of multiples at the same time.  Cut her some slack there. 

this 100%!

Things that would have been/were a huge help in that newborn stage

* having my house cleaned. Perhaps hiring a cleaning service or giving her a gift card to a cleaning service and letting her schedule them herself on her own time would be great.

* food. Especially after the first few weeks when everyone else stops bringing stuff by. We had freezer meals for the first month, and then the coolness of our babies died down. At 6 weeks, my BFF brought by dinner and came to see the babies and I was SO thankful not to have to think about a meal for once.

 

floridakat

FWIW, if I had a close friend with her own set of multiples willing to babysit, I'd be all over that like white on rice, LOL.

Congrats to your friend! What an amazing story! 

ougrad1

Going over to the house and just sitting with her for a 1/2 day later on after everyone else has "forgotten" she has twins would be awesome.  Also, giving her time to rest during the day, helping feed one of the twins, taking food.....anything like that I'm sure she would appreciate!   How very special.  This made me smile.

jenkm

Cook some dinners they can have and give her a gift card for BRU.  They probably don't have anywhere near all the gear they need as adoptions can happen out of nowhere - no shower or anything - so help them get started.  Congrats to her!

atc282

jenkm:

Cook some dinners they can have and give her a gift card for BRU.  They probably don't have anywhere near all the gear they need as adoptions can happen out of nowhere - no shower or anything - so help them get started.  Congrats to her!

I was thinking this, too. If you have gender neutral clothing, any duplicate baby gear items (even if you have her borrow them until they grow out of it) like swings, bassinets, bouncers, tummy time mats, double snap n' go, etc. to help I think she'd be very grateful!! 

Congrats to her! How very exciting and amazing! 

Bailey2348

That's amazing!  About a month ago my friend and her DH got a call on Monday night that they were getting twin girls.  She is in KS and I'm in NY so I crawled around my girls nursery with a flashlight, so I didn't wake them, and pull out all their 0-3 clothes.  I sent a box overnight full of clothes, socks, etc. and our two travel swings. 

 She said it was a huge help because they didn't have anything.  And she didn't reply to my texts either so don't feel bad!!

jwatkins317

SpinningJess:

I don't have my twins yet, but after having just one I know the following would also be of great help to them:  offer to bring them dinner, offer to do laundry/dishes/cleaning stuff that needs to be done.  I wanted time with my new baby, not someone to relieve me from baby duty so I could clean.  Sleep is nice, though, so are showers!  haha

I agree with this one. there were times with our daughter where I would be too tired to cook. so dinner would probably be very helpful to them, as would even the smallest amount of house keeping assistance.