New to this and frustrated

redelicious

I am 36 and my husband is 37.  We got pregnant last year and miscarried in December at 6 weeks.  We tried to conceive again on our own for the last 6 months, but no pregnancy.

I had my first cycle of Clomid this month, yielding 1 follicle in each ovary.  Ovidrel shot was on 6/14.  I took a pregnancy test yesterday and today - both B-F-N.

I am so frustrated (which I know is ridiculous since it's only my first cycle).  The waiting in between cycles is TORTURE.  My husband gets pissed at me every time I say "what if I am not pregnant" or "what if it doesn't work" - he says my negativity is affecting my body (I swear I am not a negative person, just realistic).  I'm trying to share my feelings and fears with him and he just doesn't get it.  When I told him about the negative tests, he said "don't worry".  I wanted to STRANGLE HIM.  is it too much to ask for a little empathy/ sympathy???

How do you ladies handle the stress of all this?  I think about being/ getting pregnant every single day.

solarflare

Hi there! Sorry to hear about your frustrations. Yes, this is a torturous process at times. I think everyone has different methods for coping. Mine have been different at different points: walking, exercise, baths, a couple glasses of wine, treats like chocolate almonds...

My biggest stress reliever is acupuncture. Wow! I feel like my normal self and even a bit giddy after visiting the acupuncturist. I am trying to learn patience in this process, but it is not easy. It really is not easy. I had to work to figure out methods of making myself fell better. It is hard not to think about it every day. I know I sure do. 

Good luck, and let us know if you figure anything out that might work for you! 

 

tst1998

My DH is the same way. We've been trying to almost 2 years now, and are planning on IVF in August. He thinks I worry too much. He's still convinced that we might get pregnant on our own and is having a hard time accepting that it might not work. I've found that having a group of like minded women to talk to *really* helps (here and the TTTC board for me, as well as a few close friends). 

As for the stress... I started running. I needed something I could control and a goal I could achieve, so about a year into TTC I decided to train for a half-marathon. I could barely run a mile when I started and now I've done two half-marathons, and I love it. I'm slow, and I have actually gained weight with the additional exercise (apparently I'm able to out eat my running!) but I love that time each week when I'm outside, alone, and not having to deal with anything else.  

FionaD12

I know how frustrating it can be.  We started IVF some months ago due to male factor and unfortunately the first cycle was cancelled due to being a low responder.  After more tests found out  that I have an incredibly low AMH - 0.3 - which was unbelievably devastating as I was sure I didn't have any problems.  Second cycle got 4 follies and incredibly 3 eggs - however only one good embryo which after the dreaded 2WW found we had a BFN - again devastating.

I had a review meeting today and found out that my eggs are high quality and the embryo that was transferred was graded close to 1 - which my RE commented is as good as it gets.  I have a renewed sense of hope - you know I only need one embryo.  My RE is very optimistic and recounted a story of his 45 yr old patient who had only 1 embryo but amazingly it split and she gave birth to twins!!

 The first 2 cycles I just spent the entire time counting the weeks and forecasting when the baby would be born and totally obsessing.  I also obsessed about wanting to get pregnant before I hit 40 - only 6 weeks away now.

 This time I have decided to take a different approach and I feel quite free of the pressure to have it done by a certain date - I have been taking extra anti-oxidants and vitamins, acupuncture and reflexology between cycle 1 and 2 which I think has improved my egg quality anyway and will continue to do so.

 I have decided to postpone further treatment for 3 months and rid my body of the extra hormones - during this time I intend to live life to the absolute fullest - read all the books I have earmarked for years - take a well deserved holiday with my DH - clear out my garage and loft - do all the things I "never have time for" - and I hope that this will make the next 3 months a more enjoyable time getting ready for the baby rather than obsessing about it.

I know it doesn't work for everyone but I feel that if I stop obsessing and checking the calendar every other day, then I should feel less stressed and pressured.

 Hope this helps.

FYI - list of supplements I take include COQ10 100, B Complex, Vit E, Selenium, Zinc, Omega 3, Essential fatty acids, royal jelly, folic acid, vit c, cal/mag.

Also take a smoothie every morning which includes spirulina, maca, lecuma, bee pollen, raw cacao nibs, and a shot of wheatgrass first thing.

Diet changes - extra fish, extra nuts and seeds 

redelicious

I've booked an acupuncture appointment for Thursday.  I've done it before and not sure why I waited so long...I know it will help, at the very least, ease my stress level.

Thanks ladies for your kind words and encouragement.  I wouldn't wish this process on anyone!

klm195

Sorry to hear about your struggles and your m/c. My DH is the same way.  Since finding out my best friend is now pregnant (she got married two weeks after we did last year) I have had many crying sessions over "what if we can't get pregnant" to which my DH says "it will happen".  Really??  I don't think they really do understand what we are thinking at times.  I know my DH tries to be supportive - but some of the things that come out of his mouth only frustrate me more.

How do I cope with the stress - usually I just try to deal with it and try to come to terms with the possibility that we may never have kids.  However, this month I convinced DH to let me get a puppy!!  I'm a dog lover and used to raise Shetland Sheepdogs when I was younger.  I convinced DH that a puppy is just what I need to 'mother' right now.  Talk to me after a few sleepless nights...lol.

Good luck with your journey!  I don't post much, but these ladies are a wealth of information and great listeners!

ForTheLoveOf Pink

I've been TTC for nearly three years now....never a BFP, and still don't really have an answer to how to handle the stress of IF.

I think of having a baby pretty much everyday. I think what keeps me 60% sane (LOL)is just moving from cycle to cycle with that, all beit small, but glimmer of hope. I also love the DH , but somedays the guy just does not get it....my feelings of anger and sadness of cycle after cycle of BFN's gets to my core and he often does not understand the sadness I feel. I told him that lots of times I'm angry and just need to cry....he is there for me whether he gets it or not.

 

Budnotes

Glad to hear you booked an acupuncture appointment.  I've been doing it for a couple of months now and it's been a world of difference!!!   I've also done some other techniques including guided imagery and progressive muscle relaxation. 

I'm very negative too and I try to catch myself when I have negative thoughts and try to turn them into positives.  I'm very fortunate to have an incredibly supportive and positive husband who helps me get through my tough times.  If your husband tells you not to worry, maybe you should explain to him that him saying that doesn't help you feel better (remember - feelings aren't right or wrong).  The only other advice I can offer you is to talk to your husband and decide that if you HAVE to talk about it - that you set aside 20 or 30 minutes a day on that topic.  After that - it's off limits.  It's actually helped me a lot!  After we've had a big conversation about it and we move on, I do everything and anything to not talk about it again until the next day, if I have to.

I hope this helps.  I've been feeling much the same way you have and these have helped me tremendously.  This board has also helped a great deal as well.  You will find much support here.  Good luck to you!  **HUGS**

winidpu

I love Budnotes idea of giving the topic only 20 or 30 minutes a day and then not bringing it up again. I need to also find a way to manage the BFN and the let down month after month. The crazy thoughts that it's all my fault and are just getting to me. My husband is also very blase about the whole thing and just says it will happen for us and that I need to be patient. Easier said than done. Hang in there.

butterbrickle

Hi there - I hear ya with the frustration. I'm 37 and currently TTC #2. We've been trying since March of 2010. I guess my egg quality decreased FAST after having DD, bc she only took 3 months without the help of an RE. But we started with an RE in January and have been medicated ever since. Actually completed our 6th IUI - it was supposed to be IVF but I didn't even produce enough follicles to make it to the IVF cycle. Talk about discouraging.

And I'm like you - I'm not negative, I'm realistic. MH takes it as negativity, but I'm pretty much being realistic so I don't get my hopes up, In December, before our RE consult, I did a Clomid cycle with my OB/GYN and had a chemical pregnancy. When we got the BFP on the stick, we were so happy...only to find out that the betas dropped quick so hope faded. Since then, BFNs all around. sigh.

Good luck to you. It's so hard to handle the stress. They say to not be stressed, but how is that possible!! I just try to take deep breaths and stay calm where I can. But I see you are in NJ - I work in NYC and dealing with that commute makes it hard to be calm.  

 

shari2010

Hi! I'm new to this too! It is very frustrating! I have done 3 rounds of IUI. The first round I didnt get pregnant, the second I did but misscaried and the third cycle was stopped because my follicles werent growing. I've been trying for a year and completely understand how you feel. I cry so easily and my husband only wants me to be happy. How with all my friends having babies?! I have 10 nieces and nephews and all I want to do is add to our loving family and I can't!  They keep telling me their are other options but im not ready for that. Good luck to you and know that you are not alone.

redelicious

butterbrickle:

Good luck to you. It's so hard to handle the stress. They say to not be stressed, but how is that possible!! I just try to take deep breaths and stay calm where I can. But I see you are in NJ - I work in NYC and dealing with that commute makes it hard to be calm.  

 

 

I commute into NYC everyday too - certainly doesn't help the stress level!

redelicious

Met with the acupuncturist today.  She said I have a lot of blockages in my abdomen and lower back/hips that are affecting my circulation (and therefore ovary/ egg health).  She said I seemed to be a simple case and was very confident she could help!  I am going to see her twice a week to see how fast we can make an improvement.

Thanks for the advice to go - I really needed it!