Having a hard time.

07may07

Lately, I feel like I am really struggling with IF.  It kind of all came on me in the past week.  I think before that, I was busy focusing on getting everything set that needed to be for the donor cycle.  I actually had been feeling pretty good.

Now that everything is all set for the cycle, it has allowed my mind to wander.  I spend so much time thinking "what if this doesn't work?  What if I am just broken and can't stay pregnant?"  

Then I think about how long we've been trying.  So many friends have lapped us and have had 2+ children in the time we've been trying to get pregnant with one.  This past weekend, some neighbors had a 1st birthday party for their child.  It's so hard to think about the fact that we are in no different a place than we were 1 year ago (or 3.5 years ago for that matter).

I hate feeling this way.  I hate that it consumes me all day.I really do want to be happy.  IF just seems to get in the way.

On other news for the cycle, I start Lupron tonight.  My sister starts her meds in 2.5 weeks!  

jamielynnohio

BIG HUGS!!! My heart aches for you. It's such a miserable place to be. I'm so very sorry. I've got everything crossed for you! Best wishes and lots of T&P's!

psychmusetls

:::hugs::: infertility sucks and it's taken so much away from you already, don't let it take your hope too. Sometimes our hope is all that's left. Focus on that. Very excited for your cycle, t&p that this does lead to your happy ending. xo

Ginger71

I'm right there with you. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Some days are better than others and I know some days I am ridiculously hopeful. It sucks that there are so may ups and downs.  I hope that this is it for you and I wish you lots of luck no the cycle!

madelyn07

(((hugs)))

 

DeputiesWife

::hugs::

I'm thinking of you! 

BeeBee08

((hugs)).  Sending T&P for this to be your cycle.

snoangel79

Hugs!! We are close in our cycles! I wish you the best of luck!

orange1414

((big hugs)) I hope this cycle is it for you!

may2806

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling because I feel the same way. I will go along for awhile being fine, distracting myself, thinking everything's ok, and then bam it hits me. I think about where our friends' lives are at and how 'behind' and 'stuck' I feel.

For whatever reason this is the thing I have to bear in life, and it sucks but I am really trying to accept, the same way I had to accept DE, that if DE doesn't work we will be adopting. Do I want to embark on another process like that? No. But if it's what I need to do to have a family, I will do it. So now instead of thinking 'if' we have a baby, I think 'when' we have a baby. I really hope that's sooner rather than later, but at some point in the future this struggle will be behind me. 

I don't know if that helped, but it's how I'm *trying* to deal with it. Hopefully DE will work for both of us and we will be able to put this behind us soon. ((HUGS)) 

amaksym05

Oh Sweetie..I am sorry ((HUGS)) I know that place very well. IF sucks and it?s a very lonely place but I am thinking of you and pray this cycle is IT for you!!

MBfromBMC

(((huge hugs)))

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I hope this is the lucky one for you.

We're all rooting for you!!

 

cookie_queen

IF sucks.

being lapped sucks. 

None of it is fair. 

((hugs)) I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. From my experience these feelings are harder to handle at some times and easier at others. I hope it gets easier for you soon.

labbylover03

(((huge hugs)))  IF is such a roller coaster of emotions.  And after all we've been through, we can't help but be jaded.  There are many days I tell my DH....how much heartache can we take.  Then I have to pull myself together and tell myself that I will not let IF beat us.  I truly hope this is your cycle that brings you the sticky baby you deserve. 

emca

Huge hugs!  I think we all have our days where we feel lost and broken.  I know I do.  I have been having the same fears of going through a whole donor cycle and still ending up in the same place.  I think that is completely normal.  I have a hard time seeing all of my friends move on when we are still in the same place.  They  all have play dates and such and I feel completely left out. 

Just try to focus on the fact that this IS going to work and you are going to stay pregnant and have a baby before you know it.  YAY on starting meds and your sister too.  What a wonderful sister you have!

vanessagorc

Ginger71:

I'm right there with you. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Some days are better than others and I know some days I am ridiculously hopeful. It sucks that there are so may ups and downs.  I hope that this is it for you and I wish you lots of luck no the cycle!

add me to the list too.  HUGE HUGS!!!!!!

theworms

((HUGS))

it sucks cutie, it is hell, it's not fair and makes us feel feelings that no one should ever have to feel.

but we're all pulling for you and i'm praying hard this is FINALLY your BFsP!!

 

scooterq

Big ((hugs))  Thinking of you!!

hollymichael

Although my situation was different in that I couldn't get pregnant to start, I had the same thoughts moving on to DE. It is both exciting and scary at the same time to move on to something new. Good luck to you!