Am I crazy or is THIS crazy?
Well, my exH just dropped out of DS life on his own - well partially due to the fact that he had a warrant out for non payment of CS and was a little afraid to show his face around me, but still...18 months and he's all over the place literally from WA to CA to ND, now he's in Montana to stay supposedly. I don't know, while he was in each of those places he was careful not to disclose any information to me of his exact whereabouts.
So for 18 months all his involvement consisted of was an about 30 sec. phone call once a week that I initiated. So he basically abandoned DS and I was taking him back to court to change the PP to just that, phone visitation only. (see post to achase123 below for the whole story)
He wants all this visitation all the sudden, as in 5 day 4 night overnight stints 4 times a year, plus e/o holiday, split summers, every spring break, every winter break etc. it's crazytown. How can someone go from totally not giving a rats @ss to wanting so much time? And after being gone SO long, I mean, DS is only 4, 18 months is like half his life practically. And for exH to go from not seeing him in that long to thinking being away with him for that long is kind of intense if you ask me.
He barely even knows the kid, and DS certainly doesn't know him. Am I crazy for thinking this or doesn't some kind of re-integration seem in DS best interest rather than just sending him to someone that he doesn't know and hasn't spent any time with in 18 months? Also to note in my case, in our previous PP exH had NO overnights at all, just e/o Sat. 10-6 and e/o holiday - which he rarely used then, and faded into nothing. Anyone, anyone want to weigh in? Would a judge agree to this jumping into long visitations with overnights suddenly?
I don't know. It's frustrating. To think that he was gone for so long and now wants back is frustrating. I have such mixed feelings, because of course it would be great for DS to actually know who his dad is, but such fear that he will be a messy-maker (what I called him before due to his inconsistencies in coming for visitation), and now that DS is older he will be that much more influenced.
Please let me be clear - it's not that I don't want him part of DS life at all, it's that he's not been reliable up to this point, and I'm afraid for DS that it's going to hurt him so badly in the end, especially with him asking for such long periods of time, while DS has not been away from me more than one night EVER. exH doesn't get it, he just keeps saying "But I'M HIS DAD", and can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that he and DS are virtual strangers, regardless of their shared DNA.
Thoughts? Any questions are more than welcome. Hope this made sense! I'm just looking for some help, as I'm a nervous wreck over it all.
Re: Am I crazy or is THIS crazy?
You never know what a judge is going to do. By what your ex says he wants and what he files and shows up at court for may be 2 very different things.
And yes...ask Tifanco, judges can and do go along w/ these types of long distance parenting time splits.
Edit:
You don't have an abandonment case b/c of the phone calls. There has to be a period of 6 months- year...some states 2 years of ABSOLUTELY no contact. Everytime he talks on the phone the clock starts again. Even that little of involvement is still involvement.
You would have had a better case if you didnt' take the initative to make the call and let him make those.