Should I bring this to DH's attention? IL related.

RSMom32011

DH can be dense sometimes when it comes to his family. He's a guy, and he doesn't notice little things like I do. I've been thinking about MIL's blatant favoritism for her other grandkids, particularly her daughter's.

I feel bad for my DD. My dad isn't in the picture. My mom is so much more wonderful than I ever thought she'd be. DD adores her. FIL is meh... neither here nor there. I blame that on him not being so crazy about dealing with babies. MIL. Is near non-existent. Together FIL and MIL have probably seen DD maybe 10 times since she was born and held her maybe 5 times. They live 20 minutes down the road. We went out to eat with them the Friday night, and I tried to show that DD was awake, and happy, and just talking away at them... They pretty much ignored her. If that were the other grandkids, they'd be getting hugs and kisses.

I don't want to add more to DH and the way he feels about this. Neither of them showed up when she was born. All though they were 2 of 6 that were invited to the hospital.  And that really, really hurt him. He'd never admit it. But he's hurt by the fact that his parents don't care about our child. But then again. I think that he could say something. Or maybe there's a reason that I don't know about. Like they don't want to intrude. WDYT?

Shamlet123

In my personal experience. It is best to keep these things to yourself.

I don't think that bringing it to your H's attention that his parents don't really care about their grandchild is going to accomplish anything except make him feel worse, sorry.

Angtru18

Shamlet123:

In my personal experience. It is best to keep these things to yourself.

I don't think that bringing it to your H's attention that his parents don't really care about their grandchild is going to accomplish anything except make him feel worse, sorry.

I It would drive me crazy to the point of wanting to say something to my DH, but the post above does make 100% sense. Is he supposed to call up his parents and say "You dont care about my kid enough?" Its a tough call, because either way... your feelings are going to be hurt. Im sorry you have to go through this. If it makes you feel better, My IL's (Well, MIL's side.. DH's parents are divorced) are God awful human beings.

pajahbear

I could've written your post.  Except that my MIL has seen LO 3 times since he was born.  She had an easter egg hunt for all of the grandkids except mine.  Including her youngest daughters unborn child.I  Last summer she took a family trip to an amusement park with all of her grandkids, except my kids.  She has never missed a soccer or baseball game for SIL's kids but never been to anything of my kids.  Band concert, softball/t-ball, gymnastics, soccer,dance recital, or horse shows.  My LO is the ONLY birth she has missed (she has 8 grandkids) and she didn't come to DS #1's baptism.  My kids are the only birthday parties she ever misses and one year at Christmas, she "forgot" to bring our gifts.  My 11 year old, has asked me not to invite her anymore because she doesn't want to be let down, AGAIN.  I have been dealing with this for 11 years.  My DH has confronted his Mother twice, both time he was in tears telling her how bad he was hurt by her actions.  She has NOT changed one thing.  I told DH, she is no longer welcome at our family parties, she never comes anyway and I am done with her.  Now he is mad at me and acting like it is my fault.  He just lets her walk all over him and I can't stand to see it anymore.  I would definitely confront yous DH about this.  I hope your DH has "bigger balls" than mine.  I hope things get better with your MIL.  If not, my advise, cut her out now, because waiting until your kid is 11 for them to realize on thier own, will break your heart. 

Sorry so long, I hope it all works out for you. GL

erakgail

I would keep it to yourself. I know how you feel from personal experience with my fiance's dad and stepmom. All I've ever said to him about the situation is that they can be as involved OR uninvolved as they want. I will never keep Finn from seeing them (in all honesty I would rearrange almost any plans if they called us and wanted to get together), and I always try to keep them involved. But I don't go out of my way to try and make plans with them...it just ends up with me being frustrated and FI having hurt feelings.

awireman

I could of written this post also. It is hurtful but my DH acts like it's no big deal but I know it bothers him. You can talk to him about it but in my experience it does no good.

atalanta04

If you really think that it is a possibility that the reason behind their lack of involvement is that they don't want to intrude, then I would say talking to your DH about it could possibly help.  Maybe you can frame it that way, instead of saying "it is hurtful that your parents ignore our child."  You could ask him if he thinks that your parents are afraid of stepping on toes, or intruding into your lives and see what he thinks about putting the invitation out there.  If you do that and they STILL don't come around, then you at least know you tried.  It would be a shame to write them off if there is a somewhat-legitimate excuse for their behavior.  It could be that their other grandkids are older, so they are more interactive - some people just aren't that into babies. [I say this because I have relatives who could care less about a baby in the room, but will happily play with a 2+ year old.  My father also didn't come to the hospital when DD was born, so I'm familiar with family issues.]  Anyway, I always err on the side of communicating with your DH, just go about it in a non-judgemental, open-minded way.  Ask him how he feels about the situation instead of making statements about how his parents are horrible.  KWIM?