Adoption

***msditz00***

I wanted to respond to this from below, and wanted to make sure you saw it. 

image msditz00:

If I am remembering correctly, your original paperwork was for a child a bit younger than M, right?  And you had to redo parts of it to be approved to adopt him?

If that was not you, sorry! 

If it is you, I am only asking because we are at the point where we are considering what age(s) we want to adopt.  Any insight into what made you change your mind would be appreciated.  It helps to hear other people's stories.

Yes, initially, we planned to adopt a child or 2 siblings, between the ages of 2 and 6.  We chose those ages because we wanted to adopt an "older child," but were worried about adopting a school-aged child because of the possible additional difficulties he/she would have adjusting.  We worried that the older the child was, the more likely they were to have attachment difficulties and the harder the adjustment would be because of language difficulties in school.

When adopting from Peru, you have two choices:  you can wait for them to match you to a child, or you can adopt a waiting child.  We started out expecting to be matched, but we were also always open to a waiting child.  As we became aware of the delays in families receiving matches, we started to realize that a waiting child was most likely going to be our path.

When we found M on the list, it was just after his 7th birthday.  Since our range was 2-6, we considered the situation long and hard, but ultimately decided that everything else was a match, and he had just turned 7, so we were okay with the situation.  After we decided to go ahead, we were provided with updated medical information that claimed that recent bone aging actually places him at a year and a half older than his birth records...so 8.5!  We were already committed to the idea of making M our son, and changed all our paperwork to adopt an 8 year-old.

We were told that all M's paperwork would be changed to reflect his new age of 8 years old, but that never happened.  Although his size, teeth, and the bone testing all indicate that he really is older, we are sticking with the younger, original age officially.  This sets him at a perfect spot developmentally, and there's no reason to rock his world and place him "artificially" behind his peers.  As he grows, a year will be inconsequential anyway, so to the world (and himself), M is now 8.  In reality, he's probably closer to 9.5.

Would I do it again?  In a heartbeat!  Does it entail all the difficulties we were concerned about?  In M's case, yes.  But from the beginning, we set out to bring home a child that might not otherwise get a chance at a family.  With M, we all got exactly what we were looking for, but didn't exactly know (or, in my husband and my case, were a bit nervous about).


Re: ***msditz00***

  • Thank you so much for this response.

    One of my biggest fears about specifying ages (we are looking to adopt siblings through DCF) is that we will miss out on the children who are meant to be with us.  I am truly hoping our situation will work out as yours did - that life will just lead us to the children who are meant to be ours.

    I appreciate you taking the time to let me know about your experience.

    I have to ask, how do the authorities in Peru decide a birthday for the child?  Since they are just guestimating ages, do they say, "OK, we say he is about 7, so his birthday will be June 28, 2004"?  Sorry if this is a stupid question, just oddly curious about it.

    image

    5/10 - Gideon 6/12 Warren
    4/11 Started adoption process for 2 siblings through DCF. 10/12 Found out we are licensed! 12/14 Brought 3 week old identical twin girls home from the hospital.  Could be at least until Summer 1015 til we know if they are forever ours
  • image msditz00:

    I have to ask, how do the authorities in Peru decide a birthday for the child?  Since they are just guestimating ages, do they say, "OK, we say he is about 7, so his birthday will be June 28, 2004"?  Sorry if this is a stupid question, just oddly curious about it.

    No, lol.  But in Peru, you legally have up to 2 years to register a birth certificate.  When children are born outside of the main city areas where this can be done, or are not born in a hospital, this often gets delayed...indefinately.  If it's done too late, it can easily be inaccurate.

    I never thought that M would have the more accurate birth certificate, but if we adopt J, that may just be the case.  J was found abandoned, and never had a birth certificate.  Within the last year, though, they needed one to enter him into school.  They have a pretty good idea of his date of birth, because they think they found him the day after, but...they apparently had to specify a mother and a father...so they just made them up!  Surprise  ***!  At least we'd have paperwork proving that if he doesn't believe us when he gets older....


  •     
  • LOL, that is great that they can just make up parents.  I wonder if they have a sense of humor about it, or go for actual names.

    I hope you guys find out soon that J is going to be your son.  I can't wait to see pictures of him and M being reunited!  I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    image

    5/10 - Gideon 6/12 Warren
    4/11 Started adoption process for 2 siblings through DCF. 10/12 Found out we are licensed! 12/14 Brought 3 week old identical twin girls home from the hospital.  Could be at least until Summer 1015 til we know if they are forever ours
  • image msditz00:

    LOL, that is great that they can just make up parents.  I wonder if they have a sense of humor about it, or go for actual names.

    Well, last time we were down there, we met the women who runs the orphanage, and her name is on the certificate as the person requesting it.  I'm dying to know where she came up with the names, and you better believe I'm going to ask her about it if I see her next time we're down!

    The names are good, strong names, and provide the basis J's new last name (they use the father's last name and then the mother's last name).  The orphanage/authorities gave J his first name when they took him in.

    image msditz00:

    I hope you guys find out soon that J is going to be your son.  I can't wait to see pictures of him and M being reunited!  I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    Thank you so much!  So are hopeful.  They had a matching session Monday, and J's still available for adoption.  We plan to send our paperwork down in the next couple of weeks.


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