You may disagree, but ...

aprilsarahjune

When DH and I aren't both there so that we can double team, the best kind of help has been the hired kind.  The nanny is the only one who can manage to watch the girls and wash bottles and do baby laundry and not leave a mess behind her.  Despite their best intentions, family members show up for the sole purpose of holding babies, and while it is sometimes nice to be home without a baby in my arms, I would rather you come and bring dinner.  As a working mom, I crave time holding babies, not more time in the kitchen.  I really enjoy visits and am glad that family members want to be a part of my children's lives, but if you are coming to cuddle babies, it is not so much "help" as a "visit".  Just saying

ksiana

Couldn't agree more!

leviandlandensmom

No kidding. Your presence in my home does not constitute help thank.you.very.much.

MrsLnt

I fully agree.  I am a SAHM, but some of the best help we've had has been the babysitter/nanny I had from months 2-4.  My mom is pretty reliable at helping with what I need her to help with and not just holding a sleeping baby (of which there should be none because I"m a hardass about babies sleeping in their beds).  If you say you want to help, actually take direction with the help I need, rather than just holding the babies.

My ILs didn't even try to disguise their visits as help. Except for the time they brought us Subway and acted like they'd cooked a 5-star gourmet meal.  And, sadly, that was the only meal we had brought to us.  

SpinningJess

I'm so lucky...my mom truly understands what kind of help is needed, both now during pregnancy and once babies are here.  With my son, she let me take care of him and she did the cooking/cleaning/etc.  I also had a couple of friends bring meals right after I had him.  Good people...who are also moms and they get it

Haven1

leviandlandensmom:

No kidding. Your presence in my home does not constitute help thank.you.very.much.

Preach it!  My mom is actually a little too helpful (please stop folding DH's undies out of the dryer), but my MIL isn't the least bit helpful. 

amanda31H

My mom is definitely the folding-hot-undies-right-out-of-dryer type, but my ILs would literally say they wanted to come over and "hold babies."

It was frustrating.  MIL stayed for 3 nights b/c she wanted to "help", like my Mom did (my Mom was here for a week).  All she wanted to do was hold a baby, and if the baby started crying she would hand her right back to me and say "I don't know what they need."  Ummmm...seriously?  I'm the one who's never had a baby before...you think I have any effin' clue what she needs?  

tmbuchmann

See I was on the other hand, I got tired of holding babies and just wanted someone to come over and hold them so I could get up and move around. I like to do my own dishes and fold laundry and what not. But that just maternity leave, now that we are in "real world" I don't get any help but my mom who can watch them and fold a basket of laundry, God love her!

Temp6313048411121614

After DS1 was born, the only person that brought food was my mom, everyone else just wanted to come and hold a baby (while I tended to them and cleaned up after them).  Even being a SAHM, he was my first and all I wanted to do for the first few weeks was cuddle him, we constantly had people over having their baby time and I feel like I lost out on a lot the first few weeks.

akaMrsL

So true!!

Cyndi&Matt

leviandlandensmom:

No kidding. Your presence in my home does not constitute help thank.you.very.much.

 couldn't say it better myself ...

BUT, how do you communicate this to them???

klr210

my favorite people are the ones that say "what can I do to help" and accept whatever I give them. I have a friend and I will tell her "entertain DD" and she will. AND she'll do it trying to emulate my rules for manners and such. LOVE it. I can totally engross myself in folding my OWN underpants

 

aprilsarahjune

Aussie*s_Mom:

After DS1 was born, the only person that brought food was my mom, everyone else just wanted to come and hold a baby (while I tended to them and cleaned up after them).  Even being a SAHM, he was my first and all I wanted to do for the first few weeks was cuddle him, we constantly had people over having their baby time and I feel like I lost out on a lot the first few weeks.

I know this feeling all too well!  We have taken the girls "home" to visit family twice since they were born.  The last time was after my first week of work, so I felt all-too-distanced from my girls.  Well, my aunt came over to my mom's house uninvited, walked up to me, and said, "I washed my hands -- hand her over!"  And then she snatched Addi away from me.  I started crying.

gumiberg

leviandlandensmom:

No kidding. Your presence in my home does not constitute help thank.you.very.much.

it does for me, but my kids are older.

my Dad and his wife are a lifesaver...the come over 2x a week to play with the kids.  All they do is play but it gives me a chance to work, do dishes, or whatever I want. 

I am weird though, even when they were babies I considered them coming over and holding them to be very helpful because it meant that I could do something else.  I've been very lucky to have family that likes to come over and visit.

newsbaby

Insert applause in agreement here! These so called helpers make things even worse for me since I feel like I have to entertain them with food and cleaning my house!

j&j508

a-freaking-men!!  It's not such a big deal for us now (though I totally agree that as a working mom I WANT to be the one to hold my babies when I'm home!) but especially the first couple of months it was a huge pain in the rear to have "helpers" because they just made more work and got mad when I said the babies needed to go in their cribs for naps.

BoLatina

newbie here but totally agree with this!