Oh MIL...
So I posted pictures on FB from a friends birth I got to photograph yesterday. My MIL just im'd me to 1) tell me that they were beautiful pictures and 2) ask if I was going to have someone do that for me. I told her that I would love to hire someone, but DH has vetoed the idea because he isn't big on the idea of it, my OB doesn't think a photographer will be allowed in the OR and DH feels like we can't afford it. Of course my MIL decides to ask if she could be in surgery with me and DH taking pictures. NO! DH either thinks I'm going to change my mind about her coming here while I'm delivering or he hasn't told her she can visit in the hospital after we've had time together as our little family but can't stay with us at.all. I fibbed and said that I had to go take care of Emma because she isn't sleeping... 
I can't dodge this much longer. Should I make DH explain to his mom that she is not allowed to come to the hospital until I say it's okay and that she cannot come and help out when I get home? Just the thought of her thinking about it makes my stress level rise. I know those of you fellow members of the "I don't care much for my MIL" club can help me out here. I don't want to offend her, but she seriously cannot be near me after this baby gets here because someone WILL get hurt. 
Re: Oh MIL...
Ugg, I know just how you feel.
If it were me, I'd just tell her that no, the OR does not allow extra people (other than your DH) in the room, unless they are doulas. We had a nurse tell our families that it was hospital policy to give us at least an hour after the birth before allowing other friends/family in the room. My MIL couldn't argue with policies!
I'd assume that she's going to have to be allowed to visit sometime soon after your LO arrives, so can you just have DH tell her that your mom or BF or someone else is coming first after the birth, and he'll let MIL know when she can come back two weeks later? Also, he could suggest that she stay somewhere else so that it will help Emma transition to the "routines" of having a baby and not be confused by people staying at the house.
My phone won't quote right but I agree with Doublem! Hospital policies (i.e. post c/s recovery time with only you guys in recovery so staff can monitor post op) and new routine for E makes family staying with you all unworkable.
FWIW my MIL and FIL talked about coming to the hospital when we went in, but DH and III consistently talked about adjusting just the 3 of us and in the end, my in-laws completely respected our time and space.
GL!
Just tell her you hired a photographer and it's all good but thanks for the offer and you'll call her when it's OK to come see you.
Then if you actually don't hire a photographer, just say the photographer got sick.
I really love you, Jill. :-)
I've talked to my mom about being here and taking care of Emma for the day. She understands that when she brings Emma to meet her baby brother, after we're out of recovery, that we want some time just the four of us so Emma can spend time with us too. But she's my mom. I want my mom there. UGH! I'm going to talk to DH and we'll tell her a mixture of your guys' responses.
It's awful, I know, but I don't even want her around for more than a day at a time. How do we get stuck with crazy IL's? She was definitely not his crazy when we were dating and engaged. It all started after we got married.
I don't know your family situation, (DH only child, ect...) buy I know in my family this bolded part is the part my MIL doesn't "get". She feels as attached to her son and as a result her grandchildren as I feel to my mom. So saying it's ok for my mom but not for her doesn't always fly. Not with DH either. I think this has to be a converstion your DH has with her. and you could script it for him if it's better. But you'll eventualy have to set your boundaries with her so she knows where and when you feel comfortable with her.
I do also think you should solicit feedback from your DH: I know it may not be your wishes but what does he want his mother to do? Is there anyway you could give her rules? "we would be more than thrilled to have you come visit us after the 4 of us have settled and while you are here, we'd love it if you take Em out to lunch or for a special ice cream treat". Then she feels involved (not exluded) and you still get your time to yourself?
Sorry that you have to deal with this, it's not fair that something that is about you, the 4 of you, has to be so dramatic with your family.
I don't think it'll fly with MIL either. Unfortunately, we've tried setting boundaries and she hasn't respected them, which is one reason why I don't want her around. I'm going to talk to DH and find out what he thinks and how he feels about what we should do.
Thanks for your feedback, Watchpot. You brought up a great point!
And that's your issue that your DH needs to be responsible for handling. You are your own family now and she needs to respect that.
I set up rules like StellaZ's very early on and there were no issues form family (only from some friends. Still don't get that) because we don't tolerate our boundries being breached like that. MIL has tried twice to override (what she thinks is just) me and my wishes and DH (only child of a widowed mother) has taken care of it. Pronto. Sadly, one of those times was the day after N was born.
I agree with WatchPot that it might be harder to do the "my mom is ok, but your mom isn't" thing. We set our rules for everyone (but then my sister moved here 2 weeks before N was born and the rules didn't really apply to her, not that we told anyone else that
)
I agree 100%, because otherwise your MIL not only won't "get it" again, but she'll also feel singled out, and could think you don't like her at all and/or start resenting you for it. We set rules like this in our house as soon as we got married for things like visiting at holidays (our families are all in the same city), and did the same when E was born. That way, MIL could complain about it, but she couldn't feel like we had a personal vendetta against her. And DH always dealt with his own mom so I wouldn't be the mean DIL - I think it has also helped her respect him more and treat him like a man instead of just her son.