Losing hope :( (long)

labbylover03

I have beta #4 tomorrow, and although we started off to a slow start, last Wednesday's beta more than doubled and showed promise that this might work out. 

Well I feel like a fool that I actually let myself start getting excited last week.  While we were at a wedding last night, I started spotting.  (We were with my entire DH's family and said I was sick so we could go back to hotel and I could lay down.)  TMI - It was mostly brown, but then some red mixed in so I freaked out.  By this morning it was back to just brown...so I was hoping it was ok.  Once we made it home after a 3 hour drive, I went to the bathroom....still mostly brown, but when I wiped again, red with a clot.    Since then, nothing really...just a little brown tint.  I haven't even really had anything on a panty liner....all just when I wipe and no cramps either.  I'm just so sick to my stomach.  I know we'll know more once my beta comes back tomorrow, but I'm pretty much losing hope.  I feel like I'm trying to miscarry but the PIO may be preventing me from the actual bleeding.

I thought once we moved onto donor sperm, this would finally work for us.  I never thought we'd be facing our 3rd loss....and the possibility of a fifth ivf.  I'm so sad and angry.  I'm so thankful though for my DH.  He was so sweet to me last night.  He kept saying no matter what happens, we still have each other.  He even went to the gas station by the hotel to get me some pads, as of course, I didn't pack any....didn't expect to start spotting like that and then I feared I'd wake up bleeding.  In almost 11 years together, this is the very first time he's ever bought me feminine products.  

If you made it through my whiney post, thanks!  I just needed to vent and glad I have this board to do so.     

ETA:  woke up to more spotting today and it now has red again.   ugh.

vanessagorc

Huge Hugs!

I would be feeling the same way, it's all just too much.  i can't believe i'll be starting my 3rd ivf...so i know what you mean.

I really hope all is ok, and it's just first tri spotting.  Sending you vibes for a great beta!

babystinkbreath

i'm sorry you are having such a hard time.  I know how hard it is not to worry about things.  hang in there hun and I hope you get a great number tomorrow.

orange1414

((hugs)) I'm so sorry, hon. I hope you get good news tomorrow.

Ginger71

I'm sorry about the spotting but it is so common. Especially if you are on your feet a lot. I hope all is well ...... I suspect that it really is Just stay off your feet and drink lots of water. I know you are worried and I'm sorry that you have one more thing to be concerned about. We're here if you need us. (((hugs)))

emca

I am so sorry you are going through this and you are definitely not too whiney!!  This is all so much to endure and to have the fear of m/c on top of all of the treatments makes it so much to take!  I hope that it all works out and we are all here to "listen."  Take it easy and try not to lose hope just yet!

Edwina.McDunnough

I'm so sorry. Even though no one wants to see it at all, I think spotting is pretty common. I really hope all is well and that you get good news tomorrow.

stei8086

The worry, fear and anxiety that go along with IF is just torture. I hate that we all have to go through this. Hoping so badly that this is part of the first trimester spotting. I will be thinking of you tomorrow! HUGS!

theworms

((HUGS))

praying all is well and your beta is amazing tomorrow

GL cutie

bubbas mama1

Aw hun - I am so sorry you are feeling so scared & sad Your hubby sounds wonderful & a great support! Will say a prayer for you tonight & hope your beta comes back strong & that the bleeding subsides! Huge hugs to you!

mm29

I am so sorry you are going through this!  I would feel the same way, spotting can be very scary!  I will keep my fingers crossed the spotting is harmless 1st tri spotting.  

I'm sending you lots of doubling vibes for your beta tomorrow!

 

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick

((HUGS)) Tons of thoughts and prayers for great news today!! GL!!

Mandy_Lou83

So sorry your having to deal with this. I really hope you get some good news today.

hollymichael

Good luck today! I hope you get good news!

I felt the same way when we moved to DE. It was supposed to be the answer and I was so angry when it didn't work the first time.

MBfromBMC

(((huge hugs)))

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this right now...

Faith722

I'm sorry you're going through all of this.  I'm praying that your beta comes back with a strong number and can ease your worries.

<<<HUGS>>>

Temp590840000005378

Oh hun, I'm so sorry!! I'm still hopeful for you, but I can see why you are completely discouraged, you poor thing... you've been through so much!! ((BIG HUGS))

Tanya+Da

I am thinking of you youoday. ((Hugs)) to you and YH...and I am still holding out hope!

DeputiesWife

::hugs::

keeping you in my T&P!