Grandparents helping with daycare? WDYT?

bethany joy

LO will be in daycare full-time at 12 weeks. I can afford most places, but we asked if my mom wanted to watch her 2 days a week to save us money and give LO grandma time. My mom is charging 160/month. The other 3 days LO will be at a daycare center or an at-home provider. (FWIW the two places we have seen so far are 760-860/month full-time. The 860 place is AWESOME but I would love to spend less than this.)

Do you think it's worth it to have my mom help? Part of me thinks it would be great - I can go there at lunch to nurse, my baby will have one-on-one time with grandparents, etc. Another part of me thinks it might be a hassle and my mom and I might argue. Just wondering if any of you have insights from your own experiences and whatnot. I love my family but sometimes they're drama hah.

 

Mrs. Alice

Absolutely.  Both my parents are retired and moving to be close to us.  They will gladly babysit when I go back to work, probably only 2 days a week at first.  Just curious why your mom is charging you money though? 

mabma80

Your Mom is going to charge you?  I would just stick with the full-time daycare.

njmommaterp

My Mom watches my DD twice-a-week (my Dad, depending on how he is feeling health wise, usually comes once-a-week with my Mom). They love it, my DD loves it and I think it is awesome that she is so close with her Grandparents.

They take her to story time at the bookstore/library, take her to the park, local farms, for walks etc...My Mom talks to me about routines, discipline etc...so we are all on the same page and not sending conflicting messages to my DD.

However, we do not pay my parents...they never asked for money nor did they accept when we offered to pay them. We do make sure to get them something extra special for Christmas/bdays/Mother's Day (my Mom does all the work ;-)!

You mentioned drama with the family...you just have to decide if it is worth it to pay for any unnecessary drama...if not, stick with daycare, full-time.

elynds

I would do it - sounds like a nice change of pace for LO and that your mom would enjoy it. 

RE paying her - I actually think it's a GOOD idea.  My grandma takes care of my cousins and they pay her (I have no idea how much, but they do) and I think that it helps keep your relationship less strained.  It seems like my grandma takes the job a little more seriously since they pay her - she doesn't EVER cancel on them and follows their guidelines and I think this is partially because she views it as a job.  I'm not saying she wouldn't take it seriously otherwise, but I think there's a level of accountability involved when there's money and that coud be a positive. 

mama31

Go with your gut.  My Mom used to do home daycare and retired last year. She is only a few miles away from us, so it sounds like it would have been a great idea.  DD is in a home daycare and so will this LO.  The reason we didn't go with Mom is because it would be to tiring for her to chase after a LO and because I want her to be Grandma not a daycare provider for my LO.  We do use my Mom from time to time if our daycare is closed for vacation and waht not, but that is it.

neko621

My mom lives almost 5 hours away, and I wish she were closer so we would have this opportunity---even if it's just for the weekend or for a few days.  Lots of my friends have their parents or ILs watch their LOs, and it seems to work for them.  Do what makes you feel the most comfortable.  Like the others have mentioned, I'm curious why your mom is charging you?

bethany joy

I wish my mom didn't have to charge me, but she and my dad aren't great financially. She is a realtor and obviously not making much these days. I go back and forth between being annoyed that she would charge us and happy that it's less than most places... Basically if she watched LO i could afford the nice place three days a week. Full time there is at our max. I am so indecisive.

MrsM1113

I think it could be a really great situation or a horrible situation, and anywhere in between.  It really depends on you and your DH's relationship with your mom, and what kind of a grandparent she is.

I think that paying her is a good idea, especially since it's not an large amount.  I agree with PP that it may help her to view it as a job, and prevent her from feeling taken advantage of.  I also think that having a talk with her before agreeing to anything and maybe drawing up a contract would be a good idea. 

Keep in mind, that with any caregiver, you are entrusting them to carry out your wishes while you're gone.  If your mother disagrees with your parenting style, will she go above your head or will she follow your will?  Also, is she willing to change her lifestyle to care for a baby?  Meaning, will she stay home so LO can be on a schedule (would you be okay with her running errands)?  Will she baby proof the house, and be willing to keep a swing/toys/bouncer/etc. out, or will she want her house to stay exactly the same?  Since she is a realtor, and business is slow, will she have to be "on call" to meet with clients, or will the days she has LO be her days off from her work? 

Not trying to say it's a bad idea- it can be a great thing- just make sure both parties are clear on expectations and boundaries.
 

bre86ann

My MIL wants to charge us and I told DH absolutely not. I don't make enough  money at my job to make it worth it to pay anyone...especially when my mom will gladly watch LO for free. So if it comes down to it I'll only go back to work 4 days a week (Saturdays and Sundays when DH is home and Tuesdays and Thursdays when my mom is off). I refuse to pay grandma to spend time with LO unless I needed her full time (in which case she would want to stop watching the kid she already gets paid to watch). But for 2 days a week absolutely not.

laurasuzanne2006

bre86ann:

My MIL wants to charge us and I told DH absolutely not. I don't make enough  money at my job to make it worth it to pay anyone...especially when my mom will gladly watch LO for free. So if it comes down to it I'll only go back to work 4 days a week (Saturdays and Sundays when DH is home and Tuesdays and Thursdays when my mom is off). I refuse to pay grandma to spend time with LO unless I needed her full time (in which case she would want to stop watching the kid she already gets paid to watch). But for 2 days a week absolutely not.

I would have to agree with this. 

Fortunately for us we will only need someone to watch LO once a week, which is perfect grandma time.  I don't think it should have to be paid, maybe get grandma a special treat every once and a while or something like that to show appreciation.  I know in our situation my mom is happy to watch our LO as my sister doesn't have her watch their children.  It can get tricky having family watch your children, but as long as they respect your parenting and have similar ideas it can work.  (for example we are using cloth, so I would want to make sure my mom isn't sneaking sposies on my kid, that kinda stuff)

NYChick

Just curious why people seem so upset about he notion of paying relatives for childcare?

Taking care of an infant is very hard work, no?

And the amount OP mentioned- $160, seems like just enough to cover her gas and lunch. Seems like a very generous offer to me.

My parents are going to be living with us in our 'granny flat' and they havent offered to give us free full days of childcare on a regular basis, and we haven't asked. They have worked very hard their whole lives to enjoy their retirement, not to be tied down to taking care of my children for 8-10 hour days. I know they are going to be very anxious to spend time with LO, and I expect that time will be spent playing and having fun, maybe babysitting for 2-3 hours at the most while they are still infant/toddlers.

If my parents, or any relative, offered to work for us, abide by our house rules and philosophy, consistently be available and not call in sick unless it was absolutely necessary, I would definitely expect to pay them. If they wouldnt take the money, seems like a recipe for disaster to me.

 I guess different families have different perspectives on this stuff. My parents are of the mindset that grand-parenthood is about having fun with and spoiling the grandkids, not hard labor. After everything they have done for us, that makes a lot of sense to me.