financial bombshell--probably can't have another kid for years

perry7285

horrible, horrible news this morning.

all of our planning about family has been based on the assumption that if we didn't make enough money to pay for childcare, we could take out student loans for it, since i'm a graduate student.

well, i got my financial aid letter today, saying i was ineligible for aid because my funds exceeded my need. huh? so i call the financial aid office and find out two horrible things:

1. the federal government doesn't allow you to count childcare costs towards financial need unless you're a single parent (even if your spouse works), so we won't be able to take out any more student loans.  EDITED: okay, i read the fine print more closely and you can include SOME of the cost in your financial aid--but nowhere near enough to pay for the costs of more than one child.

2. there was a mistake in my application last year (which was totally my fault) that resulted in us getting $20,000 in student loans that we weren't supposed to get. so they're going to re-calculate things and we're probably going to have to pay back the 20K that WE DON'T HAVE--we spent most of it on DS-related expenses and credit card debt. our entire nest egg right now is 9K. oh, and the best part is, the director is out of town, so we won't even know how much we need to pay back for two more weeks. so we're going to spend two weeks biting our nails and lying awake at night panicking about what's going to happen.

this changes EVERYTHING. we had planned to TTC #2 at the end of this summer, and i was very attached to wanting DS and his little brother or sister to be close in age. well, so much for that. if we can't figure out a way to make money appear to cover childcare costs, we can't afford another kid, and DS and his sibling will be four or five years apart. i know that there are kids with big age gaps that are close, but it isn't what i wanted.

this sucks. i know i'm blessed to have a beautiful healthy baby, a DH that i love, and a job that i like, but man, this sucks. 

charmcitygirl

I'm so sorry, hon!  You are really having a rough go of it lately with your health and your grad degree.  This is just too much.  I know its hard to handle when the decision is made for you.  Just take things one day at a time.  Talk to the director and see where you can go from there. 

tnkrbl21

Ugh I am so sorry - that just sucks.  I hope you guys can figure something out.  You will complete your family

ShannonSky

charmcitygirl:

I'm so sorry, hon!  You are really having a rough go of it lately with your health and your grad degree.  This is just too much.  I know its hard to handle when the decision is made for you.  Just take things one day at a time.  Talk to the director and see where you can go from there. 

This, this exactly! Just try and breathe, in the end things will work out. Maybe not how you planned, but it'll be all right as long as everyone is safe and healthy. *hugs* 

BeccaLandes

i'm really sorry. i know being a long-term student is tough, even if in the long run it gives you a career and job you love.  maybe there is some other way you can get money? although i am not one to give advice, sitting under $100k in student loan debt myself...

it really isn't fair that your childbearing should be dictated by something like this, i think that part is so hard, too. 

dana316

((((Hugs)))

Hang in there, Mama.  These things have a way of working themselves out...I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you navigate this tricky situation...

 

Mouseygail

ugh...its just one thing after another for you lately, isn't it?  (((HUGS))) 

newsbaby

Ugh that is rough! I am so sorry but I believe it will all fall into place for you soon. Hugs.

kme930

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else you have going on right now! Ugh. I hope that they are reasonable about the 20k in excess loans and I hope you find a way to make things work so that you don't have to wait 3-4 more years. (((hugs)))

kimarino13

I didn't realize you could even use student loans to pay for anything other than tuition and books.  Where have I been?!

I am sorry to hear about all of the problems you have been having lately.

DavezWife

I'm sorry.

I'm frustrated for you.. there's stupid people who are broke and dumb and have kids all the time. You're trying to be responsible and "do it right" and this is what you get. aarrggghh.  I also "get" the age thing. I'm bummed Ava won't have a sibling close in age to her, it's hard when we dont' get to decide stuff like that.

 

MontyMrs

((HUGS)) I'm sorry that you're dealing with ALL of this.  

itsmevkb

I'm so sorry.  I know it's not the best option but have you considered a private student loan?  We're dealing with some student loan issues ourselves and it's hard.  Nice of the government to almost encourage single motherhood while telling married women too bad we won't help you out with your childcare while you're in school.

Dragonfly1226

I am so sorry hon. (((((hugs)))))

MrsRyan61804

I'm sorry, you are having a rough go lately! Hope things turn around for you and you get some good news soon!

FWIW, I wanted to have my kids close together and have been hounding my Dh for a date we can meet with the RE. But the other day I watched my friends daughter who is 5 and it was so much fun, and so easy. She was able to help, and keep my little guy busy while I cooked dinner. It totally changed my attitude about having them close, and now I'm thinking we might wait.

You will complete your family and no matter when it happens it will be wonderful! ((hugs))

ladychicago

Oh hon, I am so sorry. I think it is even more difficult when it comes out of the blue like that. (((hugs))). Hoping you guys find a way!

stepgirl21

I'm sorry.  Praying somehow your needs will be met and you can TTC as soon as possible. hugs

Courted

I am so sorry!  That is horrible news!  Financial aide (payback) is a burr in our side too.  At least talk to the director when he gets back into town, maybe there will be some relief. 

emmyloustu

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I hope you find another way to work something out.

GenRN45

That sucks. Thinking of you.

LillyGrrl

Your financial aid office sucks for not bringing this to your attention sooner (but if they didn't know why you needed so much money I doubt they could have advised you well). Either way the first time you apply for a student loan the Fin aid folks should explain to you how they work and what they can and cannot be used for.

But I have to admit, I am really surprised that you didn't know this when you took out your loans.  Usually that information is in the contract you sign when you take out the loan.