SAHMs:Ever feel like your time with LO is 'quantity over quality'?

cs1007

I ask this, because I am feeling this way lately...and feeling guilty. I always try to plan my days so that we do SOMETHING for DS, whether it be the park/playground, a music class, playgroup, whatever...But I do feel that a lot of time is spent trying to keep our lives in order: errands, laundry, picking up the house, cooking. I know this may sound crazy, but I feel quilty if I do not focus on him 100%...but yet it seems impossible!

Is this normal, or do others hold off on housework, etc. until LO goes off to bed? I am having a hard time balancing.

Also, on a side note, how much tv? Many people say "none", but I find it very difficult to be home with a child and entertain them for 12 hours with no tv? Just wondering...

in my life

I work PT, but I've complained a lot about exactly what you are talking about. I feel on my days off during the week I'm catching up on errands, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. so all of it is done on the weekend. One thing I do is try to involve DD in what I'm doing if she isn't interested in playing by herself. While I'm emptying the dishwasher, she will put tupperware and plastic items on the counter for me, she helps transfer laundry into the dryer for me, she has her own broom to sweep and she also likes to dust. I also always have one activity for just her during the day, like her gymnastics class, story time, the park. etc.

For me it's a balance. I like getting my chores, etc. done while she's awake, because I need a break by the time she's in bed for the night, I can't imagine saving it all for that time.

Oh also, DD watches Mickey Mouse Clubhouse about 4 mornings a week, and if she is having a difficult day (cranky) or I'm trying to prepare dinner and DH isn't there to entertain her, I will often let her watch one of her shows.

chelwig89

I am just recently a SAHM so my answer my differ from those who have been doing it longer, but for the first week or so everything I did during the day revolved around my daughter. Then she quit taking naps, and I went crazy! lol I'm 31 weeks pregnant I need naptime so I can at least get some quiet time, if not a nap of my own...

Usually I spend the morning with some cuddle time but mostly doing errands/housework/homework or going to class (depending on the day) and save all of the "fun" stuff for after her nap time. I do incorporate her in whatever I'm doing, though. She'll clean up her toys in the living room while I'm cleaning the kitchen, or she'll help me cook dinner or bake something for an after-nap snack.

Also, my daughter tends to watch a lot of tv for a 2 year old. She doesn't sit there and watch it for long periods of time, but I always have something on for background noise and sometimes she'll stop what she's doing and watch it for a minute or two and go back to whatever she's doing. Her naps have been getting a lot shorter though so she usually watches tv before nap (I set the sleep timer for a half hour so it's that or less before she goes to sleep) and the same for bedtime.

 I look at it this way... when she was born, I waitressed (something I truely miss) and worked opposite shifts of DH, so we never saw each other, and I felt guilty that DD didn't get a lot of real "family" time with all of us together.. Then I waitressed somewhere else and worked the same shift at DH, and felt guilty that she was with my MIL so much (I counted it one week and it was roughly 35 hours each week). So I got a job at a daycare thinking that it would be awesome, I would get to spend time with her. Well there you have to treat your child the same as the others, obviously. But if their philosophies are different then yours, it's hard to treat your child one way at daycare and another at home, and it's hard for your child to understand that you can't spend alllllll day playing with just them, you have to play with/take care of other children. So I quit my job to be a SAHM, and after 2 weeks of all-about-Callie, she wouldn't leave my side for anything and it was hard for me to do anything. I don't know that anyone is 100% happy with the quality of time their child is getting from them 100% of the time... you just have to try and not beat yourself up over it

Court0026

Sometimes I feel that way!  I have so much to get done with them following me every second.  Mostly, I try to get them on board with whatever we are doing.  Errands turn into learning experiences (at least a little), DS helps with laundry and some baking.  But yeah, they don't get my undivided attention that often.  DS probably watches 1-2 hours a day. 

davis0905

I work part-time and SAH part-time.  I can relate to what you're concerned about.  It's all a balancing act and it takes time to figure out a system that works for you.  I have found that I can do a chore here and there, maybe spend a few minutes doing laundry (and sometimes DD "helps" me sort clothes) and then play with her for a while, then do some dishes, then play with her, and so on.  DD does not entertain herself very well, so it's impossible for me to spend a long time on any certain household task.  I try to limit TV-watching in my house.  I let her watch some TV first thing in the morning, because it helps me wake up and helps her to calm down if she wakes up cranky.  I also let her watch TV after she wakes up from her nap because she's always cranky after her naps.  

gatogrrl

During the school year, DD goes to pre-school 3 mornings a week.  This is the perfect balance for us.  This summer, at first I was freaking out about how I would fill the days.  But I decided to go easy with the scheduled activities, and also not lay too many expectations on myself or DD.  We don't get much accomplished most days, but that's working for us.

I try to give the day a little rhythm by playing until 10, then going outside for at least an hour, then doing some kind of art project.  After that, we have lunch, watch a half an hour of TV, read books, then DD naps from 2-4.  After nap, we listen to music, fiddle around with instruments, or just do whatever, maybe prep dinner, until DH comes home.

I don't do housework during the week, only on Saturday.  Many people couldn't live with only vacuuming or doing laundry once a week, but for our family it's fine.  I often remind myself that I didn't quit my day job to become a maid.  I did it to be with DD.

Junebug0617

While I'm not a SAHM-I'm a teacher and have summer's off, (but my husband works weekends, so during the school year I'm with her alone) I do try my best to do things with my DD.  All I can say is that you momma's are doing a wonderful job!  I do a few things during the week with my DD and feel like I'm doing a lot-now I think I need to step it up a bit!!!  We have play dates, gymnastics and go on walks, but that's about it!  Maybe because I work I feel like this is a lot-but kuddos to you women!!!!  I need to get a bigger game plan for the summer!!

One thing I can suggest that might help would be have someone come in and clean for you-we do this and she comes in only every other Friday, that way the dirty things can be done that otherwise seem impossible to do with a 2 year old running around-example-cleaning the bathrooms, mopping, dusting, etc.  I am a clean girl, but somethings always seem harder than others now that I'm a mom.

Emcat1980@yahoo.com

I have definitely felt like that before, especially recently because we're moving in a week so there are so many extra things to be done!

I have SAH full time this past year. The best thing I can do to stay organized and on top of things is a schedule. DS and I have a schedule, I do meal planning, and I have a cleaning schedule.

Errands we run as needed -- with meal planning I usually make one big grocery trip a week with DS and one smaller one for more milk/fresh fruit. Sometimes DH will make the smaller one or I do it after DS is in bed. Other errands like post office, Target, bank, etc. I try to limit to 1/day so he doesn't get too antsy.

We have an activity just for him every morning from around 10-12 ..... storytime, playgroup, playdates, museum, etc. I also give him my undivided attention before naptime (snuggles/books for 30 minutes or so) and for an hour or so after nap (usually arts and crafts, puzzles/cars/etc, or playing outside). Otherwise first thing in the morning he'll piddle around while I unload the dishwasher/get laundry started. Those are things I can do with him nearby and chat with him the whole time and he is happy with that. He loves to help vaccum and dust so we do those together. I let him watch 30 minutes or so of TV late afternoon while dinner is being prepared. Lately he's been interested in 'helping' me cook so I find some way to entertain/engage him in the kitchen.

He naps about 90 minutes/day so I spend half doing stuff around the house and the other half relaxing. I do a good bit of cleaning after he's in bed, as much as it sucks some nights. That's when I do the deep cleaning of the kitchen/bathrooms b/c they require more time/attention and there's usually bleach involved. I sometimes prep the following night's dinner after he's in bed as well (mostly veggie chopping, etc).

I also shower at night when he's asleep. My hair doesn't look as good when I do this as opposed to showering in the AM, but it saves a ton of time and makes my time getting ready in the AM so much shorter.

n&bcarlson

My feeling is, especially as DD gets a little older and more self sufficient, that it isn't really my job to entertain her all day.  I do some things with her- we read together, go to parks or play spaces, go outside to play, etc.  But she also plays on her own, and of course goes along when we run errands (which she loves and are actually very educational in my opinion).  I also let her help with dinner or housework as best as she can.  My suggestion is not to expect too much from yourself, and lose the guilt.  If your child is basically happy, well fed and clothed, and staying active, you're doing your job.  If he learns to keep himself entertained, even better!  As for TV, my DD will watch one Disney movie or 2 episodes of Backyardigans most days, but not every day.

kyfirewife

I'm a WM, but I wanted to chime in because my mom (who was SAH for years before going back to work) & I recently had this very conversation.

Basically I was complaining about feeling like I have so little time with DD, but then I said how I do try to make a lot of it quality time, when I can.

And she said exactly. That she remembers being a SAHM, and she knew, and over the years has seen so many SAHMs who have more than enough quantity of time with their LOs, but very little quality time. That each & every day is spent in the house, doing the same things over & over, some of them rarely if ever even leaving the house except to shop for groceries. And she said in her own experience, and what she saw, over the years it tended to lead to a resentment on both the part of mother & child.

That being said... "park / playground, music class, playgroup, whatever..." to me (and I think Mom would agree) this is infusing lots of quality time into your time home.

Giving your LO those experiences and sharing them with him are awesome!

Maybe you're just in a rut? What if you found a new activity / class to do, or a new park to go to? Went on a playdate with a friend you hadn't seen in a while? Just something to help break the routine a bit?

LuvinMyKids

YES!  I feel that way a LOT!  Just had those same thoughts this week about how I spend my days running errands, feeding kids and cleaning!

I try to keep TV time to 2 hrs.

McKee3

in my life:

I work PT, but I've complained a lot about exactly what you are talking about. I feel on my days off during the week I'm catching up on errands, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. so all of it is done on the weekend. One thing I do is try to involve DD in what I'm doing if she isn't interested in playing by herself. While I'm emptying the dishwasher, she will put tupperware and plastic items on the counter for me, she helps transfer laundry into the dryer for me, she has her own broom to sweep and she also likes to dust. I also always have one activity for just her during the day, like her gymnastics class, story time, the park. etc.

For me it's a balance. I like getting my chores, etc. done while she's awake, because I need a break by the time she's in bed for the night, I can't imagine saving it all for that time.

Oh also, DD watches Mickey Mouse Clubhouse about 4 mornings a week, and if she is having a difficult day (cranky) or I'm trying to prepare dinner and DH isn't there to entertain her, I will often let her watch one of her shows.

I could have written this post, almost exactly. I'll also add that for me, I too feel guilty and that I'll only have so much time while she's little so I spend more time with DD than doing the rest. But then I feel overwhelmed and like I'm never on top of things. It's very hard to achieve the right balance. I just try to let go of things that used to be important as much as I can.

I think tv is fine as long as it's age appropriate and fot for a long period of time. DD watches two 1/2 hour shows a day on average and for me it's a total lifesaver. It sounds like you're doing a great job.