am i getting mad over something stupid?

sabrinapaul

Last night I asked my boyfriend if he could left up this box filled with baby bottles and other stuff so I can go through the other box and look at the clothing, to see how much we still need. My boyfriend told me on the weekend, but I like to do stuff sooner then later. I told him I need to know what we still need for the baby, but he likes to do stuff at the last minute. He doesn't understand that our baby still needs a lot of stuff and we still need to put up the crib and get his nursery ready before he gets here. I just found out that he has been telling his friends everything, he calls me evil, and he always tells his friends some of the things and they take his side and go against me when I didn't do anything wrong. Like I only told him to do one thing then he could play black ops with his uncle. Should I leave him alone, and let him play games with his uncle? Or should I talk to him it?

dragon_chica

Yes and no.  Technically you don't need to have the crib and nursery ready, especially the nursery.  Prep for the nursery is more for the parent's than the baby.  If you plan on co-sleeping in the beginning crib doesn't matter either.  As for your BF talking shiit about you instead of being a MAN and talking to you about what's bothering him is wrong on so many levels.  Now's the time for the two of you to come together as a team because once that baby comes it'll get worse rather than better if he doesn't stop acting like a little baby.  I think you need to talk to him but after he plays his video games otherwise that's one more thing for him to biitch about you.

Five_letter

You're all over the place here. When is your due date?

You're upset with his video game playing?

His procrastination?

His lack of respect for you b/c he's talking about you behind your back? - This would be my primary concern, and YES you should talk to him about it.

 

dragon_chica

Let me add that I don't see anything wrong with BF talking to friends about any problems to receive any sort of advice.  Some ppl may not agree with that and think you should keep it between the two of you.  But, I've always found it helpful to hash it out with my girls so I can get a more clearer perspective.  Sometimes it's after DH and I have discussed it and sometimes it's before.  But that doesn't mean I go to my friends and bash him.  It's more of a "Girls, I have a problem what should I do" and they're ready to tell me if I'm wrong or right and offer suggestions on where to go from  there.  Either way, I would never call DH evil or any other name.  That's just showing a lack of maturity and a huge red flag to me.

samanthadarneille

Talk to him. I think just plain out "leaving" him would do you absolutely no good if you don't atleast try to talk to him first.

Men don't understand exactly all the hormones and emotions we go through, and he may just not fully understand why you have to do everything *RIGHT NOW*

I know that since my pregnancy I have been much more urgent in things that need to be done (if I get an idea in my head) than I used to be before I got pregnant.

I would just talk to him, plus guys play video games once in a while. Not THAT big of a deal before baby comes.

sabrinapaul

Ya true, ii kinda get his point on doing it on the weekend, but I'm kinda nervous that he won't do it for a week like he did before, and I will talk to him about it tonight after he gets his space to him self, but I hope he changes his attitude cause I certainly don't want to take care of two babys and don't want to be a single parent. We decided to put up the crib at the end of july, cause I'm not in a rush to put it up since I'm only 29 weeks and 3 days. But thank you for the advice

dragon_chica

sabrinapaul:

Ya true, ii kinda get his point on doing it on the weekend, but I'm kinda nervous that he won't do it for a week like he did before, and I will talk to him about it tonight after he gets his space to him self, but I hope he changes his attitude cause I certainly don't want to take care of two babys and don't want to be a single parent. We decided to put up the crib at the end of july, cause I'm not in a rush to put it up since I'm only 29 weeks and 3 days. But thank you for the advice

Then make sure to clear up your weekend to make sure it gets done.  DH and I share a calendar on google and whenever I need to block some time off for us to get something done then I schedule it.  So whenever he looks at the calendar he can see that this weekend we're organizing the garage (which we're actually doing this weekend) and he knows not to plan anything.  

When you talk to him make sure to use your "I" words and feelings.  He can't dispute how you're feeling vs. becoming defensive if you're accusatory.  Instead of, "You're always playing video games" or "You never get anything done" say something along the lines of, "I feel that we're not working as a team.  I understand it may seem like we have a lot of time to get this done but these last few months will fly by.  I would feel so much more better and HAPPIER if a few things were taken care of sooner rather than later.  Could we set aside some time this weekend to take care of x, y, z?"  And then decide on a specific timeframe to do this and compromise.  The crib isn't a huge priority so maybe leave until August.  But painting, for example, may be more important to give time for the paint to dry and smell to subside.

sabrinapaul

My due is september 5, like I understand talking to friends for advice and help. I can be controlling and demanding to people, and they understand its hormones. Before I was pregnant we wouldn't argue that much like we do now. I feel bad for what I did and was getting mad over something dum, but the thing that really got to me was when he was calling me evil. I know boys play games before thr baby gets here, but he plays all the time and its hard ro discuss stuff with him. Like I don't want to be mean and turn it of cause I'm not like that. But I hope it changes though

SarahPLiz

Is he 16? Seriously he is acting like a child. However, if you are due Sept 5 that means you are only 29 weeks. I think you acting helpless like you can't lift or move anything would be really aggravating, barring you having any complications that you haven't told us about. I put the crib together on my own when DH was out of town. It wasn't fun, but it can be done, belly and all. If he isn't willing to help, then you need to get used to doing stuff on your own. 

And if he is putting video games before his GF and child, then he needs a serious talking to about being an adult with responsibilities. If he can't handle those responsibilities, you need to let him go on his merry way. You are already having one baby, you don't need a grown up baby too.  

Bottom line is that the 2 of you need to learn how to communicate with each other, distinguish needs from wants, and respect each other. I don't see a lot of that happening and it can't be all you that makes those concessions.  

mabma80

I think you need to talk to him and see what his problem is.  

Hunter22

Five_letter:

You're all over the place here. When is your due date?

You're upset with his video game playing?

His procrastination?

His lack of respect for you b/c he's talking about you behind your back? - This would be my primary concern, and YES you should talk to him about it.

 

She hit the nail on the head.  

dairygirl19

SarahPLiz:

Is he 16? Seriously he is acting like a child. However, if you are due Sept 5 that means you are only 29 weeks. I think you acting helpless like you can't lift or move anything would be really aggravating, barring you having any complications that you haven't told us about. I put the crib together on my own when DH was out of town. It wasn't fun, but it can be done, belly and all. If he isn't willing to help, then you need to get used to doing stuff on your own. 

And if he is putting video games before his GF and child, then he needs a serious talking to about being an adult with responsibilities. If he can't handle those responsibilities, you need to let him go on his merry way. You are already having one baby, you don't need a grown up baby too.  

Bottom line is that the 2 of you need to learn how to communicate with each other, distinguish needs from wants, and respect each other. I don't see a lot of that happening and it can't be all you that makes those concessions.  

Word. And to be honest, both you and your bf sound like you're 12. One rational conversation could solve this whole problem.

sabrinapaul

The only complication I am having is that my baby boy has club feet but it is fixable, ya I'm kinda upset about the fact that he has club feet but that's fixable. He doesn't have anything else wrong just the feet, and I know he acts like a kid but we both need to grow up. We both have to understand that it isn't about us anymore it about our baby, it just it makes me upset when he says I'm evil and that he doesn't care. I know in the end when he see him he will be really happy and I hope its true

SarahPLiz

sabrinapaul:

The only complication I am having is that my baby boy has club feet but it is fixable, ya I'm kinda upset about the fact that he has club feet but that's fixable. He doesn't have anything else wrong just the feet, and I know he acts like a kid but we both need to grow up. We both have to understand that it isn't about us anymore it about our baby, it just it makes me upset when he says I'm evil and that he doesn't care. I know in the end when he see him he will be really happy and I hope its true

This right there would make me re-evaluate having him in my life at all. Your son doesn't need such a petty and mean father. No father would be better than an emotionally and verbally abusive one.  

dragon_chica

I think the million dollar question here is, "Has he always been this way even before you got PG?  Has he always referred to you as evil when you guys butt heads?"

Samandis

You should talk to him about how you are feeling.  But make sure you do this when you guys aren't fighting and he's not distracted.   Usually if I have to air something out with my husband, I wait until we're sitting on the couch just relaxing together.  And when it comes to immature guys (which your BF sounds a little childish to me) don't attack them by pointing out everything they are doing wrong.  Start by saying sorry for something you did like nagging him or embarrassing him in front of his uncle.  He will be a lot more receptive and open to looking at his faults if he doesn't feel attacked and he feels like you are trying to look at things from his perspective even if you don't agree with his actions. 

I would not ignore the names he has called you though.  Don't yell because then you have shown you have lost control, but in a firm way tell him that no one is allowed to talk to you like that to your face or behind your back and it is completely unacceptable.  You would be surprised on the way people(especially children) react when you tell them their behavior is not going to be accepted. 

 

Calm down before you talk to him and I'm sure it will work out fine for you guys.  

 

megd06

sabrinapaul:

Last night I asked my boyfriend if he could left up this box filled with baby bottles and other stuff so I can go through the other box and look at the clothing, to see how much we still need. My boyfriend told me on the weekend, but I like to do stuff sooner then later. I told him I need to know what we still need for the baby, but he likes to do stuff at the last minute. He doesn't understand that our baby still needs a lot of stuff and we still need to put up the crib and get his nursery ready before he gets here. I just found out that he has been telling his friends everything, he calls me evil, and he always tells his friends some of the things and they take his side and go against me when I didn't do anything wrong. Like I only told him to do one thing then he could play black ops with his uncle. Should I leave him alone, and let him play games with his uncle? Or should I talk to him it?

So you treat him like a child ("Johnny, do this and then you can go out and play.") and then get mad at him for acting like the child? You both sound pretty immature, sounds like you need to sit down together and figure out what's going on.

htessen35

I totally get why you would be upset about him calling you evil, but when it comes to playing video games I understand both sides. My boyfriend and I are both young (19) He used to play video games ALL the time by himself or online with his friends (I got real annoyed) He works second shift (3pm to 11pm) so we made the agreement that before work is "our time" playing outside with our dogs, going to my doctor appointments or just simply watching tv together and after he gets home he can play his video games. After we had a talk about the game playing and set aside the "our time" things have gotten so much better! Now when he gets home I sometimes i play with him and he came up with before bed we snuggle up and watch our favorite tv show together. And venting to his friends is a good thing, thats how i got the advice to talk calmly about the problem and now we have a GREAT relationship! GL! I hope if you take this approch it works as good for you as it did me!

WheeLinTheSky3

sabrinapaul:

Last night I asked my boyfriend if he could left up this box filled with baby bottles and other stuff so I can go through the other box and look at the clothing, to see how much we still need. My boyfriend told me on the weekend, but I like to do stuff sooner then later. I told him I need to know what we still need for the baby, but he likes to do stuff at the last minute. He doesn't understand that our baby still needs a lot of stuff and we still need to put up the crib and get his nursery ready before he gets here. I just found out that he has been telling his friends everything, he calls me evil, and he always tells his friends some of the things and they take his side and go against me when I didn't do anything wrong. Like I only told him to do one thing then he could play black ops with his uncle. Should I leave him alone, and let him play games with his uncle? Or should I talk to him it?

 

I understand your frustration with needing/wanting help and him not being overly interested in helping you. However, I think you have a much bigger problem regarding what you wrote in the second half of your post. Talking to his friends for advice is one thing but calling you evil and trash talking you are not ok. Also "should I leave him alone and let him play games" Honestly..how old is he? He has a baby on the way, he doesnt have to follow your schedule everytime but he should at least respect you enough to say "hey sabrina im exhausted tonight, why dont we relax today and I promise this weekend you and I can cross X,Y, Z off of our list"

I would talk to him when you are both calm and just try to explain that youre not trying to bug him but you need his help and would like him to contribute to preparation for a baby that is half of each of you. You dont have to be rude and demanding (and you shouldnt be) but I would never tiptoe around my DH if I needed help and he would never expect me to. Good Luck.