Talk to me

MrsKolasa

I have this habit of checking our states waiting children website. Today I noticed a 16 year old girl that is available for adoption. I sent her cw an email asking for more information. DH is on board, which actually sorta surprised me.

I am realistic about the challenges of raising a teenager, and certainly the challenges of adopting a teenager from foster care. BUT- I need you ladies to tell me the good, bad and the ugly.

Give it to me straight.

tunanuna

I'm not sure that anyone can really give it to you straight.  Every child is going to be different.  It will depend on the true personality of the child, how many previous placements they've had and the quality of those placements, why they were removed from their bio parents, are they able to attach, do they have any special needs, and a miriad of other issues I'm sure I haven't come close to touching on. 

Your best resource on this particular child will be her caseworker, school and mental health/medical records, and past foster parents.

I wish you the best on making this decision.  You know it won't be a cakewalk and that right there is a step in the right direction.  These are some of the kids most in need of a forever home but only you'll be able to decide if this is right for your family and the fact that you have younger children at home is definitely a large dynamic in this situation. 

Keep us updated.

tunanuna

I have some examples of what has happened with older kids adopted from Russia.  this might not be at all useful but if you're interested fel free to PM me.

MrsKolasa

Thanks, friend!

You're right. I just know that babies are adoptable, and a 16 year old from foster care? Not as likely to be "wanted". It's heartbreaking. I know that because I am youngish (dang near 30) it may be a bit of an issue, but I am still connected to our local high school and know we would have a great support system.

I can't wait to see what the cw says.

tunanuna

MrsKolasa:

Thanks, friend!

You're right. I just know that babies are adoptable, and a 16 year old from foster care? Not as likely to be "wanted". It's heartbreaking. I know that because I am youngish (dang near 30) it may be a bit of an issue, but I am still connected to our local high school and know we would have a great support system.

I can't wait to see what the cw says.

I completely agree that these children, more than not, age out of the system with no family or support system.  I would love to, one day, be in the position to adopt one of them.  Hopefully as my younger ones get older we might be able to make that happen.  I hope you get good news from her CW.

MrsKolasa

jennyk213:

I see you're in MN.  I check the waiting children website weekly!

DH and I went to the Children's Home info session and a 2 day class on the issues that the kids generally have.  At the end of the session, they had a panel of teens waiting to be adopted and AP's which was completely eye opening and a huge reality check. The whole session was incredibly helpful and informative, though.  If they have another one coming up, I highly recommend it.  We haven't adopted yet so I can speak from personal experience but the situations can vary widely based on what they talked about.  I can email you a checklist they have you fill out with what you are and aren't willing to take on.  It might give you an idea of all the possibilities.  ETA:  The CH checklist is very similar to the one we got from Dakota County - I can send that one to you too.

Just another word of warning, we were told multiple times that the kids on that website may already be in the process of being adopted and it's not updated that often.  They also said multiple times that the social worker's won't even respond to you if you don't have a completed home study on file.  I'm not sure if that's true across the board but it's what we were told.

Good luck!

I would love the checklist! josiekolasa at gmail dot com

Thank you so much for your input. I know that taking on a 16 year old girl in any situation is a big task, but I also know that we have room, a ton of love and an awesome family to share. I have a friend who used to be the adoption sw for Wright County that I have a call into also. We'll see how it goes.

I really appreciate your input.

wille2b

look lady- I have no advice for you but Luke is TO DIE FOR!!!!!!!!!!! do they come much cuter??

MrsKolasa

wille2b:

look lady- I have no advice for you but Luke is TO DIE FOR!!!!!!!!!!! do they come much cuter??

Thanks! That's what you missed out on yesterday

Please give that handsome boy of yours a squeeze from me.

wille2b

MrsKolasa:

wille2b:

look lady- I have no advice for you but Luke is TO DIE FOR!!!!!!!!!!! do they come much cuter??

Thanks! That's what you missed out on yesterday

Please give that handsome boy of yours a squeeze from me.

aww man! i will have to stop being responsible and start playing with you guys more! and i can certainly give him a squeeze from his auntie j!!! you go kiss those cheeks for me!

MamaB2009

I think you should definitely pursue more information!

One of my closest friends is a house mother for the girl's home of an agency who contracts through the state.  They usually have 8-10 girls at any one time.  There are some who I would absolutely not feel like I could parent, but there are others (one being my friend's favorite) who despite being moved around a ton and their hardships, truly have a good head on their shoulders and just want the chance to have a forever family.  I would adopt one of them in a heartbeat, if I didn't think my friend would be jumping at the chance as well.  I know she still has her own share of issues, but she is such a great kid overall.

jenn5-26-07

One big thing to ask- has the girl worked with a counsolor on what adoption means, dealt with the grief and loss and truly wants to be adopted...

Working on all of that 1 time doesn't "cure" it but it is a start...

I have 2 aunts that have both adopted older children from fc (ironically both are from MN). One situation is good, the other is not so good.  If you have any specific questions I could ask them.  Good luck!

MrsKolasa

jennyk213:

I emailed the checklist to you. 

I didn't get it. So strange. I'll check my spam folder just in case, but would you mind re-sending it?