mildly annoyed with DH

prncsstp

So I am a little bit annoyed with my DH - now that its summer, he is playing a different sport nearly every day of the week - Monday is Kickball, Tuesday is Softball, Thursday is softball, and today he is subbing for someone in a golf league (he'll do this a couple times a month).

I feel selfish, but really Id just like him home, just so I can have some in person human interaction at a reasonable hour. Plus, I miss him, and I dont want him to miss out on Owen! 

I dont even think he held Owen at all yesterday! He had the corporate challenge, and then a softball double header.... he was finally home at 11pm.... 

 bleh - vent over.

MelissaSue81

Oh that would ANNOY me.  You're not selfish..you have a newborn.. you need the help and he should be with you guys. Could you maybe negotiate him only doing something 2 days a week? Does he even know you're annoyed? (You seem like a super cool wife who would not b!tch about it, unlike me, who would. )

Telyco

Hmmm..I'd give him notice that he's a dad now and has to make some sacrifices. If he was working to pay the bills it would be one thing - but not out having fun. A night a week should be plenty, IMO. I think he should give something up next season. Trust me - it's only going to get harder not seeing him and being the primary caregiver when he's out. We have good friends that had a HUGE issue after baby #2 was born and the husband didn't realize he wasn't going to be able to do all his sports each week any more...best to ease him into it

Mrs_Hark

i know this is a tough stage, newborns aren't that playful, and mom's are the go to parent for most everything, hardly getting any breaks and dad's get to just come and go. but know that this will change, boys will be into sports and more than likely off to hang with dad more than mom when they get older so cherish this time with your boy.... or keep tabs of all the time DH is out and about and make him pay later!

MrsWhiteonWhiteSt

Vent away! A lot of us have DH's that are gone for long days- we understand.

I don't know how to say this without making my DH look bad but he claims some men are just not "into" babies. DH is great with Justin now but he was very hands off for the 1st year or so. He is the most mellow, calm guy in the world but babies crying drives him nuts. We've agreed women are just programmed better to stand the sound, lol. The example you gave, about not holding O for a day... I would DIE (as would most of us) but I don't think my DH would think anything of it.

JenJar

MrsWhiteonWhiteSt:

Vent away! A lot of us have DH's that are gone for long days- we understand.

I don't know how to say this without making my DH look bad but he claims some men are just not "into" babies. DH is great with Justin now but he was very hands off for the 1st year or so. He is the most mellow, calm guy in the world but babies crying drives him nuts. We've agreed women are just programmed better to stand the sound, lol. The example you gave, about not holding O for a day... I would DIE (as would most of us) but I don't think my DH would think anything of it.

I agree - I think it would bother me more that he didn't hold him than it bothered DH himself. 

But, going back to the original post....yes it would bug me if he wasn't home that  much and I'd definitely bring it up so you could work out a compromise.  Even if it doesn't necessarily bother him that he doens't have much time with O, you need to make it clear to him that it bothers you that he's not there for you!

wendyj

That would be beyond annoying for me. Does he really know how you feel? Even if we didn't have a new baby, I'd be ticked that we didn't spend more than one night a week together BY HIS CHOICE. I think you need to talk to him and let him know how you feel. Fine (OK, not very fine, but you know what I mean) if he has a thing about being around newborns, but you have to let him know how much it's affecting you.

Sorry he's being a putz.

NYmama2

You are a lot nicer than me. My husband will ask me before he agrees to stuff like that. For example, last week his corporate team needed someone to sub for them for softball so they asked him. Before he said yes he asked me. For the most part I will say yes but he knows his boundaries. haha.

Then this week he asked if he could play golf and I said not tues or thurs. That is the days when I am home with the girls alone. 12 hour days are long with 2 little ones.

He is considerate and he at least asks. I try to not say no because he does ask. But you better believe there is NO WAY I would let him be out doing sports 3 x's/week. Maybe I'm just a biotch.

cm2007

Vent away!  I know how you feel.  My DH plays in a golf league on Mondays, plays ultimate frisbee on Wednesday with friends and then Tuesday, Thursday, Friday he is at the gym after work.  Most nights he doesn't get home to 7-7:30.  Abby goes to bed at 8:30.  I talked to him once about it and he stayed home one night that week.  The next week, he was back to being gone every night.  Luckily when I tell him I have plans he will come home early so I have night out.

abba916

Oh I would hit the fricken roof- especially with a newborn. I'm all for a DH needing an outlet and getting out afterwork a day or two a week- but all those days? 

Even though my DH is out most of the time for work stuff- I still get miffed...I didnt get myself pregnant and I didnt sign on to be a single parent- get your @ss home and help out ..(sorry, I'm projecting...LOL)

but as you can see- you are in good company here- so vent away 

TinyPinkBug

I think that this weekend, you and DH need to sit down and talk about expectations and priorities of each other now that you are BOTH parents.  The fact is, life changes when you become a parent, and so should your priorities.  Being a SAHM is very lonely, people who have never done it, don't understand.

mrsoc

I think that you have reason to be annoyed.  I have asked DH not to take on any extra commitments, especially through the newborn stage (No OT at work even).  You need the extra help and a break in the evening is nice, and important so that DH and LO can bond.  I think sometimes it is hard for guys to realize that they too have to make sacrifices when becoming parents.  Hope that you are both able to work out something that works for both of you!  Call me if you need anything