Only child pregnant with #2

AlexJ217

Background: I am an only child. Growing up I would sometimes want a sibling. But I understood my parents decision to stop at one (financial, high risk of mulitple birth next time around). Now as an adult I really wish I had a sibling.  DH and I both do not have siblings and I wish we had a sibling. I see how sibling relationships can be rocky as a child but how neat it can be as an adult.

Now: DD just turned 1. I just got my BFP for my second pregnancy. I really want a sibling for DD but  now I am freaking out a bit. I want to treat both kids the same - yet different. I want to be fair but I also want them to be their own indvidual person. I want to love them the same - but understand they are two different people. I guess I see with my parents siblings that my grandparents always favored the oldest. Obviously right now DD is my life. I dont want to take away from her with the new baby but I also don't want to treat #2 how my parents were treated. I know love is unconditional. I know that I still have a long road before this baby arrives (probably late Feb) but I am really worried that I know NOTHING about siblings. I only want the best for both kids. I dont want one kid to take away anything from the other (love, financial, time, etc).

So I am asking for advice? How do you make it work? I am so worried that I will not be a good mother to two kids at the same time?

jennyenny323

I think your worries are definitely valid and rational. When I was pregnant with DS I was so worried that I was going to be taking away from DD. Once DS was born I constantly felt guilty whenever I was spending time with one and not the other. It was an internal struggle I had for at least a couple of months. Now, it is all really balanced, maybe not 50/50 every single day, but overall it evens out. My DS was the best gift I could have ever given my DD. They are becoming best friends. We've done our best to make her feel very involved along the way. She helps out (brings him his blankey, feeds him a bottle, etc) and feels proud and important.

Really, it all falls into place. Initially it will most likely will be hard and may feel awkward. But then you will feel like you couldn't imagine your family without LO #2, just as I'm sure you feel about DD now.

AlexJ217

Thank you so much for your response. You made me feel a lot better. I think you are right. I also think that DD will love being a big sister and being able to "play mommy" and help out. I hope having them close in age will help them form a bond. I like that you said having #2 was the best thing you could give #1. And really as much as I want a big family - I wouldnt do it if I didnt think it would be best for DD. I want her to have a sibling growing up to play with - and also as a friend when older. I am a tad jealous of my friends that are close with their siblings as adults and have their children growing up together. I was never close with my cousins so to see everyone's kids super close with their cousins makes me sad. I want that for my children. But I understand its going to be hard at first. And as much as I want to play fair - it wont always be fair. And it cant be fair now since DD is almost 13 months and my entire world and LO#2 hasnt even been confirmed yet. But in time it will be good.

Thanks! I feel better already.

Army~Wife

jennyenny323:

I think your worries are definitely valid and rational. When I was pregnant with DS I was so worried that I was going to be taking away from DD. Once DS was born I constantly felt guilty whenever I was spending time with one and not the other. It was an internal struggle I had for at least a couple of months. Now, it is all really balanced, maybe not 50/50 every single day, but overall it evens out. My DS was the best gift I could have ever given my DD. They are becoming best friends. We've done our best to make her feel very involved along the way. She helps out (brings him his blankey, feeds him a bottle, etc) and feels proud and important.

Really, it all falls into place. Initially it will most likely will be hard and may feel awkward. But then you will feel like you couldn't imagine your family without LO #2, just as I'm sure you feel about DD now.

This, this & this! Well put! DD2 wasn't planned (so early). We wanted to start trying when DD1 was about a year. I found out I was 2 months PG w/DD2 when DD1 was 7 months. Even though we were happy, it hit me hard with mommy guilt. I kept feeling like...I love DD so VERY much...how am I possibly going to love this baby the same. Even the day b4 my scheduled C-section I was really worried about what my reaction was gonna be....then I heard her cry for the 1st time and all of those fears went away. My heart was filled with so much overwhelming love....it was unreal. I love my family beyond words and having DD2 so soon was a miracle that I never knew I wanted. Yes, it is difficult but it is more amazing than I ever could have dreamed. Best of luck!