Quick update, not much yet
Just a quick update from me, although it isnt much to give. I spoke with the baby's social worker, and she has submitted a form to the county to find the presumed father. Since I now have his full name, that helped. He just got out of jail (lovely), so they should be able to find him pretty quickly. His options, once paternity is established to be him) are:
1) give up rights to the baby voluntarily (fingers crossed)
2) get supervised visitation rights, allowing adoption to move forward
3) gets a "reunification" program, where the county will make him follow strict rules for 6-12 months -- and if he follows all the rules and doesnt mess up, he can gain full custody of DD (this scares the Hell out of me)
DH and I really dont think that he is interested in parenting DD full time - and perhaps not even interested in visitation. We think he "heard thru the grapevine" and more than anything had to satisfy his curiosity, etc. We are even more convinced that he 1) wont want to give up his substance and/or alcohol abuse to get custody and 2) wont want to have any financial responsibility for her.
Right now it is a waiting game. I gave the physical description of him to the social worker this morning, and now they have to hunt him down.
Looking at the silver lining, this could actually make the adoption process go smoother if he voluntarily gives up rights to the baby and if paternity is established to be him. I hope I hope I hope...
Thanks for all of your encouragement, thoughts, prayers and concern.
Viva La Adoption Bump!
Re: Quick update, not much yet
Oh, Kristen! It does sound like he will most likely not gain custody, given what you've told us about him. I'm sure even visitation from this man is a scary option, and I'm hoping and praying that everything works out for the best for your daughter and family.
Cowgirl up! Things will get better. You and I are really going to have to get together and write "Tears and Wine," aren't we?
I hope that he was just curious and has no interest in parenting. Your baby is happy and healthy and safe with parents who adore her and there is no question that she should stay there! I have all limbs crossed that he chooses to waive his parenting rights completely and the adoption goes smoothly for you!
Please keep us posted, I will be worrying on your behalf!
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Sending you sunny thoughts, Kristin.
I can't imagine how stressful all of this is for you.
Take care of yourself and know many of us are sending Ts and Ps.