Things NOT to say to a TTCer

fyziksgirl

Today I was getting frustrated waiting for O, so I wrote a list of ten things not to say to a TTCer.

https://givingherallshesgot.wordpress.com/2011/06/20/ww-unsolicited-advice/

These were the first things off the top of my head. What would you add?

 

 

SandNSurf

"why do you want kids? don't you know they are a lot of work?"

I'm so glad they informed me of that because I was under the impression having children would make my life so much easier!  sheesh.

Mother Meghan

That's a great list! I'm not actively TTC just yet (about a month away), but I hate when people say those things NOW, I know I'll hate it more when they're said to me.

I generally hate the "you're next!" or "clock's ticking!" comments. Yes, I'm aware of this. Yes, I'm thinking about kids and can't wait to have one of my own. No, I'm not actively trying yet. No, I will not tell you when I start. UGH.

P.S. I studied CFS in college, I did research with my faculty adviser and we worked with patients to create research projects

SheenaNash1

I really hate to hear "Why are you trying to have kids now? You just got married! Why are you rushing things?" Ummmm...I'm not rushing things. I'm trying to have kids because its what my husband and I want in our hearts and what we have planned on doing for years. It's not like we just woke up the day after the wedding and said "ok kids now!" we have talked about this for over four years. That's waiting long enough for me, thanks. 

MrsFelts

Is there a like button on TB? Especially this one, "You're young, you don't want kids yet!" Um, yea I do! Thank you very much.

theandersons09

We're still TTA at the moment but over time I've discussed my desire to start TTC with my sis and my mum and some friends. I don't know which is worse. The "clock is ticking" comments so many people get or the "you have so much time!" Since we're fairly young (24 and 26) I often hear "you're so young, don't worry! You have plenty of time!" Yeah well... my crazy worry wart brain thinks of it as: it can take a year to get pregnant normally. So I'll be pushing 26. Then the pregnancy lasts 9 months. So I could be 26+ by the time we take our baby home. I can just imagine the eyes popping out of their heads if I explained that to them... 

sheilatakesabow

ON the other end of things . . .  I'm 36, DH is 40.  We couldn't start trying till now for a variety of reasons (financial, medical, etc.)  We've been married 3 years, and at this point I get the opposite comments.  Last time I saw DH's grandmother, she basically announced that she and DH's mother had given up on us meaning ME, and were pinning their hopes on DH's brother's fiance, as *she* seems like the maternal type.  Note to self:  must not throttle 90 yr old, must not throttle 90 yr old.  

LilyPotter218

I am the oldest (31) of two girls. My younger sister is KU with #2.

When I told my mom I had stopped BCP her response was "I hope you are using another form of protection". Exactly the reaction I was hoping for... 

salt78

7. There?s always next month!

Next month is a long ways away, and a long time to wait. It?s hard to comprehend how little one chance a month is until you?re living it all.the.time.

Yeah. Try having to wait a couple months or more in between.

fyziksgirl

salt78:

7. There?s always next month!

Next month is a long ways away, and a long time to wait. It?s hard to comprehend how little one chance a month is until you?re living it all.the.time.

Yeah. Try having to wait a couple months or more in between.

Point. I'm hoping to not have to, since before going on BCP my periods were regular as clockwork..but now that I'm off things are stretching out and taking longer. It's only cycle 3 off, so still not regular. CD20, no sign of O yet... And because I got called out of bed for a subbing job and ran out of the room to answer the call, no chance to temp this morning, grr! I die with one month in between, I can't imagine waiting multiples, your strength amazes me. Babydust!

fyziksgirl

A big "Amen!" to all the other responses, it's amazing how some people get so used to the taste of their foot they don't even notice it going into their mouth any more.

I can attest to the "You're so young, you've got plenty of time!" comments. After waiting (and waiting and WAITING) for hubby to be ready to TTC my OBGYN even made one! She called to report a test finding to me that required me basically doubling my wait to begin to TTC (and we all know that's no guarantee of how long things will take from there) in order to decrease my risk during pregnancy, and was very off-handed. "I know you were planning on starting, but you can just wait, you're young, you've got lots of time," stated very "no-big-deal so don't get upset." Grrr.

I think my (real) favorite advice was from an old boss who had his first kid in his later 30s/early 40s. He had just had his second and said reflectively to me (in a 10+ hour long car ride to a site we were inspecting), "You know, everyone says to wait until your older, but it's not that simple. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be to make the change at my age for me, and I just don't have as much energy to keep up with them as I used to! There are plusses and minuses to having kids early and to waiting." So. Appreciated. First person I'd ever heard say that waiting wasn't all sunshine and roses, but even he wasn't just brushing it off!

SParkman80

"Some people just aren't meant to have kids."   My mom said that to me when she found out we'd been trying for 6 months. Now I don't talk to her about it anymore.

tcline

People can be so clueless sometimes!  My MIL asked if I was pregnant yet, and when I told her no she asked, "why not?" I said, "we're working on it." And do you know what she had the nerve to suggest??? She told me to babysit someone's newborn and that would wake my body up and I would get pg right away!! She was dead serious.....Yeah right MIL, if it were only that easy!

MickeyM04

I think my favorite is, "Are you pregnant yet?" or "Why aren't you pregnant yet?"  a) if I was pregnant, I would probably tell you OR there would be a reason I'm not telling you, and b) I'm not pregnant yet because DH's sperm didn't fertilize my egg.  Take a sex ed class.

Buona Fortuna

I actually had a guy tell me that since I don't have children yet, I shouldn't even try.  He said since I was 30 my "eggs were rotten" and I'd have "retarded" children.  I was too stunned to even respond.

nursemama2be

"When you have a baby then we can all hang out" So I'm not good enough to hang out with as just me?